Monday, July 23, 2007

Can we 'have it all'?

'The feminists told us we can have it all. And now we have it 'all' – ulcers, migraine, incredibly stressful lives where it seems that the more we accomplish, the more there is to do.'

This is a snippet from a conversation I had with a friend the other day. Do you want to know the conclusion we came to? Despite everything our culture teaches, it seems we can't 'have it all' without compromising our health, sanity or convictions.
This is another time when I feel it's important to say I'm not judging anyone's personal choices. I want to avoid acid remarks and finger-pointing, and focus on the important issue I'm going to bring up today.

Even with the efforts of radical feminists, I don't think there are many women who actually reject the idea of having a family, or say family isn't important to them. But the idea that we can have it all without any aspect of our lives suffering along the way is, in my opinion, quite dangerous. I think that saying, 'oh, go ahead and get a full-time career, you can juggle a marriage, children and household successfully along the way, and you can have a baby whenever you want' is much more dangerous than 'career is a better choice, go forsake your family!' – Why? Because honestly, can you imagine a decent woman stand up and say, 'hey, I choose to neglect my family, I don't care if my marriage suffers, my laundry piles up and my children never see their Mommy!'? But she can be tempted to buy into the I-can-have-it-all idea.

I honestly believe that most working wives and mothers aren't selfish, irresponsible women who don't care about their duties. I think it's more like, 'family first, sure, but I must also have work, career, self-fulfillment, community activities – those are important as well! How do I squeeze it all into my life? Well, I'll manage somehow!' or even 'I realize my duties are suffering, but I must have that extra income, and I must find employment outside my home, because otherwise I'm worthless! All my life, I have been taught I have no value if I have no paycheck – how do you expect me to change this now?!'

I believe each and every child is a beautiful blessing from God, not a burden. Let's make an observation: how many career women have large families? How many graciously embrace every child God sends their way, at His time? Now, let me make two disclaimers: one, I think that being a keeper-at-home is important and worthwhile not only for mothers, but also for childless married women and for unmarried daughters. And two, I realize that some might not share my conviction about any form of contraception being unacceptable.

Having said this, let's imagine a young woman who is planning to get married, doesn't know of any existing fertility problems, has moral difficulties with contraception (or more like, doesn't think she should postpone God's precious blessings)… and wants to have a glorious career. She knows that if she remains in good health and God blesses her, she might have six, ten or more children in the next twenty-something years. Do you see a problem here?

Obviously, something has to go. So, what options does she have? One, decide that her duties at home demand her full attention and focusing on her family's needs. Two, compromise her convictions and say that preventing conception isn't too bad after all and that the money she earns can pay for hired help around the house. Three, try to have a more flexible schedule and squeeze in her career into gaps of time she has here and there… please notice that I'm not about to list all the options this woman has and tell you which one I think is better .The point I'm trying to make is that obviously, she can't have it all and something just has to go.

This isn’t only true for women, of course. We are all only human beings and none of us can 'have it all'. Buying into that illusion might lead us to feeling inferior – when it's quite unjustified. The question is what choice we make. It's like getting rid of clutter: we decide what is important enough to remain in our lives, and what takes too much space and must go. Because if we don't, we'll be burdened with extra weight that will hinder our progress and won't allow us to focus on what's truly important.

Kelly from 'Families against Feminism' sums it up wonderfully:
'She can't have it "all", if all means a full time career outside the home, and a happy, healthy husband, children, self, and home. But praise God, she can have it ALL, when she joyfully submits to the will of God. She is then freed up to exercise her enormous talents, creativity, gifts and abilities in ways she never thought possible when she was enslaved to another man.'

35 comments:

Ways of Zion said...

Amen!

Dawn Marie said...

Kelly's statement rocks! She sums it all up in a few short words. What's more to say? :)

Rightthinker said...

Quite true. The pursuit of "it all" is nothing but personal selfishness, and unfortunately, hurts our nations children.

Somewhere along the line, women were given a message that they are somehow entitled to be everything they want and anyone who gets in their way be damned..oh yeah, it's called the feminist movement.

Anna S said...

Rightthinker,

Besides the question of whether we are always entitled to have everything we want (um... no), it's impossible to do and have everything. Our resources are limited. Our time is limited. But people just aren't ready to admit it.

Lauren Christine said...

I'll second that Amen! :)

Lindsy said...

