Wednesday, October 3, 2007

My ambitions

Today Mom came into my room, sat on my bed, started at me for a long time, let out a heavy sigh and finally said:
'You know, I'm really worried about you.'
This scene has been repeating itself about once a week for the past several months.

Allow me to explain that lately, listening to my conversations, seeing my lack of enthusiasm about pursuing a higher degree or competitive career, and observing my passion about everything that has to do with home and family, Mom became seriously concerned that I 'actually might carry out this stupid plan of mine to become a housewife'.

I love my Mom. I really do, and I don't want to complain, as I know that my little discouragements are nothing, comparing to what others have to face. But it's not exactly pleasant, if you know what I mean, to listen time and time again to the same things: 'you must have a career to secure your future, you must be a professional to be fulfilled, you need the money to be able to give more (more what?) to your children, you can't depend on a man, your husband might be unable to take care of you, you'll never be able to make a living on one income…' – and on and on and on. I'm sure that almost every woman of this generation who chose to dedicate herself to home heard all of it and more, many times. Oh, and this look of deepest concern, when she sees me enjoying something as mundane as hanging the laundry, baking a pie, or knitting!

And then she said something that actually got me laughing out loud:
'It troubles me that you have no ambitions.'

'No ambitions? What do you mean, Mom? I have the highest ambitions – to become a wife, a helpmeet, a lifelong partner of one wonderful and special man; to be a joyful mother to as many children as God gives me, and raise them in love of Him; to build a sweet and beautiful home and fill it with peace and joy, creating memories that will last a lifetime and beyond; what paycheck can ever promise me these glorious perspectives?'

'It's all very nice, but you know what I mean. Real ambitions. To have enough money to be able to afford a more affluent lifestyle; trips abroad; nice clothes; eating out as much as you like. Don't you want all that?'

I know it was meant to sound very appealing, but it didn't tempt me even for a second. And what if we ask ourselves what real ambitions are – for short term goals, or for a lifetime? For things that won't matter in ten years, or for things that will make an impact in the life of many generations after us? The answer is pretty obvious to me, but how often do we find the world around us obsessing with the short-term, the self-centered, the selfishly ambitious? I know Mom meant no harm. I know she loves me. But I just can't agree with her point of view.

Not long ago I had to face the prospect of losing all my money. At first I was very stressed and worried about it, but then it taught me an important lesson. First, I realized, I'm too attached to my possessions. Sure, I need enough money for the real necessities: food, shelter, clothes, basic health care; I always had more than I actually needed, which brings me to the second point – I asked myself: was there a time in my life when He hasn't provided for me? Did I go hungry, cold and homeless? No. Not one day! So why am I worried now, instead of trusting in Him?

Fulfilling my calling as a woman is just another aspect of relying on Him. It might be uncommon, it might be counter-cultural, it might be not what everyone else are doing – but I won't let it stop me.

78 comments:

Jenny said...

I think she probably just sees you going down sort of the same path as she was forced to... no money, no expensive things, no vacations... and wanted you to have all that. Perhaps she may also feel that she worked hard for you to go to school and college (if you went, I can't rememebr) and she sees you 'throwing that away' and perhaps takes it a little personally.

I am 100% certain your mum wants you to be happy. However, perhaps she sees the idea of deliberately chosing what may seem as a financially poor option, she is concerned you will be as stressed, worried and maybe even discontented as she may have been.

I was so blessed that my parents never bothered me to pick a career and go to uni. I can remember even as a little girl saying all I wanted to be was a mother. I guess they knew it was inevitable :)

Anna S said...

Jenny: *of course* my darling mother wants me to be happy. I have not the slightest doubt. And yes, financial concerns are a part of it, as well as thinking I *wasted* my college education (I'm a fresh graduate).

mermade said...

You most certainly are NOT wasting your college education. I do not think that is something capable of being wasted, even if you do not put it towards a career. You do have high ambitions, Anna! All women who want to become mothers -- career or not -- have high ambitions in my book! :-)

One thing I disagree with, though, is the notion that I want a career just so I can afford a life of expensive trips to Europe, a fancy car and home, etc. That is not why I want a career -- I want to be an English teacher because I want to make a positive difference in the world through teenagers and (perhaps!) college students. I live in Los Angeles -- where the average house costs around $500,000. A humble teacher's salary will pay the bills and mortgage payments, not fancy vacations. I am not obtaining a college degree for the money. I think you are a VERY intelligent girl, Anna -- and a wonderfully talented writer. Going to college is a good experience for most everyone, in my opinion. :-)

Crystal said...

What a candid description. I can remember times when I as an adult have disappointed my mom by not doing as she expected of me. But our parent's aren't who we are to serve. We serve them because God calls us to, but it's God we are called to serve. And it certainly sounds like He has called you to be a Proverbs 31 kind of wife. I do want to encourage you that it doesn't hurt to have higher education even if you only end up using your knowledge for your future family. I went to college for three years studying Theology and family counseling and see it as a great preparation for our family. On the other hand, it lead to us starting our marriage with a great deal of debt as my student loans were constantly a struggle to pay at all. I did work at first but always resented it because when I'd get home I still had a second job and never could see how I could rest. Yes having two incomes meant we had more to work with, but it also meant that because I was always tired we ate out more, I had to pay for gas every day and those kind of expenses pretty much ate up anything I made and contributed. Between having many health issues come up and this it started to make more sense for us to buckle down and for me to be at home. I saw it as a good kick in the backside from God. :-) Yes things take longer. But my homemade food is so much better then most of the stuff we ever ate out, and I can see that my husband isn't as stressed when he comes home because he can just relax instead of having to scramble to help me around the house to get anything done.

I think it's so sad that the last few decades have really killed most people's understanding of a true housewife. I am so proud to be a housewife, and I know from what I've read in your blog that you will someday be a real blessing to a great man because you have the heart of a real housewife.

Blessings,
Crystal

Anna S said...

Mermade - I want to clarify that I didn't make a generalization here (of why women want to have careers), but simply wrote down the conversation I had with my mother.

Now, about making a difference in the world: I know there are many working (and volunteering) women, acting towards many noble causes, being a light of hope and encouragement. But you know something? I think no cause, no matter how good or right *in itself*, justifies the woman's own family and children being neglected; a family which can't, and won't, have another wife and mother.

I'm not saying each and every obligation outside the home inevitably means neglect of one's own family. Each woman needs to see, very carefully, how much she can give to others without compromising the needs of those precious people God gave her to care for.

Crystal - I do have a degree in nutrition, and I feel it will be very useful for me as a future homemaker (even with all the drawbacks of vile influences I had to face during my college years). I managed to get through my years as a student without debt, for which I'm filled with gratitude. Thank you for your encouragement!

Shannon said...

