Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The sins of our feminist mothers

A reader sent me a link to this interesting article .

Women of our generation often experience militant feminist influences not only from the outside, but from women who are supposed to be our closest, most trustworthy mentors:

"As we worked our way through high school and university in the '70s and early '80s, girls like me listened to our mothers, our trailblazing feminist teachers, and the outspoken women who demanded a better deal for all women. They paved the way for us to have rich careers."

While women are young, leading interesting lives with challenging careers, they often brush off the call to home, family and children:

"How dare he - a rich father of two, with perfect wife and perfect life - presume for a moment to tell women, thriving at the peak of our careers, that we should stop, marry, and procreate. The sheer audacity of it."

But what happens to the have-it-all myth after a few years?

"We are the ones, now in our late 30s and early 40s, who are suddenly sitting before a sheepish doctor listening to the words: 'Well, I'm sorry, but you may have left your run too late. Women at your age find it very difficult to get pregnant naturally, and unfortunately the success rate of IVF for a 39-year-old is around one in five - and dropping. In another 12 months you'll only have a 6 per cent chance of having a baby. So given all the effort and expense, do you really want to go through with this? Why don't you go home and think it through? But don't leave it too long - your clock is ticking.' Then he adds for comic value, 'And don't forget, the battery is running low!'"

"The end result: here we are, supposedly "having it all" as we edge 40; excellent education; good qualifications; great jobs; fast-moving careers; good incomes; and many of us own the trendy little inner-city pad we live in. It's a nice caffe-latte kind of life, really."

The price, the terrible price of knowing how cruelly we have been misled, is devastating:

"I am childless and I am angry. Angry that I was so foolish to take the word of my feminist mothers as gospel. Angry that I was daft enough to believe female fulfillment came with a leather briefcase."

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is hard to think of the bitterness & disappointment women who find themselves "up against the clock" must feel....having it all looks pretty empty then. A good, thoughtful post, Anna.

Brenda

Karen said...

I personally know a few women with this exact problem. They were told that "waiting" to have children until they are financially secure and have acheived success in the business world was the savvy, responsible approach. My heart goes out to them.

Haus Frau said...

Painfully true. This is but one of the poisoned morsels feminism has catered.

Susie said...

A very thought provoking post, Anna.

Rebekah S. said...

Amen, Amen, Amen!! :) Thank you for this outstanding post! I only read your post due to time, but I will come back to read the article as soon as I can!

This post is sadly so true. Countless women are lied to in this way and end up all too often with a huge feeling of emptiness, because they followed the world's recipe for fulfillment and completeness rather than God's loving and all-wise recipe. It's really tragic! Mama and I had a discussion on this very topic just a few days ago. Sadly, today, so many women realize once they're in their late 30s or early 40s that they actually do want to have children, and a family, but by then it's almost too late. It's just really sad. If only all women saw the destructiveness of feminism and how detrimental it is, like you do! Thank you again for this great post, that is so needed in our society today!

Praying that you are enjoying a peaceful and productive week, dear Anna!

Blessings,
Rebekah

Terry said...

...And even given this obvious and much publicized truth, women like us who promote Biblical womanhood, motherhood, and godly families are denounced as old-fashioned, dogmatic, and narrow minded. It really makes me wonder if we have lost all common sense as a culture. God made us with peak fertlity in our early to mid-twenties. Social "progress" (if you can call it that) cannot change the biological facts. Children fare best in a healthy marriage-based relationship, making marriage much more than an easily tossed aside accessory. Put this all together and what do you get? The stark reality that what you have been saying here all along is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! Keep writing Anna. You are much needed voice for the young women of this generation.

Millie said...

When I think of the look on my high school algebra teacher's face, when I told her I didn't need algebra because I was going to be a housewife when I grew up...
Ha. What a great memory.

I grew up right in the middle of that "women can have it all" period and it was just expected, even by my mother, that I would choose a career along with having a family, but I'd known since I was small that I would be staying home with my children.