Anna,

Your comment in the comment section reminds me of another so pervasive lie, which is not just that people can do it all (have a family, career, etc.) but that people can be _any one thing_ if they just try enough, like how so many people who have bought this lie think effort is all they need to make them singers, people are always telling graduates, "You really can do anything" as if it is true and is what one's fulfillment/happiness/hope should largely be found in. Ugh. When are people going to look around them and find that desire and effort certainly don't guarantee anything like worldly success? What if God is going to make you poor for _His_ glory, no matter how hard you work? What about humans being called to serve others? What if God will set a man in a job that really tries his spirit to make him grow in sanctification? What if God disables one in a way that keeps that one from one's dream job? What if He paralyzes a Joni Earickson Tada to show her and others something better than mobility--Himself?! What about the fact a society can't be only made up of rich people? Why do we claim God is willing to make people happy on their own terms?... And yet I still have to remind myself of these truths when looking at my life. All right, I'm preaching to the choir mostly on this blog, I think....

Another good post :)

Laura H said...

Bravo, Mi Amito,
I Agree wholeheartedly!
Laura H

MInTheGap said...

The older I grow, the more I realize that life is full, and that you have to make choices all the time-- and those choices reflect who you truly are and what is truly important!

You're right on here, Anna.

Sheri said...

Oh Anna, if more women would listen to their Heavenly Father and not this world, families would be so different. May more women (at your age) hear the truth and be set free!

Kaye :) said...

Hi Anna,

Great post. I don't know why anyone would want it "all". What is "all"
anyway, but an endless pursuit.

PandaBean said...

This post is exactly the way I'm feeling right now. Something has had to fall by the wayside, with me working, being a wife, mother and housekeeper. What has fallen to the side has been me, I haven't been taking proper care of my body, mind or soul. I'm looking forward to having the time to take a decent shower every day, spend some good quality time with God and His word, spend time with Amelia, teaching her about God and His wonderful plan for us. As things are, Amelia sleeps most of the afternoon because she didn't sleep in the morning, I'm too wiped out to do more than basic housekeeping, and I spend too much time on the computer "decompressing".

I agree with what Lindsy said, not amount of wishing/prayer will make one into a great athlete/singer/painter/artist etc etc, if the talent is not there. This is something I've had to deal with. My dad is an excellent singer/songwriter/artist/musician (check out his website www.mccordvalleymusic.com *shameless plug*), my sister is the same, and my brother sings beautifully. I have the desire and appretiation, but I can only sing in a group (barely sometimes!) and have almost no artistic talent, and not for lack of desire and trying!

God Bless!

Anna S said...

PandaBean,

You know what I think is the saddest thing? It's that when something has to fall to the wayside, somehow what falls are precisely the things that will matter: our relationship with God and our family.

USAincognito said...

Interesting post. I, myself, choose to remain single because the career God has placed me in requires a near full commitment of my time and energy. Some women may look down on me for choosing career over family but I am where God wants me to be. I absolutely love what I do! My mother was a stay at home mom and she never regretted it. Once all of us kids left the house, she went back to college to finish up her degree and now substitute teaches on a part-time basis at the local Christian school in her area. I know I am glad she chose to stay home to take care of us kids. But I can also understand how some mothers really do not have a choice when it comes to working outside the home. They may be single mothers, or their husbands may be laid off, or their husbands are on a disability leave, etc. I make a conscious decision not to judge any woman for the choices they make. For I am not God nor do I fully know what her situation is. That is between each woman and God. For only God knows the true intentions of one's heart. And as fellow brothers & sisters in Christ, we have no right to judge another for choosing to stay at home or to work outside the home.

Anna S said...

USAincognito,

You know this saying, "I know two things: one, there is God. Two, I am not Him"?

I think it's a very good guideline, and try to run my blog accordingly. If you check out my FAQs section (on the sidebar), you can read what this blog is not about: pointing fingers. Making other women feel bad about their choices. Waging war on each other because of our different viewpoints. Not here!

I was raised by a single mother who never received any sort of help from my father, and as such I know sometimes women have to work outside the home. I also remember my childhood: a dirty, unorganized home. Meals that were never served on time. An exhausted, wiped out mother I only saw on weekends. This is precisely what lead me to think it's almost impossible to 'have it all' and remain sane.

Rightthinker said...

Exactly, Anna.