Hi Anna,

I wanted to comment on your post, not with hostility as I know you were sharing your experience and opnions on your mother's view of your choosing to be a homemaker and helpmeet. I believe that it is very noble and honoring to God for a mother to stay at home with her children and care for the home. There seems to be more and more women choosing to do this as they see the pitfalls of working the 9 to 5 then coming home to care for the home and family. It can be too much.

However, as single adults, who are not married to one who will provide for the household, we have responsibilities that involve paying for our basic needs. Due to my family circumstances, I live alone. I have rent, utility bills, transportation expenses and other obligations to meet. I cannot rely on relatives or the government to flip the bill on these needs. Not that I don't appreciate the help, but as an adult it is my responsibility to earn a living not as a feminist, or career go-getter, or any of the other labels that working women tend to get from some of the christian websites I have come across. The bible does not forbid a woman to earn wages. Proverbs 31 speaks of the woman who looks after her family. If earning money is a way to do so, than is working always such a terrible thing?

I have been reading a lot of christian blogs involving women who had to go out and get jobs while still living with their parents. These women hold to their christian convictions and desire to be a homemaker and helpmeet one day. They have not become harlots, apostates or heretics in having a job. They realize that they cannot expect relatives or friends to care for all their needs.

My views on working have changed, I desire work because I want to pay my debts and be secure in that one day shall I be blessed with a spouse, there will be a foundation and I won't be bringing a boat load of debt into a marriage.

I am not telling you what you are doing is wrong, In fact, I think it is wonderful you are learning valuable homemaking skills and serving your family, I am saying that your mom has concern for you because she loves you and wants you to have a way out. To not struggle like she did. From what you tell, NP sounds like a wonderful person, but know that no one is perfect and people fail. My mom did not leave herself a way out and was abused for 17 years by my father. Be prayerful and cautious.

Anna S said...

Hi Shannon, and thank you for your insight!

I think I'll clarify again that I have been working and earning money for my needs, mostly from home, for several years now, and intend to continue doing so until I'm married, as I don't have a father (I believe a father is responsible to provide for his daughters until they get married). I passed through college debt-free and with a nice amount in savings, thanks to spending wisely.

As someone who grew up fatherless and had to go through abuse, I don't attempt to brush this crucial problem away. A woman should be cautious, yes; when she has reason to be. But working outside the home when I'm married, just in case I'm abandoned or abused? I think it would be like hiding in a bunker for the rest of my life, just in case war breaks out.

Becky K said...

Hello Anna, I know exactly where you are coming from! Let me clarify that...I will know exactly where you are when I will tell my parents my decision to become a homemaker. Currently I am working outside of the home, for the soul purpose to help us be able to move into a home quicker. I could stay at home now - it would be tight but I could do it. My father will be exactly like your mother....he will be very upset that he paid for a college education that I will not be using. In fact what I have my college degree in isn't what I am working in now anyway....it is very hard for my father to grasp the idea of staying at home. His mother worked out of necessity when his parents got divorced, my mother works all the time and continues to work to this day but I think she misses out on some things. I want to be able to be a successful SAHM, I want my children to know that I am here whenever they need me, that "work" will never be used as an excuse about why I couldn't come to their event. I am sure it sounds selfish to some people but that is what I want. I in fact have expressed my worries about telling my father to my husband and you know what my husband tells me? It is not his life, you have to stop worrying about what he thinks or says. You have to live for what you think is right so Anna, go for it girl!!

Terry said...

You're right, I've heard it all and more before. I think your your mom, like my stepmom, who raised two kids alone for many years before becoming my stepmom, knows first hand what life can be like if you have to make it on your own. I don't recall you ever syaing if she was a Christian. The life you desire is one of total faith and reliance on God. In a society obsessed with self-reliance, it's hard for people who don't believe to appreciate the high calling you've chosen. Not only that, but to understand that while trusting your husband is part of the equation, it is only part. Ultimately your trust is in the Lord, and not in man. In a culture full of jaded, wounded people, the life of faith can seem foolish.

Anna S said...

Becky - thank you so much for the encouragement. Once I'm married it will all be different of course; but for now I'm at home, and will be remaining at home until I'm married, so I'm seeking to find a position of peace, not defiance.

Terry - you're absolutely right about putting my faith in God, ultimately, not in men. As to your question, my mother was raised as an atheist and is a non-believer.

Buffy said...

I had pressure from my parents to get out and start earning money once I left university. That's the way our society thinks about women now. And most men also want this from their wives these days. At least you are marrying someone who agrees with your views about the value of homemaking.

Your conversations with your mother highlight a key problem area for those who are trying to keep the commandment to obey and respect parents when their parents' instructions go against what they believe is God's teaching in a specific area such as homemaking. To be honest I'm not really sure what the answer is. It's the same problem as arises with some husbands. Perhaps you could do a post on this sometime, I think it's beyond me.

Tracy said...

Anna,
My sincerest sympathies to you as I know that your heart is broken that your mom can't see that you are choosing a good and noble path. A path that women have shunned for years now. I won't try to make excuses for her, for there are none other than this is how the world perceives stay at home wives and mothers.

I find it a bit curious that she made it on one income, but doubts that you can live on what your husband will make. I know that she must have felt struggles, and stress, having to provide soley, and her being a woman. As much as no woman today wants to admit it, it is stressful to have to provide. That's because God didn't intend it to be that way.

Keep your chin up, and the smile of pleasure on your face, This will not be the end of her opposition, I'm sure. My mother is all for me being home, but thinks me weird for other things. Homeschooling, wearing dresses and skirts only, etc. It does no good for me to argue, or frankly at this point, for me to even explain. She doesn't "really" hear me anyway. I just smile, and go on.

Katy-Anne said...

Good posting Anna. I do think it's interesting that when you make a post like this, everyone comes up with a reason why their particular situation is somehow different, even though the Bible is very clear that a woman is to be a keeper AT home. At meaning she is to be in her home, not out working. No matter what our situation, God tells us what He wants a woman to do, and to go against that is using our reasoning instead of His wisdom on how to solve a problem.

Anna S said...

Tracy, I also find it a bit ironic that precisely my mother, who never received any help from my father whatsoever and made it on her (until a few years ago, tiny) income, thinks we won't make it in a much more promising situation. I think she wants me to have all the luxuries she feels she missed on; I do hope that in the future, we'll reach a point of respect for each other's choices/situations.

Jenny said...

Anna, I hope what I wrote didn't come across as mean. I suppose as you didn't mention whether you knew where she was coming from or not, that perhaps you were becoming a tad frustrated :o) . Please excuse me if I sounded pompus.

I haven't worked since my eldest son was born... and it was a non-issue between my husband and I that that would be the course we would take. I wish I had known more about the stay at home wife thing... I definately would have chosen it! Though, I must admit that it took me a long time to feel as though my staying at home was legitimate, and that I wasn't being 'beholden' to my husband. The whole idea that an unpaid housewife is a noble calling is certainly not something the world promotes. But we are certainly going to be teaching it to our daughters, though, should they wish a further education, we shan't say no, I don't think, however, hopefully, they will have hearts for their husbands and homes... at least, that is the way we will be guiding them. I am sure Proverbs 22:6 will hold true.

