Those of you who kindly visit me often probably remember that a few months ago, I started a professional training program in clinical nutrition, considering it less money- and time-consuming and more practical than continuing to MSc like my mother suggested at first. Some of you might have been wondering how it's all working out with our wedding plans and moving out and the general pre-wedding state which is a blur of action. So I decided to fill you in.
First, I must tell you that right from the start, it was much more of a strain than I thought it would be. Even before I met my dear chatan, I already saw how the few pleasant and interesting hours in the morning stretched well into the afternoon, forcing me to cut back on translation orders which have always provided a nice source of income. Of course ever since we started planning our wedding and house hunting, I didn't take any more orders.
Even as it was, I found that the best part of my day is occupied, leaving me with very little time to relax, slow down, enjoy the last weeks I have at home with my family, and spend peaceful time with my chatan, rather than rushing from errand to errand. Of course, when I started working here in the hospital, I had no idea that very soon I will meet my beloved and start planning my life together with him. Otherwise there's no way I would have decided to conform to this madness of rush! But as it is, since I'm already here, I figured I might as well finish the training program rather than just drop it and walk away.
I seriously started doubting the wisdom of this decision after the interview with my supervisors last week. Here's just a short summary of what I was told:
"We feel we don't have your full concentration. You aren't motivated enough. You aren't ambitious enough. You don't do enough study and research on your own. We don't see initiative on your part. You made a very promising impression at first, but now we believe you are neglecting your work!"
You think it escaped their attention that my wedding is scheduled approximately in three weeks? Not at all.
"We know you are getting married. It doesn't make any difference. While you are here we expect you to be fully concentrated on work. Just like we expect L. (L. is currently 7 months pregnant with her second child) to dedicate all of her attention to her work."
You could say, of course, that they could have been more sensitive regarding individual circumstances; I could have defended myself; I could have appealed to their consideration, telling them about our recent problems, our challenges, my sleep deprivation (which makes me act like a zombie most days)... but when I looked at them, I saw a pair of middle-aged career women, hardened by years and years of working two or even three shifts outside their home every day. Women who don't know what it's like to be relaxed and unhurried, able to give your all to those you love the most.
And I decided to remain silent.
It all comes, again and again, to the following: our time and energy aren't endless resources. When you have too much on your plate, something will undoubtedly suffer. And then you will have to make a choice: what will remain in its place of honor? What will have to move and make room for the truly important things in your life?
I already made my choice. After my relationship with God, preparing for marriage and being there for my future husband is my first priority. Had I decided to put the wedding off for a few weeks, and get married in April rather than March, after I have left the hospital, I would probably have had less clashes with my supervisors. But I wouldn't think of delaying the wonderful life I'm going to have (God willing) with my new husband - not even for one day.