I am sure most of us who feel strongly about mothers working have a true understanding of those who are placed in a position who have to-or feel that they do.

What we are saying is that it simply isn't the best choice for children. That's all. We are trying to debunk the current myth that women can raise good children, be completely immersed in them, have a happy and fulfilled husband, a home that is cared for, food that is healthy, a devoted relationship with Christ, and a full-time career..while maintaining health and sanity.

The have-it-all attitude is the issue, not the handful of women who have to work to keep their families off the streets...very rare.

Usaincognito-I praise you for choosing to remain single if you have chosen a career. That is an unselfish undeavor..much more than believing it is your right to have children you won't be raising!

Anonymous said...

Hey guys. I myself am a teenager, but may I say something? I, too, have a dream of being a homemaker. I dream of having a loving husband, darling children and a godly home where I can cook meals and provide godly discipline to my children. That is my dream. My mom has all thos things. The only difference is that she's a working mom.
My mom isn't a working mom because she wants to, or she wants more money, or anything like that. She works because she HAS to. Without both her and my dad working, we'd be living in an apartment, struggling to make ends meet.
My mom WANTS to stay home, but she can't. She'd jump at the chance to, but right now, that's not what God's plan is for her. But even though she isn't a stay-at-home-mom, she's still great. We're best friends, and she has taught me to cook and clean, and probably do some sewing. I wish that I could be like her when I become a mom!
But the problem is, so many people look down on working-moms. They think they're being feminists. While that may be true for a majority, there are some moms who HAVE to do to keep their families financially secure.
I'm not saying I advocate going to work when you should be raising the kids, but could you please be mindful that some moms are making sacrifices so that their children can lead more comfortable lives? My mom doesn't ignore her family - she works around the clock for them. And if sacrifice for your family isn't one of the qualities of motherhood, then I don't know what is.
Thanks for letting me speak. I hope one day to be a stay-at-home-mom with a loving family.
Sincerely,
a teenager

Anna S said...

Dear teenager,

Thanks for taking the time to comment!
I'm not sure if you read through the comment section, but just in case, I'll say again I was raised by a single mother who, of course, had to work. Is my Mom a bad mother? No, she's wonderful, sweet, kind, caring and compassionate. We're best friends. We have an age difference of 36 years, but only yesterday, we did some pillow fighting!
You won't hear me say, 'a working mother is a bad mother'. Period. But it's just SO hard. So, so hard, nearly impossible to have everything together and stay sane.

When I say I want to be a stay-at-home wife, my mother says it's impossible to make it on one income. And that's funny. Why? Because she never received any child support and we HAD to make do with her income - and in case you wonder, it's a small one! - for many, many years before I started working part-time. We had no choice - so we lived in an apartment, never had a car, and made a whole lot of other sacrifices. We had to. Some may choose not to do that, but it is, in almost all cases, possible to make it on one income.

Word Warrior said...

Hi Anna,

Just happened to drop in today...delighted to see you posted my comment about "having it all".

I just talked to a friend the other night (she has a full time career and a family with children)who was lamenting to me that her life was in shambles, she felt no self-worth, she was exhausted from trying to be the best at everything, her husband didn't know what to do with her, etc.

What could I tell her? The truth..."decide what is important to you, and devote your life to that."

(Even aside from any spiritual reasons, it doesn't even make sense, logically, that someone could be good at so many things at one time!)

I see it all the time, some are willing to admit it, others are not. Praise God for women like you and others who are bold enough to say "NO, you can't have it all, and don't listen to the voices that tell you you can!"

Thank you Anna!

Anna S said...

Word Warrior, thanks for dropping by! Yes, it makes sense even if you look at it from a practical, non-spiritual point of view: we just can't be superwomen!

Rightthinker said...

Anon,

I feel for your position. I realize that families have, by and large, become convinced that they must have two incomes to have their needs met. "Needs" have been redefined in many cases.

I have several friends in my area that are members of the Eastern Orthodox Catholic Church. They oppose any form of BC, and most have anywhere between 5-15 children. EVERY one of the mothers stay home. Some live in small little homes that are old and cramped, and others live in large beautiful homes on acreage. It depends what they are able to afford.

My point is this-it is a struggle for many families to "make it" on one income. They struggle because they have decided that mom raising children is MORE important than any ease of finances...particularly when 2 incomes usually end up with more expenses than one!

