"It's nice to be taken care of, but be careful. If your husband has discreet bad habits such as poker, women, booze or drugs you better have some control. By the time you realize what has happened it is too late."
This is (a part of) another comment I got to the posts where I expressed my opinion about masculine leadership and submission of women to their husbands. Apparently, I gave the impression that I think the submissive woman is a helpless, clueless thing that doesn't have the ability to take care of herself.
As you know from what I said earlier, I believe women have the right to be appreciated, respected, and treated like decent human beings. I don't deny the fact that abuse within the family exists, and I certainly don't support anyone or anything that contributes to the abuse of women. I believe women should be cherished and protected and a helping hand should be extended when one of our sisters is in a tragic situation.
A godly woman submits to her husband joyfully and willingly, because this is what God calls her to. She isn't bullied into it and she doesn't do it because she only has half a brain. And if something as horrible as abuse, adultery or addiction occurs in her family, I believe she is capable of noticing it. I also believe she has the right to defend herself – and the right to receive support and encouragement from her family and community.
Abuse of women is a difficult and painful issue which I have encountered personally. A man who mistreats, neglects, abuses his wife is not a godly man. God gave him the role of leader and protector, and he threw this beautiful gift away.
Does it mean, however, that women should resign their God-given role and become controlling in order to prevent themselves from depending on a potential abuser?
Should we go along the line that, "well, I never know if I'm abused, so I'd better be an independent woman and a feminist, and this way I am protected if it happens that I'm married to an abusive man"? To me, it sounds pretty much like hiding in a bunker because I'm afraid war might break out. Sure, if it happens, it will find me ready, but most chances are that I'll spend my life in fear and stress, without enjoying sunshine and wind and flowers, for no good reason.
Again, this is like all the other questions we have to take from others (and sometimes from ourselves too!) – What if your husband dies? What if your husband becomes ill and is unable to provide for your family? What if you divorce?
We don't know what future will bring, but we do know God's faithful and wise instruction. Let's not ruin the beauty of following His word by worrying about hardships that may or may not happen.