Anna S said...

Jenny, *of course* what you wrote didn't come across as mean. Not at all. :) I *am* slightly frustrated, after the thousandth almost-identical conversaton; but hey, that's a part of life!

Katy-Anne said...

Hi Anna

I remember you asking me a question about the goat milk that we feed the baby. Goat milk is the closest thing nutritionally to human milk, which is why it is a far superior choice than formula. Nursing is God's plan for feeding a baby, but for some reason God allowed that my milk be toxic and therefore I have to feed the baby goat milk. I didn't get information off the internet so I can't help you with links. Our midwife/pediatrican told us to only use goat milk. I knew of the benefits of goat milk above formula before, but she told us some more.

Ron and Ginny said...

Keep your eyes on the Lord, dear, and keep honoring your mother. The Lord will keep you. :-D

Anonymous said...

Anna,
I think that your mom deserves a little more compassion. She was abandoned by your father, and was forced to raise you on one income. That's *very* different from choosing to be a housewife with a loving husband.

I understand what you want to do and why you want to do it-- but you probably aren't doing what your mom thought you would do when she worked so hard to raise you.

I'm sure it's difficult for you to have these conversations, but I also can see why your mom is so worried.

Good luck to both of you!
Emily

Anna S said...

Katy-Anne: thanks for the information!

Emily: I *do* understand where Mom is coming from, and feel sorry for the struggles she had to go through. I know it played a major part in forming her identity and opinions. Again - we both love each other and want each other to be happy, so I hope to reach a point of mutual understanding.

Dawn said...

Bless you and your mom's heart. A mother's love of their children can be expressed in so many different ways.
I know your mom means well and I am glad that she doesn't belittle and outright mock you.
For an unbeliever to understand why you choose home instead of other things is hard for them. You can quote them Scripture but it won't click in their minds.
Like you said, just smile and nod. That's pretty much what I had to do with my aunt Betty...oh my...LOL.
When you and NP are married and having little blessings, she will be able to see that yes, you can live on one income and be content and happy with out the luxuries of the world. She might then be able to understand what you have been telling her all along. :)
Your mom sounds like a sweetheart though :)

I became a KAH at the age of 21. I don't regret one moment of it. And neither does my hubby:)

I know if I was bringing in a $1,000 paycheck each month, we would just spent it on stuff. That's the main thing I am trying to get rid of now is all this 'stuff' in the house. :)
I do sell on eBay and throw the money in our savings. It's not some gigantic paycheck but it's allowed me to clear the clutter from my home and closets and make some cash while doing it :)

You keep on studying on how to be the best KAH you can be. I support you 100% and I know NP is going to be one spoiled husband :)

God Bless You!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, maybe you two could meet in the middle. Like, say you get a job now, save the money, but then when you get married, become a housewife! That way, you still get what you want-to be a housewife, your mother would be happy-you have a job and you'll have money in the bank - good for everyone.

USAincognito said...

Katy-Anne: If the Bible supposedly says all women are "called" to marriage then why did God bless & use so many SINGLE, WORKING women throughout Scripture? And for that matter, why does Scripture even mention SINGLE, WORKING women in the first place?!? Not every women is meant to be married!!

I guess I get frustrated with everyone coming down so hard on those of us who are single Christian women who do have a career. (or even those who are married Christian women with a career) God blesses us, too, because we are doing what HE has willed for us.
Just because we work, it does not mean we are putting our families second nor are we "abandoning" them.

I really wish Christians would stop belittling others for their choices on having a career, marriage, clothing preference, music preferences, etc. When you stop and think about it, none of this really matters to GOD in the end - in the end, what matters is if you believe in God and believe that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of God, and that He came to be our sacrifice so we could have forgiveness of sins and stand before GOD blameless.
All the other issues, they really are just gray issues - issues that do not affect where we end up when we die.

And I apologize to you Anna for rambling on and on here. I have to defend myself probably just as much as you have to defend yourself as to why you chose the path you did. It isn't any easier on this end of the spetrum either.

Kathleen said...

Oh Anna! I'm so glad yu have the curage to stand up and say, "This is what I want to do, this is what I am meant to do." Thank you for your steadfastness that encourages and builds me up. I get the same objections: "You need the money, you need a career in case your husband can't work, women need to have skills..." On and on it goes. If you truly believe in God and His provision, none of that is an issue. Usually I don't have the courage to oppose them: I just say, "Hmm." Next time I'll have to come up with something better than that!

Keep trusting in the Lord, obeying Him, and following His truth. Bless you! You are a blessing to me!

Kathleen

Meg said...

I feel your pain too. I am 24, have been married a little over a year, and I look forward to even becoming a SAHW. My mom has also expressed concern...sometimes I just don't get it. It's like she's implying, "You were a gift as a child, but I preferred working..." Ha! Whenever I get discouraged, I think back on times in the 40s and 50s when almost all women were at home tending to the house and family. We need more "June Cleavers" and less "Carrie Bradshaws."

Anna S said...

Dawn: yes, my Mom is a darling! We are, despite our differences, best friends. :)

Anon: like I said several times before, I work and have money in the bank since I was 17, and intend to work until I get married. Maybe I should put that on my sidebar! :)

USA: I'm sorry if you feel you must defend yourself - and you're most welcome to ramble here as much as you like.

You do know what I think about it, though. The way I see it, once God blesses a woman with marriage and motherhood, her primary responsibility is to be a wife, helpmeet and mother. Having a career would too often mean the family only gets leftovers of her time and energy.
It's very different for a single woman, though.

Anonymous said...

Your mother is afraid for you, Anna. Her own struggles have made her wary of a lifestyle that is dependent on a man's presence. She sees only heartache & poverty if you choose it, & she doesn't want you to suffer as she did. "Yes, N.P. seems a wonderful young man, but what if...?"
The truth is, there are so many "what ifs" in everyone's life. No one is exempt. So really, no matter what path you decided to take in your life, you'd encounter difficulty, uncertainty, money worries, & so forth.

It seems to me that your mother will not relax her attitude about this for a long while. She may articulate it more often at certain times, & remain silent at other times, but it will be there, nonetheless. I just hope she understands how very much you admire & respect her & all she's done for you. That's been so evident in your writing.

praying for you,
Brenda

Lauren Christine said...

I often heard the phrase, "you have no Goooooals!" To this I learned to reply, No... I have many goals! I want to be married, I want to have many children, I want to love my husband, I want to raise up a Godly generation...
Once you start listing a really long list, people stop asking :)

marianne said...

Wonderful post, Anna!

I was thinking something so similar today. My husband and I are expecting our first child in January. He and I are both very edcuated (almost PhDs) and sadly, under-employed. As a result of my education, I acquired a great deal of debt. It's something I completely accept responsibilty for, but I feel so stupid that I didn't *know* the impact it would have on my marriage.