Overwhelmingly, in the Catholic homes I have visited, what I have found-no matter what the level of income, is more love to go around to the numerous children, than what I've witnessed with most families in the world.

Isn't it funny that the "burden" of all those children that could be eased a little by mom bringing in even $15k a year, means nothing to them? God still provides through dad working and mom working in the home, and always counting on His blessing.

I will pray that you continue to have a wonderful relationship with your mom, and that God will speak to your heart to convince you that His will is for mom's to stay home with their children-regardless of income.

TulipGrrl said...

Quote: "I think it's more like, 'family first, sure, but I must also have work, career, self-fulfillment, community activities – those are important as well! How do I squeeze it all into my life? Well, I'll manage somehow!' or even 'I realize my duties are suffering, but I must have that extra income, and I must find employment outside my home, because otherwise I'm worthless! All my life, I have been taught I have no value if I have no paycheck – how do you expect me to change this now?!'"

When I read this, I hear conjecture about thoughts/motivations being made. . . It makes me wonder how many working women are in your intimate circle of friends, women who share with you their thoughts about working?

The woman you do know well who worked--your mother--you describe in a way that doesn't sound at all like the thought process you attribute to the run-of-the-mill working woman.

Being a mother, wife, investing in our families as our primary ministry, homemaking--all of these things are valuable.

These things can be promoted without the foil of false motivations of working women.

Grace and peace,

Anna S said...

Tulip,

To answer your question: most of my friends, my mother's friends, and indeed all the women I know are working women. I also went to college, and as you can imagine, was surrounded by many career-centered (whether they admit it or not) women. We had many conversations about family, role of women and career, and I'm basically quoting them.

Laura Leigh said...

"Having said this, let's imagine a young woman who is planning to get married, doesn't know of any existing fertility problems, has moral difficulties with contraception (or more like, doesn't think she should postpone God's precious blessings)… and wants to have a glorious career. She knows that if she remains in good health and God blesses her, she might have six, ten or more children in the next twenty-something years. Do you see a problem here?"
Anna...I was this woman! I married in May 2006, did not use any contraception, and began law school in August 2006. Imagine my surprise when I discovered in my 4th week of law school that I was pregnant! I DID NOT want to leave, because I thought I could "have it all". God had other plans for me, and when morning sickness between law classes made school very difficult, I left school. I was angry at God because I knew he wanted me to be a SAHM and I thought that was a waste of my talents. Fast forward to today, after surrendering my life to God's plans, and I am a very happy SAHM to a beautiful 5 month old boy. I am glad that what I let go of was my ambition and not the chance to have a family.

Joe said...

Anna....you are a very intelligent and thoughtful girl, and I am pleased that you are remaining true to your womanly and feminine
nature. God will bless you always!

Jennifer Kaufman said...

I think "having it all" has to be defined by the individual. Because I graduated from a very good college with the highest honors, I'm often expected to have this big yuppie career. Do I work? Of course, I like getting paid, but I don't want a big yuppie career because I don't want my life to revolved around the workplace. I want to spend time doing my freelance writing, hanging out with friends and getting involved in my community.

I don't like to see women who stay at home to run a household and take care of their children insulted as wasting their lives. And I certainly don't like being called a "narcisstic whore" because I've chosen not to have children.

MarkyMark said...

Folks,

Here's my take on this question: NO ONE can have it all-no one! Being a guy, I naturally take the logical position on this. I shall use a concept from basic economics to illustrate my point.

As I said, no one can have it all. This seems so obvious that I shouldn't have to say this, but no one can have it all. Sooner or later, choices will have to be made; sooner or later, we all have to choose that which we'd most like to have, and let go of the rest.

In economics, there is a phrase that describes what I'm talking about: opportunity cost. In the context of economics, this means that we all have a finite amount of money to spend, and that we'll have to make CHOICES as to how we allocate that money. If I spend my money on X, then I'm forfeiting the opportunity to spend it on Y. For example, if I want to save for retirement, then I need to cut my expenditures now, so that I'll have money for this. That could mean driving a smaller, more basic, and cheaper car than what I could otherwise afford; by saving for retirement, I'm forfeiting the OPPORTUNITY to buy a fancier, flashier car. Or, if I want a brand new motorcycle, then that'll most likely cost more than two nice used ones like the ones I have. I looked at new bikes, but I ended up getting two used ones. Why? Because new bikes are TOO EXPENSIVE; what would have been a down payment on the Harley-Davidson Sportster I was looking at was enough to buy two, low mileage used bikes that were practically like new. Oh, and I don't owe a DIME on them! In other words, to take advantage of the opportunity to buy the bikes I presently own, I had to forfeit the opportunity to buy a new one.