I'm so glad I listened to that voice. I feel so sorry for these women.

Coffee Catholic said...

I am one of those 30~something women that grew up in the 80's and 90's listening to all that Feminist clap trap about how I needed to go to college and get a career and I could "have it all..."

Now here I sit married and struggling on a minute-by-minute basis with age-related infertility while younger married women are popping out loads of beautiful babies all around me.

If folk think infertility is a personal issue think again! Your husband is affected ~ and so is your ENTIRE family as they also wait for you to *finally* be blessed with children.

Having my husband break down sobbing because he desires a baby so badly...and going to the doctors and being gynecologically tortured as we try and figure out why I can't get pregnant is not exactly what I envisioned in my brainwashed Feminist quest to "have it all."

I have been LIED to and seriously BETRAYED and yet...the Femenists are still flapping their jaws and telling women what to do even though it leads to nothing but despair.

Ladies, be careful! That cat and that apartment and your "independence" will not be there to visit you when you are an old and lonely woman in a nursing home...

Sue said...

I was 32 and my husband 30 when we married over 21 years ago. I had a wonderful doctor. The last time I saw her (we were leaving the state and moving 500 miles away) she said, "If you want children, start trying by 35 at the latest."

Coffee Catholic said...

This is TOTALLY off topic but maybe other women would have the same question?

I recently purchased several scarves from Tzunis and I love the modest yet elegant styles that Jewish women use when they wear the scarves.

Would I insult Jewish women by wearing my scarves in the same way even though I am Catholic and not a Jew?

Thanks Anna! And God bless!

Anna S said...

Michelle, Jewish women don't claim to have a monopoly over headscarves. :-) Also, there's no specific "Jewish style". We just dress modestly. So you wear whatever you like, girl. :)

Kristy said...

Wow, this makes me so very, very thankful for the godly mother I have and the Biblical principles she lives out and imparted to my sister and me. Thanks for sharing, Anna.

Kelly said...

Wow! Excellent post. While God didn't bring my hubby into my life until late, I always wanted to marry young. I was blessed to have my little girl at 35 and without any medical intervention at all. Thank God. Whether or not we'll have more is up to God of course.
I have so many friends who married late and starting trying to have children late, by CHOICE. And now they are in such pain. They want children so badly and are going throug so much. The medical procedures and the money. It's just awful. I feel for them. Many of them in my mom support group have mentioned again and again that, looking back now, they did it WRONG. They should have married and had their families first. It's so sad and my heart breaks for them.

Anonymous said...

And the latest news from Australia...

Mother nature is particularly unfair to her daughters and it's about age 32 that many women realise life's great game of musical chairs is cruelly weighted towards guys and there's not many seats left to sit on

---

CAREER women in Sydney are creating a nationwide sperm shortage as they race to have a family before turning 40.

More fatherless children... These selfish women place their WANT for a child over the child's NEED for a father. These women don't understand the importance of a father in a child's life.

MrsFranklin said...

Great post Anna!

I'm 40 this year and I have to say that while I grew up in this era, I wasnt so conditioned into the feminist claptrap. I went into the Army to help finance my education (didnt happen) and I worked outside the home after being married. Non of my jobs held any meaning, not even when I was a cop, compared to what I do now. I'm a homemaker and homeschooler.

My mom, who raised us alone, after her divorce from my father, told me something a few weeks ago that I will always remember.

She told me she was proud of me! Not because of anything I did outside of home, but because of what I do INside my home.

My married dd is expecting her first baby, my first grandchild, in June. She told me she wants to be like me! Her dh told me that he wants HIS wife (my dd) to be like me!!

How cool is that?! I am setting an example and I am blessed to see the fruits right now!

Beautifuly Created said...

