All who visit this blog regularly know how strongly I feel about the pro-life cause. I get updates from pro-life websites and blogs, subscribe to pro-life newsletters, usually don't remain silent when a discussion arises, and sometimes write about pro-life matters here.
As soon as I was old enough to understand what abortion truly means, I was horrified by this gruesome procedure. I couldn't and wouldn't take it as anything but the destruction of human life, of motherhood, of compassion, of everything one should hold dear. This was true even before I became religious, and it makes perfect sense to me that every human being can only be appalled and repulsed by the very thought of killing a child. But of course, my religious beliefs only strengthened my convictions on this matter.
As someone who was born despite her father's wishes, I soon realized that the pretty phrase "every child should be a wanted child" actually means the following: it's alright to label a child "unwanted" - whether it refers to circumstances such as the mother's young age, unwed status, or poverty, or to "abnormalities" found in the child prior to birth, or to simply not having a spare bedroom - and it's alright to kill such an "unwanted" child by pulling him out of the mother's womb limb by limb, and go on like nothing happened.
Like I said, I always felt strongly about this. But now that I'm carrying a precious child myself, in the safe haven of my womb, I lack words to describe how much more painfully I feel for every poor mother who was convinced, coerced and pressured to forgo the joy of giving life and replace it with an empty pit of despair - most often, feeling that she has no other choice.
Before, the horror was bone-chilling; now, it's nearly impossible to bear. I burst out crying when I read my pro-life newsletters. I feel each story so deeply that I dwell on it for days - and there are just so many, too many, to encompass in my mind.
That's when I decided I need to put some limits to this. I still read and participate in discussions about the general concept, but as soon as it becomes too personal or too graphic, I can't bear it and I'm out. Especially as I'm in danger of someone unexpectedly supplying a link to graphic images, not thinking they might be seen by sensitive pregnant women or new mothers.
So, I took a break from reading pro-life newsletters. For my emotional health and for the sake of my unborn child, I feel I cannot do otherwise right now.