How does this apply to our personal lives? What does THIS have to do with the price of tea in China? It has plenty to do with our personal lives; as to whether or not it has anything to do with the price of tea in China, who knows?! That's just an expression that I like to use... :)

Anyway, we apply this concept of opportunity cost in our lives all the time. For example, if you want to spend the afternoon reading a book, then you cannot go out to see a movie, go kayaking, bike riding, walking, etc. during that same block of time. Since we only have 24 hours in a day, we simply cannot do everything that we wish to do; we have to make choices as to what will bring us the most benefit and/or joy.

If a woman spends her young, fertile years attending college, getting an MBA, and working a 'glamourous' job on Wall Street for 60 hours a week or more, then she's not going to have the time, energy, or opportunity to meet any men, let alone date them; forget getting MARRIED to one!

Likewise, if a woman tries to be 'Superwoman', and she works outside the home in addition to her domestic duties, then there is NO WAY she can cover all bases. If she wants the corner office, i.e. she wants to succeed in her career, then she's going to have to spend more time at the office; it's just that simple. Companies don't give you promotions or hefty pay checks because they're nice guys; they do so with the expectation that you'll bring in more money for them. This usually entails having more duties added to the ones you already have; if you get paid more, it's because you're DOING more at most companies. This means working harder, longer, and smarter. This means a 40 hour work week is a pipe dream; try a minimum of 55-60, Darlin'! So, when does Superwoman have time for home? When does she have time for her husband? When does she have time for her children? Can anyone say "Duh?"

Conversely, if a woman working outside the home wishes to focus her energies on taking care of said home, then her career will suffer; it's just that simple. In order to get the flexibility she needs for this, she will have to forsake the glam jobs on Wall Street. She'll have to take something that pays less, is less demanding, etc. Since she's not doing as much, she won't get PAID as much. Again, this is common sense, people!

In closing, we all have opportunity costs in our lives; we all have a finite amount of money & time, which means we cannot have it all. Try as we might, we cannot have it all. We have to make choices as to what will bring us the most benefits, both on a personal & professional level. No one can have it all; no one EVER had it all; no one will ever have it all. To me, this seems to be so obvious that I cannot fathom how women missed it. There goes that patriarchal, oppressive logic again-shoot! As a man, I just can't help it... ;)

MarkyMark

Anonymous said...

Anna,
So interesting that I happened upon your blog, considering I am an ardent feminist with no plans on having children and no religious affiliation.

However, I find your blog illuminating, enlightening, and wonderful. Thank you for sharing your beliefs and for being faithful to those beliefs.

I, also, agree that no one, woman nor man, child nor adult, can ever HAVE IT ALL. It is not possible.

This is why I have decided that I will not have children and therefore will probably not marry. Not that it is of any importance to me, although I assume it is to you and many of your readers, I am heterosexual. This decision wasn't because of a dislike of men. Trust me! :-)

I am an artist and my career is very important to me. This is what I've wanted ever since I was a little girl and ever since I was little I knew I would never marry because I knew I couldn't have it all. I knew I couldn't have the career I wanted and have a sound family.

My parents have been married happily for thirty years and I was blessed with a stay at home mother. Although our family went through tough financial times as immigrants in the US, my mother was thrifty and I never felt deprived. My mother supported my father's career and later on in life we lived quite comfortably because of her support at home--making sure we always had lovely meals, a clean, well-appointed home, and that I received a sound education and went to a good university.

This is not to say that I do not respect those mothers who feel that they MUST earn money to support their families. Who am I to judge? Everyone's situation is different.

But I do have many friends whose mothers were absolute career women and they all tell me they felt they missed out on much needed time and attention from their mothers.

I respect and love stay at home moms. I know that this modern world doesn't respect them because this modern world only appreciates the almighty [insert currency here]. I am not one of those feminists who snubs their noses at these wonderful women who contribute so much to their families and to their societies. It really is the toughest job.

Because I know all these things, and because I feel strongly about my work, I have decided at an early age not to have children. And because a marriage without children seems a little pointless, I suppose I won't get married either.