When our baby comes along, I would love nothing more than to be a SAHW/SAHM, but neither my husband nor I see it as feasible right now. But it's not just that. We both come from families where all of the women work(ed). He was raised in the age of Feminism where desiring to be a wife/mother aren't really ambitions. In fact, I know so few men who think that way. I wonder if he had a SAHW if he'd feel out of place or discouraged because none of the people around him live like that.

Sorry for this long-winded brain purge. I was just thinking that it's not only girls and young women who are being taught that this is not an admirable life, but also a couple generations of boys and young men believe it too.

michelle said...

Hello Anna
I understand and feel your distress of your heart. I have gone through the same thing many times in the past not only with family members but others outside the home. You having a degree will only help you later if you are able to keep up on the times with it. It will transfer over the years and might come in helpful in distressing times when you are married. Just because you chose a SAH role does not mean you are throwing anything away, all those skills will come in handy. Even women of the celebrated SAH roles 30's-50's had higher education. Did they throw their education away no. They used it to their benifet in life. Then when they needed to return to the workforce for whatever reason they had the education to help. It's when you do not have any other education other than a high school education that people look down on you. So keep your chin up and remeber Mom just has her own reasons as to why you need to be warry of what could happen. I think it would be good to work like a crazy person now and when the time comes to marry quit faster than you started. I hope it all works for you.

Haus Frau said...

((((( Anna )))))

I commend you as you are exhibiting graciousness to your mother and to us who comment. ;o)

neuropoet3 said...

I can imagine how hard these "conversations" with your mother are - and yet I have to admire her for not being outright mocking either. I'm glad you know how much she cares for you - but I don't think she is going to be able to understand the calling you have until she "sees it in action" - as they say. Especially since she can't really see it through the eyes of a believer. I hope you can take comfort in the fact that once you are married and keeping your new home then you won't have to deal with these type of conversations quite as often. (Though they will probably continue off and on.) :) In the meantime, you are being a witness for Christ just by living the life God has called you to.
Blessings, and keep on keepin' on!
~Jenny

Mrs Slaq said...

Hey there Anna,

I have nothing original or insightful to say, really, but I can kind of appreciate what you and your Mom are going through. I've been married for almost 4 years and my mom still sometimes likes to think she gets to make decisions for me :) We're learning how to deal with it though, and even disagreeing is getting easier for both of us. The two of you will work it out because you do love each other, even when it's hard and frustrating to do so. You seem to understand what's going on in your Mom's head and that in itself helps a lot. You also know who sustains you. Keep on trusting in the Lord, Anna, and He will keep and comfort you.

Michelle

mermade said...

Oops! Sorry I went off on a tangent there. :-) I just wanted to say that I think you have very high ambitions and should be proud of them.

Anonymous said...

Anna,

It's obvious that you and your mom love each other and want the best for each other. I think it's easy to project what you want onto someone else-- I'm sure your mom wanted to be more affluent, go on more vacations, etc. when you were younger. Maybe that's why she wants you to have those things.

Again, I wish you two the best as you reach a compromise.
:)
Emily

wife of faith said...

Anna,

As everyone else seems to agree, your mom is simply worried that you could fall into the same predicament she did. Unfortunately, with the way the world is, you should acknowledge that it is a small possibility. There is no guarantee that even a good Christian man is going to stay the narrow path. That said, you have the right attitude. God will provide, no matter what happens in your life. If you feel like you are doing what you've been called to do, then do it as long as your parents are supportive.

Admittedly, I haven't thought about your particular situation much, but I don't really see what would be wrong with getting a higher education as long as you could still live at home. The education would not be to pursue a career outside of the home, but simply for the joy of learning. Perhaps, you could consider this as a compromise with your mom. She would feel better knowing you had a "back-up" even if you never had intentions to use it. Just a thought.

Ashley said...

Anna,

My husband's family sees it as their duty or something to impress upon us that we will 'never be rich' if we have very many children.

When they say this, I want to ask 'by whose standards'?

The Bible says that it is a blessing to have many children - and doesn't it say somewhere that a rich man doesn't sleep well? I would rather have God's type of 'blessing' than the World's type of blessing. Material things cannot satisfy.

(Even a furry 'child' [note: I detest that term, my son is SO much more valuable than a dog!! I said something about my son being my firstborn the other day and my MIL started calling their mini-dog their youngest-born. I asked my dh if I could sarcastically call the dog "Uncle Dexter" as his is appearantly dh's youngest brother, but dh warned me that the label might stick. I hadn't thought of that. That would drive me even more crazy!] cannot fill a child-shaped hole, although most of our married friends are traveling that route.)

My son makes me feel far richer than if I had a boat, or a bigger house.

There once was a man who was wont to say "I wouldn't trade one of my children for a millon dollars - imagine how rich I feel with eight of them!"

My family, on the other hand, feels as if my husband is a smashing sucess, so they don't care that I stay home or how many children we have. If he lost his job, that would all change in a hurry!

I think the problem is that sucess & achievement is typically seen on a more worldly level, rather than through eternal eyes.

I was pushed through college in case my future husband was unable to provide, hypothetically, of course. I could never understand where God fit into this picture.

Why can't I trust Him to provide?

I got my degree in Liberal Arts. I'm now fully qualified to ... flip burgers, I think. Or work retail. But my parents are happy and firmly believe if something happened to Jay, somehow this piece of paper from a 2yr college would help me get a better job. LOL

Kelly said...

Anna, I think you're going to have to put the facts that 1. you do have a college degree and 2. you do work and earn money right now. :-) on your sidebar.
I think your mom expected you to get your degree and find a nice high paying job so that you could have all the really expensive things in life. Perhaps she's worried that you will be dependent on your husband. I don't know.
My advice is remind her that you have your degree to "fall back on" and you can always go to work (outside the home) if needed. Remind her that trips to Europe a big house are all a matter of taste and what you want out of life. You could work and be married and have kids and go to Europe and be very very unhappy.

Would it be possible considering that you are an adult, and working, to say mom I know this is a concern of yours and you've made it clear your point of view but can we agree to disagree? If she's really been appoaching you on this once a week for months you both need a break from the issue.
God Bless,
Kelly

Mrs. Brigham said...

As someone who once had the nice clothes, fun trips, eating out, and all of that, I must say that I am FAR more fulfilled since submitting to God's will for me and becoming a wife & mother. I may not have the "nice things" I once did, but I have something far better- a husband & child, and a cozy home where we can reach out to others and show hospitality. People, not possessions or careers are what matters in life.

