This is a question that was recently brought up by a reader, and I'm so glad to have the opportunity to talk about it; I'll try to share whatever humble experience and insight I might offer as someone who isn't married yet, but who is preparing for – God willing – marriage and motherhood as a full-time, lifetime vocation.
I'll begin by saying that I don't believe there's a formula of, "do this and get a good husband". I know a number of wonderful, excellent women who were never married, or married later in life. Ultimately, everything is in His hands, under His rule of everlasting kindness, wisdom and love. However, I firmly believe we aren't supposed to just let things be. I'm convinced that motivation, commitment and a decent measure of good old common sense can bring us further down the road of preparing for marriage.
I believe that IN ORDER TO FIND THE RIGHT MAN, YOU NEED TO BECOME THE RIGHT WOMAN. What you say and do, how you live your life, the convictions you demonstrate, and quite simply, the person you are, will influence the men you attract. A key principle here is examining yourself and your current way of life, comparing it to how you would like to see your married life. Don't hold back, don't postpone. Live your life to the fullest now, do what you love and what is important to you – don't wait for marriage to become the wife you want to be. It takes more than a day or two, so better start now.
What do I mean? Well, for example, if your vision of marriage and family is being a full-time homemaker and mother of many children, and living a peaceful, simple life, it would make sense to start living out this dream. Focus on your home, your parents or other people in your life who need you, who can offer you the precious opportunity to love and serve. Learn the arts of homemaking. Cultivate a soft, gentle, loving, feminine spirit. Be open to children and love children; whenever a woman you know announces her pregnancy receive the news with joy, as a cause for celebration.
See, that's precisely why I have a problem with an attitude expressed so often: "I know I want to focus on marriage, children and home once I find the right man; however, I'm not married now, so why don't I spend the next 10 years getting a PhD in marine biology?" - I see two main problems with this type of thinking. One is that a young woman might get so caught up in a time-consuming career that she loses her initial focus, and delays marriage and motherhood longer and longer, sometimes even unconsciously, because she doesn't have enough time to stop and really think about it. Then later there's also the thought of, "well, I spent 10 years studying for this PhD, am I supposed to throw it all away now?"
And if she stays true to her vision and becomes the happy bride of a good, godly man, she might discover how difficult it is to switch gears instantly. In her single years, she didn't think too much about wifehood, about focusing on her husband's needs, about making her home a haven. Think I'm being too dramatic? I wish you had seen the number of emails I got from young women who tell me, "I got married without knowing anything about marriage or homemaking, and now I feel like this ship is about to sink!"
To sum it up: work on preparing to become a wife to the man of your dreams. Be the right woman and increase your chances to attract the right man. Of course, I will greatly appreciate the input of married ladies on this issue – I enjoy learning from you!