I am content with my choice. But there have been pitfalls. For instance, I thought since I wasn't going to get married, I could have casual sex and not get hurt by it. I have lived enough of life to know that that's not the case. Emotions are scarred often by such behavior--I have experienced this and so have many of my friends.

I would like to meet a life partner I can share my life with, but if that doesn't happen, then so be it.

Anyway, just wanted to share with you. We are very different women, but we agree on many things.

And MarkyMark, I must politely disagree with your assumption that logic is solely the domain of men. Women have the ability to be logical and many men are completely illogical. Let us not confine logic to one sex but rather say that it is a human quality that can be nurtured through education and discipline.

Respectfully,
M

Seeking Him said...

You are speaking right to my heart! As I sit here, I feel so torn between working and fulfilling my true duties as a woman in a marriage. I want to have kids, work at home (domestically), and focus on God. I don't want to be here at a desk making a bigger paycheck than my husband! I am totally fine with the idea of being a keeper-of-the-home. Your post touched on everything I have been thinking about and gave sound advice.

I can't tell you how blessed I feel to have stumbled across your blog. Please continue!

Sarah

strongbeliever said...

Anna, I am a working woman. I choose, personally, not to have children. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends and a very fulfilling life. I choose to be a feminist because I believe that I am truely equal to everyone on earth. Feminism is defined as 'the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men'. The only evil characteristics of feminism come from the women who choose to believe that we are now and forever unequal partners to men, and those women are undeserving of the right to vote, education and other basic human rights that we have eventually won as part of the feminist movement. Although I disagree with your views on feminism and God I am still fasinated by your website, and I have a query. I ask this with no disrespect; 'Can a woman have it all if her husband is a full time house-husband?' She isn't neglecting her family because she is the breadwinner and the children have a full time parent, or is it just wrong when women want to work?, period.

insearchofhubby said...

Anna,

Your individual point of view of and on feminism is very subjective to your own personal journey; and to be perfectly fair, being subjective is a given with any one of us. You have gone from being a secular to frum; such a journey is bound to have moments of you rejecting certain realities that may not work for you. That isn’t to say that these realities aren’t working for other women.

Being a full time mother and wife is your dream. I say that is great! At the same time I think it ought to be made clear that the dream of being a full time mother and wife is your dream, an individual woman called Anna. There maybe scores and scores of women who will relate, support, want, share, and join you in your dream, and that is great. But there will be women who have other dreams, and those dreams will have different callings, paths, and life journeys.

I, for one, never saw feminism state that you can have it all. Having it all must be quite boring. If you have it all, than what else is there to ask for? You got nothing to move and work towards to.

To me, feminism, is about seeing a woman as an individual who has a right to have her dreams fulfilled any way or form she sees fit, same as it is available to a man. If some women choose to exercise the right to fulfilling themselves through not having a family, so let them. And if other women choose to exercise the right to fulfilling themselves through having a large family, so let them as well.

On a personal level I often get offended by frum ladies bashing feminism in shuirims right and left, often making fun or being down right rude to career women. And just to be perfectly clear, I don’t see your post as bashing feminism. It is more that your post brought up something else for me. In any case, it troubles me to hear frum ladies bashing feminism through harsh judgment, and downright rudeness. What puzzles me the most is frum ladies’ inability to appreciate that had it not been for feminism opening the doors to equal wages and work opportunities to women, a lot of frum ladies who are part of kollel culture, wouldn’t have means to support their husbands!

At the end of a day I say any woman who has an awareness of who she is, what she needs in her environment to be happy, has healthy conversations with herself, kind, and giving is a great woman, regardless if she chose career or family life.

Katherine said...

Dear Mrs. Anna T,

You would not believe how refreshing it is to know that there are other women, like yourself, who are against the norms modern society brings. Why is it things have changed? I am a 24 year old woman, who lives in a metropolitan area. As women, we are now looked down for choosing homemaking over career...it's almost a laughing joke for my mother and her generation (women who grew up in the 60's and 70's)for a woman to want to stay home and raise a family. I am glad we now have a choice and the rights to work but for some reason, things have got out of control and home life is not how it should be. I long for the past...