I pray that God brings peace to your dear mother's heart, Anna, so she can see the beauty in the wonderful life you are seeking to build for yourself. My mom raised similar concerns in the past, and as frustrating as it was, she was doing it out of love. Mothers have a tough job that is often full of worry, and they really need God's love and peace to get through! I am sure as time goes on your mother will be blessed as my mother has. She will get to see God's plan for you in action and will be blessed by the fruits that will come from it. :o)

A little off-topic, but I just had to tell you that I made some éclairs yesterday! They were a delicious little treat. I was going to surprise Sean when he came home, but he arrived home early while I was still mixing up the dough. :P

Mia said...

Anna,
Although I'm sure your mother only longs for your happiness, I am so glad that you have the courage of your convictions...Being a wife and mother really is the highest ambition. I also used to be a feminist, and believe that a woman must be "ambitious" and independent, but oh, how misguided I was. I am happier now than I ever could have imagined, caring for my husband and daughter and home, as God planned for me.
You are very fortunate to have learned that it is the highest calling while you are still young...it took me a lot longer.
Good for you.

Mrs. Opper said...

Dear Anna,

I've enjoyed reading your blog for several days now, and wanted to encourage and congratulate you in your conviction to be a capable, loving helpmeet one day.

Like you, my mother was "worried" about my "low ambitions" to be a wife and mother...and really, nothing more. From the time I was a child, that was all I wanted out of life--my own family.

My mother was divorced from my father, and ran a home daycare for several years. She despised it and felt it was a horrible burden and very demeaning.

I remember quite distinctly when she was a bit angry after one of our conversations, not unlike yours with your Mother. She raised her voice and said while changing a baby's diaper, "Is this what you want?! To change poopy diapers all day long? Don't you want more than this!?"

And I had to be honest...no, I did not want more. At least not by way of a career. (She had her heart set on my becoming a doctor, my sister on becoming a lawyer.)

Since that conversation I've grown up, gotten married, have 3 children whom are homeschooled, run my own home daycare, run the Children's ministry of our church alongside my husband, and most recently, began working part-time in the evenings at a children's clothing store.

Take heart, sweet one...your Mother may very well change her mind about you, just as mine did, when she sees how truly happy you are with your own family to care for.

My Mother now says she wishes she'd enjoyed her time with us far more instead of bemoaning it, longing for a "real" career. She has one now, and wants desperately to go back home. (Surprise...--Grins)

I just wanted to share my story with you in the hope that it brightened your day just a bit.

Take care,
Mrs. Denise Opper

Rebekah S. said...

You go, girl!!! Don't let anything ever stop you from obeying the Lord and His design for women and their roles. You are an amazing encouragement to me! You just have no idea what a blessing you are! I am so blessed to have a mother who wholeheartedly agrees with me on all of these areas and is living them out as well, but my grandmother is exactly like your mom in a lot of ways! My grandmother believes that we aer all to be independent careerwomen. When my grandmother gets wind of the fact that I'm not going to college, will be a homemaker and helpmeet, am committed to courtship, etc. etc., she will not only think I've lost my mind completely, but she will also be very disappointed, unproud, and infuriated. So, your strength in these areas is SUCH a blessing and encouragement and strength to me!!! Thank you so much for this truly wonderful post!

Many blessings to you,
Rebekah

The Chatty Housewife- said...

If only more of the feminine world thought like you! You are an encouragement.

Ana said...

Anna~
I can relate to you in wanting nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom and wife! What joy and glorious life it will be if the Lord wills. Although I cannot say my mother tells me the same things as your mother (for my mother happily and readily embraces my desire for being a homemaker, as she is). As I read your post I couldn't help but smile to myself. You mentioned taking pleasure in the little things of home life such as "hanging out the laundry, making a pie or knitting," I too so love to do the little every day things in life that make up your every day house chores! :) Keep on praying and becoming who God has called and commanded you to be! He will bless you for it!

Candy said...

HI lovely Anna,
Hope your having a lovely day :)
This is a excellent post, very interesting read.
Regarding your mom, she will understand one day and she will then see there was nothing to worry about, that you'll be fine :)
I can tell that you love your mom alot and that you have a great relationship. Im positive she will understand one day :)

Hugs to you,
Candy :)

Rebekah S. said...

Buffy,

You're completely right! The Scriptures command us to honor and obey our parents. They also command us to submit to our husbands and be obedient to them. However, it is clear in Scripture that our first and foremost obedience is to be to our Lord and Savior. So, if our parents and/or husband ever tell us to do something that is sinful and unBiblical, then we are in times such as these, to obey the Lord, rather than our parents or husband. Acts 5:29 says, "But Peter and the other apostles answered and said:'We ought to obey God rather than men.'". The commandments of obeying our husbands and parents still stand, but we are to obey them only as long as their orders are agreeing with Scripture. If they are not, and if their orders would cause us to commit sin, then we are to obey God and not our parents and husbands.

I hope that helped you! :)

Blessings,
Rebekah


Katy-Anne,

Wow!! What a blessing to FINALLY find another lady who completely agrees with me and sees things the way I do! :) So many women today say things like, "Yes, Scripture may say to be a homemaker, but what about if that homemaker's husband dies, etc. and then she is unable to provide for herself." The Bible addresses that situation as well! But the Word is SO clear that woman's place is to be in the home. PERIOD! And this is for the woman's good and wellbeing. This is a blessing! Home is not a place to be as a cage for women, but is rather a place that God lovingly ordained, where a woman can find her true, Biblical strength.

God bless you!!

Lean Not said...

Anna,

I hope that this comes out right; I say this because I know that you have a tender heart for God and are open to what He has.

I think you know for sure that I definitely agree with your ambitions 100%. I also firmly believe that your plans are what God has as His best plan for women.

However, God also has quite a bit to say about honoring your parents. The verses about obeying and honoring your parents do not say anything about whether or not you agree with them. In fact, if we only honored and obeyed our parents when we agreed with them, then what would be the purpose of being told to do it? Of course we obey when we agree, because the advice goes along with what we wanted to do anyway.

Your mother obviously feels very strongly about what she thinks is best for you. If the two of you have been discussing this issue as frequently as you say you are, then you apparently are not doing much to appease her in this area. If you plan to submit to your husband, you MUST learn to submit to your authority that you have right now, and that is your mother. You are not married yet; she is still your authority. What will you do someday if your husband asks you to do something that you do not feel is wise? You may think, “Oh, that’s different,” but it isn’t. He will be responsible for how he leads you, just as your mother is responsible for how she leads you right now.

Hebrews 13:17 says, "Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you."

It seems that you are causing your mother quite a bit of grief. Be careful not to do that! The Bible clearly says that this is unprofitable for you.

Maybe you do not agree with what your mother wants you to do. Maybe you do not agree with the reasons that she wants you to do it. But if you take God at His Word, then you must search your heart and find some willingness to submit to her. God will bless you for your willing heart. Ephesians 6:2,3 says that if you honor your mother, it will be well with you.

Even though you think that your mother is wrong, she is the authority that God has divinely placed in your life. Since God has given you this authority, and He has commanded you to submit to her, how could it be anything but God's clear will that you must do what she says.