I think there has to be a balance somewhere between the extream of establishing your carrer early before you have childern and having no carrer in favor of being a wife and mother. I lean toward the later, however I also do not feel my life will be over at 40, 50, or whatever age my children are grown. Perhaps we can "have it all" we just have it backwards.
Also on the note of fertility problems. I know many women who assume they can put the decision off until 30, my heart breaks when I hear these women and almost ask them, but what if you have problems. I am glad I did not delay having children, with fertility problems and pregnacy loss if I had waited I may never have had a child. I can always start a buisness, go to school, get a job. My years of having babies are dwindiling away.

Apple Cider Mama said...

Thank you for sharing. I am the 23-year-old mother of a 6-month old. Even though my mother who had me (her only child) at 31 was unable to conceive any other children, I remember her encouraging me so strongly to wait at least 5 years into my marriage to have children. She said my husband and I would need the time to ourselves before kids came into the picture. (What???) Well, we got pregnant 10 months into marriage and are thrilled! In our culture of "You can have it all", it seems that someone forgot to mention that...um...no you can't. We have to choose our priorities in this life. Or, even better, let G-d choose them for us.
~Bethany

Liedeke said...

At the risk of overconfidence... I actually feel as if I really do have it all. I don't, of course, but it still seems like that to me. To be honest, sometimes it is like a juggling act going bad, but so far we've managed to keep the most important balls in the air: our relationship and our children. Figuratively speaking, of course (-:.

I am a professed feminist, yet I'm not career oriented. My husband has a vision of his working future that includes a management position, but not necessarily a company car or a corner office or a fat pay check. We both work part time and we both spend day time with our two children. Both our mothers work part time and 'always' have. Both our fathers are retired. In our greater family circle, there are 'only' two divorces. We've been together since I was sixteen and we've had some ups and downs together. Our kids are healthy and sweet and smart - if not easy :-). We did and do practice contraception, but we knew the risks of 'putting off' our family life.

Perhaps these are some reasons that I'm lucky enough to 'have it all'. I don't intend to follow God's rules, but I do try to make informed decisions. As some of you, (thanks Terry, Kelly and the rest!) already mentioned, the facts are there for all of us to see. It seems that especially higher educated women tend to wait on purpose until the last (im)possible moment before 'trying'. It amazes me - how can they be unaware of the probable consequences?

According to last year's Dutch statistics, I'm rather young to have two toddlers. Did you know that these days the 'upper age limit' for teenage pregnancy has been raised to 23? I thought that was hilarious, but of course it's actually just sad...

~Liedeke

Ahuva said...

Ouch. :) I don't feel like I've been lied to... There was never a rush to marry because of feminism, but I always knew I *should* be married and start having kids once I hit 32 or so.

The problem is that I never realized it would take so long to find my intended... I assumed that having a career and a house would make me more "marketable" and that I'd easily find someone when I was ready (which would be in my late 20s). I started looking at around 26. Nearly eight years later, I'm still searching for him-- and time is running out.

I think that most women my age and younger are aware that it becomes much harder to get pregnant after 35. If feminism is guilty of anything, it's guilty of not reminding us that it can take a long time to find a husband.

Betsy said...

Yikes! Housewives don't need algebra?! What else do we, the women who stay home nurturing and educating our children not need to be educated in?

Anonymous said...

Amazing post. So sad but true - that sort of thing is happening to many women - thank God I woke up at 30.

Cristina (Stramenda)

Adlyn said...

How sad! My sisters always tell me to have a career and all that nonsense. If only they would THIS article maybe this would change their minds! Again my hearts go out to these woman. This just goes to show young woman that we should listen to GOD alone on how we can have fulfullment in our lives and not man's because if you don't will just end up getting burn. Tust me I know it all too well.

xoxoxoxo,
Adlyn

SoarerGT said...

As a dedicated career man, I have to laugh (in ironic, empathetic sorrow) at the hordes of feminism-"empowered" women who want to have my life, who turn their backs on their natural feminine nature, and get married to their jobs.

I'm an educated, gainfully employed, white collar guy making his merry way up the executive ladder. I had a recent experience though - one which made me question my commitment to the rat race.

I won't say much more about it, but my point is that many successful guys eventually wake up to the fact that there is more to life than money.