Summer said...

hello anna , i have been reading all of the brilliant and sensible comments from everyone who has posted on your blog ..... this is a very tender topic as it strikes the heart of women all over who are in conflict with the secular world vs. GODS teachings and instructions ..... now don't get me wrong here, there is nothing wrong with a woman having a career and definitely nothing wrong with with going to college to attain an education but the secular world tells us that if we don't this we have nothing to contibute to society ..... whats wrong with this picture ?? how can women have it all ? worldly speaking ....we cannot ..... how much sense does it make to bring a sweet child into this world and then hand them over to other people 6-8 hours a day 5 days per week while we go out to earn money to pay the person who is caring for our child .....and then hence on the side, after work , when we do not have work or when everyone else is sleeping we get to prepare meals in advance ( or eat at mcdonalds ) , clean the house, do the laundry , plant a vegetable garden, do the shopping (and not only grocery ), play in the park , tend to our husbands, do the homework , talk to our sisters mothers friends etc.etc...... now the savvy would say that we should a husband who pitches in with all these extra jobs however since he is also working full time the way i see it is if he is available or willing (whichever ) this is still called juggling and chaos .... and to add more to plate this will double and triple with each successive child..... we as women need to wake up .... our true identity is not found in being perfect..... the bible tells us that the serpent was more crafty than any of the other wild animals and his lie from the beginning was , "You will not surely die, "but in the mean time we are dying physically emotionally and most of all spiritually because of this great deception that we can have it all !! let us reflect on our priorities ( our husbands and our children )let us allow our husbands to be the heads of our households by respecting their roles as leaders ( this does not mean we will allow them to abuse neglect or lord it over their families )let us begin to clean up the financial mess we have all made ( trying to be perfect and " have it all ") it would be wise to turn our hearts to the LORD and ask him for the guidance wisdom and discernment to become the godly women HE intended us to be ...... there are many OLD TESTAMENT and NEW testament scriptures that can uplift us.... here are some I found : Genesis ch.2and 3, THE BOOK of RUTH,PROVERBS 22:6 & PROVERBS 31,1CORINTHIANS 11:11-12 & ch.13,EPHESIANS 5:21-33 & ch.6,THE BOOK of TITUS, 1PETER 3:1-7....using the scriptures to satisfy our soul will never hurt us.... GOD BLESS !

Tea Duchess said...

After 30+ years of feminism we are left to fend for ourselves. Almost every time I go shopping, I am hassled by panhandlers. Dirty, scruffy, men approaching a woman for money. The swearing and lewd comments men say in front of women are appalling. Locker room talk is prevalent in our society, out in the open. My home schooled nephew went to the local middle school to participate in afterschool football. HE was treated like the freak for being home schooled and the 12 year old girls that were there to hand out water to the team were talking about giving the players lap dances. They were also dressed skimpy. I'm glad there are women who are upholding a standard of modesty and excellence in their home and public lives and not kowtowing to what is mistakenly called, 'progressive' thinking.

Jeannie said...

I am curious as to what your opinion is on the father staying home, and the mother having the career to support the family?

Currently my husband and I both have careers (he's a mechanic and I'm a banker) but once we are blessed with some little ones we obviously want someone at home caring for them properly. My income and my medical benefits are much more than his, and would provide much better for a family. I know he will be a wonderful father, and be very caring and supportive of our children. Right now we share the duties of keeping our house clean and preparing meals,etc, but I know he would do a great job of it on his own if he were to stay at home and I were to pursue providing the income..

It's not that I don't want to be with my children, but he is just as capable as me of doing it, and he wants to.

I know it's reversed roles, but it seems like it will work best for us. Any thoughts?

Anonymous said...

I think that we have to look at this from all angles, think about why the feminist movement started. Women up until recently didn't have education or health really invested in. It was thought that women would just have lots of children. Women have done very well in academia and child mortality rates have improved. If you wish and can support lots of children then that is your choice however this is not the only place where a women's worth lies.

I have spoken to a cross section of women ,some want children , other's don't, a few want lots. If you take into account paternal culture women by in large are expected to just deal with the kids all this issues going on at home. The man just come in expecting a hot meal kids in bed and oh yes her to have the energy to have sex. So people are asking why some women have said why bother with a bloke other than conception they could have their parents or other members of family looking after there children. Of course I think dad's are prime in a child's upbringing we can see the damage absent fathers has done to society.

Really women have to consider their options prayerfully. Men don't just leave the parenting to women or you are going to get a cross woman, not now but years down the line you will