She is responsible to God for how she guides you. You are responsible to God for how you submit to her.

I suggest that you swallow your feelings of being right and begin following her instructions. You are not going to be a worse wife if you forego knitting a few evenings in favor of taking some classes. In fact, you will be a better wife for it because God will reward your obedience and self-sacrifice. Besides, doing something like taking some more classes does NOT mean that you have to give up your feminine activities altogether. It would just show a willingness to take some of that time and spend it pleasing your mother.

If your mother is bothered by your activities at home, then you are not serving her as much as you feel that you are. It is not up to the servant to decide what his master needs. If you truly want to be a dutiful daughter, you will do what she has told you over and over again to do. Wouldn't you do that for your husband? Surely you will not make your husband ask you to do something every week for months, and still refuse to do it!

Be careful that you do not become so zealous to obey God in one area that you end up disobeying Him in another area. I realize that there is a wonderful, blessed community of ladies in blogland that encourage you to pursue your dream of being a housewife. I wholeheartedly agree with your desire and share it myself. But do not let our influence toward this wonderful activity take you away from what God has clearly commanded you to do. God has not said, "Thou shalt spend your time doing feminine things like knitting and baking pies." God HAS said that you must submit to your mother.

Surely, your fiancé would rather have you practice submission than practice cooking. A submissive, willing wife is better than a wife with slightly better cooking and sewing skills.

Just my two cents, but they are based on what God's Word says. Feel free to not publish this long comment if you don't wish to; but I pray that you will consider it. Maybe all your mother needs to see is a willing heart. Have faith that God can do above what you might ask or think!

Mrs.B said...

Anna,

I'm sure it is so frustrating and discouraging to keep having to have the same conversation over and over. Plus I think it's hard knowing that she doesn't totally approve of your beliefs and choices. It's one thing when a stranger feels that way but when it's someone you love and care about it's even harder.

Don't let it get you down though and keep doing a good job keeping your strong beliefs while balancing honoring your mother. It's a fine line but one you seem to do well at. (o:

Blessings,
~Mrs.B

Gothelittle Rose said...

Does anyone else think that society's tendencies to encourage husbands and wives to not be beholden to each other in case one of you splits may be contributing to said 'splittage'?

My grandmother encourages me, though time, to maintain my degree and seek out the extra coursework that would allow me, if needed, to become a fulltime college professor. Why? She says that men don't live forever and it's best to be prepared. I can see why she'd worry. The women in my family are long-lived, dying somewhere between 93 and 97.

So basically, she isn't concerned with me the 30-year-old homeschooling mother so much as me the 45-year-old empty-nester. And in this day and age, when women often live twice their child-raising years or more, I can see her point. At any rate, it's not a bad thing for a woman to be able to make her way should she need to in this fallen world.

Just throwing in yet another perspective and thought. ^.^

Anonymous said...

Darling, we're women and at the moment society for some reason just won't let us win. If your heart is pulling you into the home, you apparently lack ambition, dreams and intelligence. If your passion is for your work, you're apparently materialistic, selfish and cold. Your heart is in the home, mine is in acedemia, but both of us share the experience of ridiculous stigmas that come with our choices. My advice: don't listen to them, stay true to your heart. In my experience, a mother's love runs deep, she'll come around when she sees what makes you happiest.
All the best.

tales_from_the_crib said...

hmm...my gramma often comments to my mom on how "bored" she must be all the time and how she's "wasting her BS in Biology" by staying at home raising me and taking care of the home...but i like it a lot, and so does my dad! on behalf of your future kids (and i'd bet your future husband'll agree) i say stick with it! you may not be much understood by the world, but no one who follows God's plan for them ever is truly understood by others...
all for now! I need a nap.

Bethanie said...

Your mom and my mom should get together. They'd have a blast comparing stories of their strange domesticed daughters.

Karen said...

I kinda know how you feel. I never was (or wanted to be) a stay at home daughter, but my whole family didn't understand about me wanting to be "just a mom" at first. My dad even said the worst thing that could happen to me would be to "waste" my college years and get married before I graduated (which I did hehe). But after they've seen pictures of my gorgeous lil daughters they can see why I wouldn't want to leave them!

Jordin said...

I went through the exact same thing with my own mother--not too many months ago! (You probably remember.)

But here's some hope for you: once I married and my mom saw how happy I was--she was okay with it. Now, she asks me to bake her a loaf of bread once in a while, or she'll ask if I have time to do a bit of ironing for her in my home. I think my mom is even a bit envious of my lifestyle--because she's still running children to every activity under the sun! ;) I think she understands now why I chose to stay at home.

I hope you and your mother will be able to come to terms with one another, just like my mom and I did. It's really a blessing!

Anna S said...

Thank you for all your comments, dear ladies. I appreciate them more than words could tell - and especially those dear ones who took the time to email me and encourage me. (((Hugs))) to each and every one of you!

Now, I'd like to address the issue of submitting to my mother's authority - yes, I'm well aware of it; I'd rather let my knitting needles gather rust and have peace in our family, than have it the other way around. However, I believe a compromise can be reached. We've been working on it these past few months, and hopefully I can give you more detailed updates soon. :)

PS: Mrs. Brigham - I'm glad your eclairs were a success! ;)

Anna S said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AnnabelleLee said...

