Several days ago, I received the following comment from a reader (who chose to remain anonymous), in response to my post, "Dating disasters vs. the Jewish strategy", and it touched my heart so deeply that I decided to share it with all of you. Here it goes...
"Thank you Anna for this post. Right now, I feel so sad for the decisions that I have made. I chose to remain a virgin until marriage and fell in love with a man who was a new Christian. We married almost a year and a half ago and have a baby boy together who is a few months old.
My marriage has been a disaster. It has been emotionally taxing for me. He is not really a Christian. He smokes, decided he wanted to become a "rapper" and spends every weekend in the club promoting his music. I have seen emails where he flirts with other females and encourages them to call him. He does not want me to be a stay at home mother to our child, preferring instead for him to go to daycare. A woman sent me an email telling me that they have been having an affair for almost a year. But, he vehemently denies it.
I want to get a divorce soooooo bad!!! I wish I had been wiser. I should have married a man who was a strong Christian, with longer evidence of living the Christian life. I had been wise in my relationships up until him. Me being a "silly" woman in the end and marrying this man has made my life miserable, and my parents stressed with worry, because they know that I deserve better, and think that I should leave him.
But, I want our son to grow up with both parents in the home. But, I'm wondering if that's a good enough reason to stay with someone who so obviously does not really love me or want me to be truly happy.
So, I encourage all unmarried ladies to really pray and seek God before deciding to marry someone, talk to your parents, and really know that this man leads a life of integrity. It will save you much heartache later on.
Anna, do you have any thoughts on this? What if things never get better. Do I suffer through it because I made vows? Or free myself from this emotionally destructive relationship? Any thoughts would be welcome."
When I read this, I found myself sitting, typing and deleting, trying to think of something to say to this lady, whose suffering is so obvious. However, as someone who isn't married yet, I found it hard to do. I believe marriage is sacred, and anything can and should be tried in order to save it, unless it becomes truly and irrevocably destructive. But where is the line? In what situations does a God-fearing woman come to the bitter conclusion that divorce is her only option?
Maybe some of you married ladies can offer your insight?