A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with a friend who shared her thoughts about her relationship with her live-in boyfriend. They have been together for several years now, and are in general happy together. And now, my friend confessed, she is feeling pressured because she realizes it is time to make a decision – but she isn't quite sure he is "the perfect one".
She knows she doesn't want their relationship to drag on and on, without progressing towards marriage and family. She doesn't want to split up, either. Yet she hesitates, not knowing what she will do if her boyfriend proposes, terrified of lifetime commitment.
I think that's so terribly wrong with the way relationships "normally" work these days. Of course, I believe that having a physical relationship before you are married is wrong in the first place, but I'm not even talking about this right now.
Everything becomes a routine before a couple even reaches their honeymoon, before a true level of intimacy – the one that can only be found in marriage – is achieved. And then, disappointed, people move on to the next relationship, which proves to be just the same after some time goes by and the fireworks of novelty stop shooting into the air – the same, because there is still no real commitment, no stability and no dedication to a lifetime together.
Another friend asked me today whether I think my chatan is perfect. To which I responded that my very dear, sweet and much loved chatan, of course, has his flaws, just like me and like every other human being. I don't need perfection. I need someone who is good and right for me. Once we are married, it is a match made in heaven and we have a lifetime to develop our relationship and deepen our closeness and oneness.
People are chasing an impossible dream of "perfection", not realizing marriage isn't a ready-to-consume product you get the moment you meet your Prince Charming. True intimacy takes years and lots of hard work to develop. I don't think it depends on just how perfect and flawless your husband is. It's more in what both of you are willing to give.