Dear Anna,
Your blog has been such a blessing to me!! I always enjoy coming and reading what you have to say... I thank the Lord for letting me find a 'kindred spirit', and on line of all places :)! My mom, who has *single handedly* and by the grace of God raised me and my three younger brothers (without working an outside job), homeschooling us with thrift store textbooks and daily exhorting us over homegrown dinners to trust in the Lord absolutely and follow His word with no reservations, is very supportive of my desire to be a keeper at home, especially after marriage. My cup runneth over in that regard. As for outside encouragement... there has been none. I have had people tell me that I was crazy, destined to end up with 'no way out' of an abusive marriage, alone with four little babies and no one to provide for them, myself with no education and therefore no way to earn a decent living... just as my mom found herself ten years ago. And yet, I know for a fact that where our resources fail, the Lord's excell! The Lord has used my Mom to raise four vibrant children who are not afraid to whole-heartedly trust in Him no matter what may follow - we have seen the proving ground and know that He is faithful to provide! He is good to those who seek Him and obey His word. This is my hope for the future! Lam. 3:19-27 The natural man discerns not the spiritual things of this life, doesn't measure gain by the same scale, doesn't create priorities with the same end in mind. It must be the Lord which lights that fire in the heart of a young woman to desire His will for her life and then instructs her on how to go about it because there isn't a single voice in society which would lead you towards the right. After the divorce, all the *well meaning* voices told Mom that she would have to put us all in daycare, get a job.. on and on, but, the Lord stepped in, Mom became a Christian and started to trust Him. She started homeschooling and the Lord provided. He provided us with jobs that we could all do together that would supply us with a little money.. and a little money was enough!
Just recently, our family decided to plan a move across the Great Divide to find some land far away from *most* people. It means, quite literally, selling all and camping our way out with pick-up trucks. I am excited beyond belief. We are hoping to become self-sufficient farmers in the West! To help fund this little adventure, I have (after careful prayer) started working as a housekeeper at a home for people with MR/DD in a neighboring town. Because I am unmarried and it will only be for a short time, I feel that it is permissible. The experience has served to deepen the realization that I am a stranger here, not only by looks (long dresses, long hair and headcovering) but by hopes and *ambitions* - by life! I work with some very sweet elderly women, and some not-so sweet,not-so-elderly women who are very quick to condemn my convictions. "You won't ever find any one to marry! Who would want to live like that?" "Yes, yes, you should trust the Lord... it sounds wonderful... but you know, God helps those who help themselves, you can't expect that everything will go just peachy and you can stay at home all the time!" "You wait till you have kids.. you'll be back to work..." "Why ever do you want to go and waste your life like that, you think that GOd is pleased by your wanting to hide out at home?" On and on their arguments go, and usually I let them roll off with a smile and say, "Well, I'm trusting the Lord." Last night however, I came home and had to cry to my mom for a while, wondering for just an hour or so if I really am the crazy one.. I am expecting good and yet everything around is so thick with darkness. What a relief the LOrd is - what a sweet assurance! What a comfort and a light when we are unsure! I am so glad to be able to talk to Mom, and read your blog, and of course, read the Word and be encouraged.
Well, I guess I've talked enough :).. I only want to encourage you and your young man to never become dismayed in the way, to keep your eyes straight on and trust in the Lord, knowing that He is the rewarder of those who seek Him. Thank you for being an encouragement to me. With much love and warm prayers, Ann (age 18)

Word Warrior said...

Anna,

I do so admire your tenacity and "ambition" to fulfill God's highest calling for a woman. You are far beyond your years in wisdom...be encouraged. Yes, it is likely you will continue hear such concerns for the rest of your life.

But take heart, and know that the seeds you plant may take years to bloom into the beautiful fruit that others can see. And even if others never "get it", it is our Heavenly Father who will ultimately reward our obedience!

Anna S said...

Ann - thank you *so* much for sharing your story and your sweet encouragement. I loved hearing from you, and wish you *much* success!

Wendy WaterBirde said...

Hi Anna,

Ive not been online as much lately, late seeing this. For what its worth heres my two cents worth: That God's authority trumps any earthly authority and He plants the deeper desires in our hearts...like a womans desire to keep at home...for a real reason, to guide us. Lady Lydia has said on her blog that if her husband wanted her to stop being a homemaker she would NOT obey him there, becuase she knows deep down it is what she must do. Natalie on her former blog Plain and Simple said the same thing pretty much, she knows she is meant to be at home right now and so she in fact actually turned in her resignation to her job and never looked back...without even asking her husband first, she was that convicted in this. And honestly i'd have to agree with them both there.

I see it this way: when someone above you asks you to do something like lie or steal, deep down you just KNOW this is wrong. Well i think when many women "wake up" they realize with that very same "deep down-ness" that they are meant to keep at home. I do think things of this depth are outside of earthly authority. Anyway, just some thoughts.

I had this same conversation with my mother too btw, several years ago, though in a different way. I lived away from home and was on the phone telling her i was not going to go any further in graduate school. She was very upset, to say the least, and i felt bad about that. But i have to honestly say that if i had it to do over i'd still do the same thing. I just had to stop the mega-academicness and become more grounded and home based. I was still working at the time, financially i had no choice then, but it as "homey" as i could make it (i turned to nannywork at the time). I never regretted that choice of following the deeper conviction and dropping my "ambition", the academic world was killing me and i was getting further and further from the woman i really was deep down. Having your own pressure for "ambition", as your Mother suggests, it may be something that would be just as harmful to you it sounds (only you know of course).

Anyway, personally i feel this sort of thing this is simply not a compromise area, becuase some convictions are just too deep to mess with... even when we long not to upset those we love.

Well, Peaceful Week : ) Wendy

College Gal said...

Hey Anna! I think its wonderful that your ambition is to be a housewife, lifelong parterner, everything like that. More power to you. I also think, that your old enough to be making these decisions. Your very mature and following God's plan for your life. What a blessing. Keep it up!God bless you greatly!

Stam House said...

Amen! your have your pririority right!!!!

Your flowing God plan for you, But I totaly understand how you feel my mom is the same I taught that after I would get married and have babies she will stop, but no! She still is nagging me abou having no job no $ and no security!

I pray for my mom's salavation every day!!!!

Thanks for this one!

Ps this is a reader of mine who posted on her blog http://keithandstacey.blogspot.com/

about the post you were a guest writter on mine here is her comment about it!!!

"Yesterday I was doing my daily 'blog run', and I was so encouraged to read a bit of Anna's story on Renee's blog. So, I clicked on the link and went to check out her blog. This woman has totally got her head on straight! How awesome to find someone who is willing to be a homemaker and is diligently seeking to learn as much as she can about it before she gets married! Anyway, from there I checked out the blog of one of her commenters, where I found this little homemaking ABC survey. Enjoy!"

God bless

Michelle said...

People, including my parents, always throw the "you need to have a backup" argument at me all the time. I just laugh - feeling joy in the assurance that God will take care of me and bless us for my wanting to honor Him through my role as a housewife.

Mimi said...

Anna,
I'm sure your mother just want security for you... when you become a parent you find that you continue to be concerned about your children (no matter how old they get)
once you are married and she sees that you are indeed taken care of by your husband... she will no longer be concerned about your working.. and believe me when those grand children come along she will absolutely want you to be at home with them...
so just give her time and understanding...all she wants is to know that you are secure and your needs are being taken care of!!

Anna S said...

Renee - I'm so glad people found interest in my story; thank you, again, for featuring it on your blog!

Karen said...

Okay just reading some of your comments and there is something I don't understand. How/why is your mom an "authority" over you? Yes the Bible says you should honor her, but unless I'm mistaken, just because you live with her right now does not say you should submit to her or that she is to rule you. You aren't a child anymore. It says that about your husband, that he is to rule over you, and since you are already engaged (which the Bible takes very seriously) it is more important what your fiance wants right now. It would be different if you were a child or completely dependant upon her, but you are not. I'm not saying don't try to live at peace with your mom or undermining that you should do your best to please her so much as it depends on your good behavior, but God and your fiance are the authorities on your life, now? No?

Anna S said...

Karen,

I believe that until a woman marries, she is under the authority of her father, adult or not. Since I don't have an earthly father, this puts me in an in-between situation, since I'm not married yet; so, I try to do my best, honoring my mother and trying to be considerate towards her, as well as my fiance's wishes.

Lean Not said...

