A few days ago I received a question that deeply touched my heart, so much that I decided to do a separate post about it. Not because I'm such an outstanding expert on the matter, but rather because I'm as much in need of humble learning and improvement as the lady who sent the question. So here it goes.
"What can a woman do, 6-7 years into her marriage, when she realizes she started out all wrong? When we first married I was cold, rude, demanding, unfeminine and hated everything domestic. I have completely changed my outlook on everything at this point. I now do my best to be kind and nurturing to my husband. But what else can I do to try and un-do my past behavior towards him? For those of us that have been married for a while that are trying to change the way we behave as wives and mothers - any tips?"
Obviously, I'm a very, very new wife - my dear husband and I have only been married a few short months. However, even in this brief period, I learned how important it is to let go, forgive, and start over. A new, fresh page opens every day if we allow it - and if we don't, consequences can be devastating.
Unresolved issues can eventually form a high wall that divides you and prevents open communication and true intimacy. It can be very painful even when we're talking about matters of weeks - I can only imagine how high and wide this wall can grow within years! Each misunderstanding, frustration, argument, and silence treatment is another brick in the wall that stands between husband and wife, until finally, tragically, they become two hostile strangers who would rather reveal their hearts to anyone but each other.
As we all know, old habits die hard. The longer you let a destructive pattern go on, the more difficult it is to reverse. It's important to recognize the mistakes of our old ways, passionately desire a change, and commit to this change - not half-heartedly, not out of cold duty, but out of love, pure love.
I can't even begin to express how important it is to sit down with your husband and talk, talk, talk about everything that is on your heart. Pour out your heart, unrestrictedly, and thus make it easier for your husband to know how you feel, and let you know how he feels. Pray for each other and for your marriage, and ask the One Who brought you together to renew your love and devotion for each other. Ask Him to turn your heart towards your husband, and become the wife you have always wanted to be.
I'm writing this with a constricted heart because I, too, have been guilty of unfair behavior towards my dear husband, of miscommunication, of letting difficult matters lie for a long time instead of resolving them as soon as they arose, of allowing us both to carry a weight in our hearts, which became a burden on our budding new marriage. All because of not finding the courage to openly talk, and then commit to, and make a change. Thankfully, the Almighty has blessed me with the gift of a patient, loving, devoted husband, who made every effort to help me see what we both need to do in order to improve.
I know many of the ladies who read this blog are more experienced wives, and therefore I'm opening this for discussion. I wish every struggling couple - and I believe most married couples face challenges once in a while - a beautiful renewal of love, commitment and closeness in their marriage.