Almost all of my unmarried friends say they want to start a family someday. I notice that when we discuss our future families, what immediately comes up is children. 'Of course I want to have a family! We all want to have children someday, don't we?'… 'Oh, I want the best for my children!' – so, is there something wrong with planning to have children? Of course not! Children are a wonderful, beautiful gift from God. It's all fine and well, as long as we remember one important thing: the pillar a family stands on isn't children. It's marriage.
Women were created to be helpmeets first, mothers later. Some families have no children at all, but strong, thriving marriages keep them together. On the other hand, children can't sustain a malfunctioning family or a marriage that is falling apart. I understand that as an unmarried woman with no children yet, I need to carefully weigh my opinion, but I don't think it's good for children to feel that family life revolves completely around them, either.
Another thing is that sacrificing for our children is still somehow tolerated, even by feminists. Or at least it's harder to contradict. A woman who puts her children ahead of herself is influencing the entire future generation! So putting your career on hold because you have small children is seen as an annoying, but justifiable sacrifice. But a woman who does the same for her husband causes puzzlement. Why on earth is she doing this, poor stupid little thing?
I feel this especially strongly when I talk about my wish to focus on my home and husband when I become a wife. Yes, a wife and not a mother. 'But won't you have plenty of time for yourself before you have children?' I'm asked. I love children and hope very much to become a mother, but my duty will be first and foremost to my husband. This will remain true even if I'm never blessed with the gift of motherhood.
In a godly, strong marriage, both husband and wife love God and each other. They have a strong desire to serve God and each other in their God-given roles: husbands as leaders, providers and protectors of their families, women as helpmeets and keepers of the home. This is an incredibly beautiful, harmonious design. A bit later, most families are blessed with the joy of children. This, too, is a wonderful, beautiful gift! Each child is a treasure God entrusts us with, a treasure we are to keep, guard and cherish. But marriage comes first. I believe it should always come first.