In her comment to my previous post on single women, Tracy wrote:
"…Another friend I know, I fear was too picky. She had several suitors, all godly men, but she waited for someone "better" to come along. Maybe this was right, maybe not. She is now 40, and remains unmarried. She wonders where Mr. Right is..."
Reading this left me thinking. I don't think anyone would suggest we should seize the first opportunity we have, the first man who shows interest in us, without even asking ourselves if he's suitable. Sure, we need to make a wise choice. But where's the thin line between choice and pickiness?
If a man is unkind to you, impatient, lazy (to the degree he doesn't feel ready to provide for the family), shows the markings of a future abusive husband - raises his voice, criticizes you, makes you feel unworthy – rejecting him is probably a wise choice.
Rejecting someone you like, someone you feel attracted to and think he's generally suitable for you, because of things like him not having a college degree, his or his family's background, his manner of dressing, height, the sound of his name (yes, yes, I witnessed this once) or anything else that is superficial and doesn't really have to do with his personality, his mind and soul – can probably be defined as pickiness.
Oh, and let's not forget the most dangerous pickiness factor, the one Tracy mentioned – "waiting for someone 'better' to come along". Isn't there always a chance of missing out on someone better if we choose too quickly?
Suppose I went out on a beautiful spring day and wanted to pick a flower – just one. Naturally, I want to choose the one and only, the perfect flower! But I know I don't have all day to wander out there and look for it; and if I look carefully, I will notice each and every flower is perfect in its own way, in its unique beauty. So the sensible thing would be to look around me and pick the one I like best, and delight in its beauty without thinking of the Perfect Flower that might still be growing out there…
However, let us not be hasty in labeling someone "picky"! Not every guy can be "Mr. Right". Not even every great guy can be Mr. Right! What if a nice young woman goes out with a nice young man, then calls her best friend and tells her, frustrated: "I'm sorry, everything about him is wonderful, but he's not for me!"? Can we call her picky?
I don't really have answers. I'm still single myself.
Some time ago, I came across a very good, sensible article, called "The Cost of Delaying Marriage"
I think every single woman (and man, for that matter) could benefit from reading it.
At the time it was published, this article received plenty of complaints and scorching remarks. However, I tend to agree with it, and I also enjoyed reading the counter-arguments in "Defending 'The Cost of Delaying Marriage'"