Karen,

The Bible says, "Children, obey your parents." How could anyone take that to mean anything but that we should submit to our parents?? The Bible is very clear that our parents are our authorities, and not just our fathers. Mothers are parents, too. :)

Ewokgirl said...

It's difficult to be an adult, and yet still a child. As long as our parents are living, we'll be their children, so it still hurts us when we make decisions that disappoint them.

I have experience with this myself. I used to be an English teacher, but one year into marriage, I became a SAHW. My parents were not happy about that. I know that my father saw that as my throwing away my expensive, private-university education. I grew up wealthy, but my husband does not make the kind of money my father has, and I think that bothered my dad a bit. If I were working, we'd be more financially secure, etc.

It really distressed me in the beginning because it hurts me deeply to feel like I've disappointed my parents. However, I'm an adult now, and as such, I have to make decisions that work for my family. What really frustrated me, though, was that my parents were thrilled for my sister to be a SAHM. Having children made her choice to stay home legitimate. Without children, though, I'm just playing house, I guess.

On the flip side, I'm very grateful that I have a college degree and solid work experience under my belt. There are no guarantees in life, and should something happen to my husband, I'd need to go back to work. And I'm okay with that. Because my husband has kidney disease, we've had a nightmare of a time finding life insurance for him, so my ability to work in the future, should it be necessary, is that much more important.

I guess I'm telling you all this because I think it's great that you have a goal in mind for your future, even if it's not what your mother hopes for you. But I also think it's wonderful that you are equipped to take care of yourself should things not work out as you hope. Really, I think you have the best of both worlds.

Mom-E said...

Have you considered that perhaps your mother does have a point? Not to put off your ambitions of being a helpmeet and mother- but to have a career to fall back on should need arise? Have you and your intended discussed what you would do if he were to pass, or become disabled and be unable to work to support you and your family?

I don't mean to suggest that you *haven't* done this- only that- IF you haven't- I think that every woman *needs* to. Part of protecting, caring for and raising a family is making sure they are provided for. And while I understand and respect that in your view that is the husbands responsibility- the unfortunate fact is that sometimes circumstances arise that prevent that from being a reality. So IF you haven't- DO talk to your fiance about what you can do to protect yourselves in those unfortunate events (while, of course, hoping and praying you never have to enact those plans)

Mom-E said...

... I don't understand people who say that a woman isn't going to use her college education/degree merely because she chooses to put a career on hold for awhile during the years when her children are young/in the home. One can obtain a degree, get married, have children, raise them, polish up a few bits (educationally speaking) and then enter (or return to) the workforce.

The important point is that one has a plan and has considered the options and the realities.

I *do* think it's important to have a plan as a backup though- not assuming that a spouse will leave or fail to uphold his responsibilities- only that sometimes unforseen things happen (death, disability) that prevent them from doing so. A woman without a plan in that situation is in a very bad position, and puts her children into that bad position with her.

IMO having a backup is like the story of the flood and the man on the roof- God sends a raft, a boat and a helicopter and the guy says "No thanks- God will provide" and the guy ends up drowning and asking God 'Why didn't you save me'- to which God replies- 'What? I sent a raft, a boat and a helicopter! What more do you want?!' ;)

Anna S said...

Mom-E,

I do have a degree, but I'm not sure how applicable it will be after many years of not using it in the work force. I have faith, though. God has provided for us wonderfully all my life, and I trust that He will continue to do so. If at some point of my life I will need to earn money to feed and clothe my children, I will, though the main part of our current financial plan goes to savings, insurance programs and investment funds which, with careful planning, should be able to provide for us if anything happens, requiring only a small income supplementation, or none at all if all goes well.

Anna S said...

A small clarification: I don't simply intend to put my career on hold for a short time while the children are young. One, because we currently have no reason to think we will be prevented from having many children (God has His plans of course, I'm just saying we currently don't know of any health problems). Thus, as we hope, the period of being a mother to young children will be somewhat extended for me. Two, I don't plan to have a career outside the home even if we only have one or two children, or none at all. My husband and home will be my career, which I don't have the slightest inclination to abandon as soon as the children are old enough to be sent to school.

Mom-E said...

Anna, I'm curious- since I had you in mind today after I popped by earlier ;) - do you intend to homeschool? We're considering it and I was just curious as to whether it was something you and your intended were thinking about when that time comes. :) I really encourage it if you haven't considered it- both educationally and for anyone concerned about the ethical/socialist dogma, 'theologically' as well. (Yes- I may be Pagan, but I'm not thrilled with the turn public schools have taken along that road...)

Anywho- just curious! :)

Anna S said...

Homeschooling is uncommon here, but yes, we're considering it. Either homeschooling or a good religious school which will be closely supervised by me. Certainly not public school. Not after my own experience.

Ben Curell said...

WOOOO HOOOO FOR YOU!!!

I am so glad to hear there are other young ladies taking a stand for being a wife and mother. It truely is the most noble and rewarding path in a woman's life. (as long as she is not called to singleness, of course.)

Stay strong against the comments and criticizm from others. It is definitely hardest with our own family members (just yesterday some of my Christian cousins were completely scandalized that I have already had to spank my son), but we are called to be salt and light in this world and that even includes our Christian family members. God's Word never returns void, and He will reward us for being faithful to it in word and in our actions. Praying for you and your mom today.

-Kyla Curell

Anonymous said...

Not sure if this was already mentioned, as there are 76 comments here, but here goes. Having a large income is more important to some people than it is to others. I think that that's ok. Some folks can't imagine their future without "trips abroad", etc. Others see themselves living a simpler life. Much depends upon what kind of lifestyle a young lady has been raised with. It used to be many years ago that if a young woman was accustomed to luxurious living, she would marry a wealthy man. I don't see anything wrong with this, as long as that's not the only reason she is choosing him. Wealth and financial security used to be quite a factor in the making of a "real man". I just wanted to point out that this is a valid option and not one to be ashamed of. Not to say that choosing a poor man for a husband is wrong, either, as long as he is poor for the right reasons (the Lord has led him to that place, not from his own laziness.) Keep in mind that I am coming from the perspective that there is no "right one" destined for each of us but that the Lord will bless a marriage if it is committed to Him. Of course, there are bad choices, good choices and excellent choices, but I do feel they are CHOICES, not destiny. This also leaves room for one to re-marry if she were to lose her husband, look at Elizabeth Elliot! You are able-bodied and bright which is more than enough to make a decent income if your tastes are modest and circumstances call for it. Don't beleive the lie that you need a career plan. Just follow where the Lord leads.

Blessings,
Bethany

Lina said...

This is exactly what I have to hear every week from my father! I've even been called lazy for not wanting to pursue a degree or work outside the home. It's frustrating, but I put my trust in God and I know that He will provide. It's not for me to go out and "secure my future in case something happens." I only hope the struggle with my parents not understanding will end soon.

Thanks for your words.

A devoted fan,
Lina