Even the great Kenny Chesney has felt the desire to settle down:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kennychesney/wifeandkids.html

While a good career can be rewarding, you'll soon find that the money isn't nearly as important as the people you hold dear.
You'll eventually realize that you don't want to miss out on having children and a significant other in your life.

Unfortunately for women, they don't have that window of opportunity for procreation that we men get.

If you want join me in wage slave wonderland, go ahead, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Be careful what you wish for, ladies.

Sammybunny said...

wow...what a good post and SO true in this day and age...

Karen said...

I just want to mention: I read the article link and if any of you have not yet done so, I strongly encourage it as it really is a thought-provoking testimony. Not only because of her fertility issues, but because of her relationships. I was blown away when she said that a marriage needs time for nurturing too, this is strong insight in a society that thinks childless housewives are a useless comodity, and especially coming from someone who has unfortunately lived out the other side.

Rebekah S. said...

Soarergt,

Thank you, thank you!! Your testimony was such a blessing. So many women who are blinded by feminism think that a man's life as a wageslave in the workforce is dreamland, and is something to envy and work towards. Thank you for your eye-opening testimony. If only more women realized the truth of your words!

Blessings,
Rebekah

laariii said...

The author of that article also wrote a book "Superwoman the Myth of having it all."

Jennifer K said...

I find it very interesting when the media has articles written by women who don't have children, the articles are usually so bitter and angry at feminism. Yet, articles by women who do not have children (whether by choice or by change), and are perfectly happy and just get on with their lives are hardly published. Hmm, I guess the media isn't liberal after all.

Laura said...

just a note, but there has been no mention of adoption. I am 27 and I have a hard time imagining myself getting married, but there are lots of children of all ages who need family, even if it is one single parent. Especially in the foster system, many children get pushed around and have never known a stable home.
I like to think that when my life is more stable I would have a place for a child like this in my life.

MarkyMark said...

Folks,

If you violate the laws of Nature & Nature's God, you'll be SORRY. I don't care where, when, or how you do this, the results are always the same; they are always predictable and tragic.

As for my heart going out to these women, sorry, but my credit account of compassion and good will is all but empty. Secondly, God gave us all eyes, ears, and brains, and He did so for a REASON-to separate truth from lies, fact from fiction, etc.; He gave us these tools so we could make CHOICES.

We make a CHOICE to believe or disbelieve an ideology like feminism; we make a CHOICE to act on those beliefs; we make a CHOICE to govern our lives in accordance with those beliefs; finally, we make a CHOICE to tacitly accept the consequences of our choices. These women made choices; now they have to live with the consequences of those choices. God gave them the TOOLS to figure things out; it's THEIR fault that they didn't-end of story.

If you want proof, then simply look at the hostess of this blog. Anna was brought up in the same world we were; she experienced the grasp of feminism, as we all have. She used the eyes, ears, and brains God gave her to figure out that feminism is wrong; it's BS; and that it's not a good way to live. Anna's example provides ample empirical evidence that one can make the right choices. If these career chicks didn't do this, then whose fault is that? No, you cannot blame a man YET AGAIN for your troubles! If anything, blame the person you see in the mirror every day.

I wasn't always like this; I'm normally a compassionate guy. If I find a bug in my apartment, I don't kill it; rather, I trap it beneath a glass, slide a piece of paper beneath it, then release the bug outside. But, after being on the RECEIVING END of women's hatred, scorn, derision, disparagement, mockery, blame, and being criminalized simply for being a man, my compassion for women is all but gone. When Lorena Bobbitt sliced off her husband's penis, you all cheered with glee! You may have long forgotten that you did so, but men haven't. Men haven't forgotten a lot of things.

I'm going to sign off. I saved the link to this piece, and I will be doing a blog post on it shortly. I'll tear it apart, and show it for the BS it is, another woe is me victim piece. Sorry, Darlin' but you made your choices; now suck it up, and live with the CONSEQUENCES! I'm out of here; good night.

MarkyMark