Monday, August 15, 2011

Afraid


My baby is almost a year old, and although one can never know, judging from previous experience this is about the time for me to get pregnant again.

And I’m afraid.

I’m afraid of unfeeling, uncaring health care that will pressure me into having expensive, invasive, time-consuming procedures and check-ups – far away from my home, far more than is necessary, which will drain my limited energy and disrupt my home life and the routine of our whole family.

I’m afraid of going to the hospital again. I’m afraid to have, once more, rude jokes made at my expense; to be tactlessly subject to unnecessary paper-work questioning while I need to be focused on labor; to have unnecessary staff members detracting, by their very presence, from the sacred intimacy of the birth process; to have to resist, while I am vulnerable and can hardly think, all sorts of needless interventions.

I dread the moment when I, weak and confused after just have given birth, will have to fight for my right to keep my baby by my side day and night; to fight to make sure that no one pushes formula or vaccinations during or right after check-ups at the nursery, if I am not present.

I dread having to spend several days in a strange, comfortless environment, away from my family, from any place that makes me feel safe and protected, just when I am most vulnerable and exhausted. I dread the several hours of waiting and paper-pushing that accompanies being checked out of an Israeli hospital after giving birth.

I know those fears will sound petty, compared to what other people have to endure – death and serious illness, infertility, or newborn babies having to remain in the NICU for months. After all, what I have had so far were two relatively normal, uncomplicated pregnancies and two normal, straightforward, natural births, and I’m perfectly aware of the blessing of it.

But I also know that there are many women out there, who are perfectly able to identify with what I’m feeling on the account; who loathe feeling like a cog in a big machine, the moment they cross the hospital doors.

If, as is most likely, I will have another hospital birth, I will keep in mind that it all depends, perhaps more than on the official hospital policy, on the people you fall in with – the midwives, doctors and nurses that happen to be on duty when you arrive. It’s the people who make the difference, who can make your birth experience horrid even when things are going fine, and who can comfort you in the most hopeless circumstances.

I’ll just give one example to illustrate what I mean. When Tehilla was born, it was the evening of Rosh Ha-Shana – two days of holiday, followed by Shabbat. I gave birth in a religious hospital, full of Orthodox Jewish women who of course could not be checked out and drive away until Shabbat was over. Which means that the hospital had 3 days of checking in, with no checking out – and by the end of those 3 days, it was full.

So, during the second day of my stay, a receptionist coolly mentioned to us that they are checking the possibility of opening another floor for postnatal care and transferring us there. Oh, and that floor doesn’t have a nursery and the pediatrician won’t bother to go there, so you won’t be allowed to keep your baby with you. You will go there, and your baby will remain here in the nursery, on another floor.

Well, you can imagine how that affected me, in my after-birth, whacky emotional state. I went back into my room and cried buckets. I didn’t know what to do. Theoretically, I could wait until my husband’s visit, check myself out, and we could walk with baby in arms to my in-laws’, who live nearby. But would I have made this walk, by all measures an easy distance, two days after giving birth? I have no idea. Just to make it clear to those who may not know, it is allowed to use a car on holiday or Shabbat to go to hospital to give birth (which is considered a matter of life and death), but not to go home from the hospital – if you aren’t within walking distance from home, you’ll have to stay where you are until Shabbat is over.

Anyway, when I wheeled my baby’s bassinet to the dining room for dinner and sat down to eat, I simply burst into tears and was comforted by all the other sweet kind women who said there is no way they will put up with being sent to another floor and leave their babies behind. And in the end, none of it took place, none of us was transferred, and I was able to remain with my baby all the while – but just the memory of the possibility of separation is like a black stain on my whole experience of that hospital stay. It’s like they could have done anything they wanted, and I was only spared by mercy. The cool, unfeeling conduct of that receptionist who didn’t even try to sympathize with what we were going through, strikes me as nothing less than cruelty.

I’m not sure what will happen next. I’m not even pregnant yet, and if and when I am, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Perhaps I’ll seek alternative health care options, although in Israel those are very expensive and very marginal. Or perhaps I’ll just put up with it all, all over again.

38 comments:

Thia said...

Completely understandable. Hugs.

Heather said...

Do you have the option to home birth? Were your first two births uncomplicated and normal? I'm not sure if there are midwives or doulas in Israel, but if there are, you should definitely look into it! I have a few people who have recently had water home births with just their family around them. Of course we all seem to be local to a hospital in case there was a problem. It seems like it would be something your family would enjoy, to be away from the "institution" of hospital birth. If you are blessed with another child, I hope that you are able to have some peace about bringing the child into the world.

Roxaline said...

I am so sorry! I can not imagine. I had a home birth for the same reasons, but I don't know if home births are allowed is Israel. Again, I feel for you and you are in my prayers!

Lady Anne said...

Wow! Things are so different in American hospitals. First, all of our meals are served to us in our rooms; a community dining room is unheard of. It would be great in the maternity area, although in the regular medical sections there'd be too much worry about spreading germs.

Second, although hospital personnel are encouraged to be friendly - and are unfailingly kind, in my experience - I've never heard of anyone being the subject of rude jokes. Is this common?

Is home birth a possibility? I can understand that with two infants in the house already, this may not be practical, unless grandmom is able to take the children for a few days. I know you've discussed this before, but I don't remember the particulars.

But - honestly - why do you feel it is necessary for you to get pregnant again? Am I missing something? You have two healthy, happy children, which are truly a blessing, and from what you say, a fairly small house. Yet you seem to be obviously resigned to having another child.

I'm not trying to be difficult or ask more prying questions - goodness knows you've gotten enough of those - but part of this has slipped past me, and I am genuinely interested in your answer.

Blessings!

Rose said...

[[[[[[ Anna ]]]]]

k. said...

Could you hire a doula to be with you at the birth and postpartum? I live in the United States and used one for both of my births. I found it extremely comforting to have someone else with me, to advocate for me, and help remind everyone of the preferences I'd expressed in my birth plan.

I did a quick google for Doulas in Israel, http://www.midwiferytoday.com/international/Israel.asp looks like it might have some useful resources.

Peggy Lorenz said...

I can totally relate, Anna. When I gave birth to my daughter here in the US, it was at home (which we had not planned for). Two ambulances came to the house, and my dr. managed to get there in time to deliver. Someone took my baby and was heading to the first ambulance, and I had to ask whether it was a boy or a girl! I did not get to hold my child immediately after birth, and was transported to the hospital in a separate ambulance. If I had it to do over, I would have demanded to be kept with my baby. Thank you for your thoughtful posts!

Emily G. said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this fear and worry during a time which should be so happy for you.

Rightthinker said...

Since you have had 2 natural, uncomplicated deliveries, I think you'd do great giving birth in your own home!

Have you searched for a lay midwife (one that may be underground-often they barter) or a registered midwife..or considered unassisted birth?

I am just attempting to be supportive, as I fully understand! I had 5 children in the hospital, and our 6th at home. I did so "illegally" and we paid for it out of pocket, as our insurance does not cover it..truth is, it cost less than our medical costs at the hospital usually do.

I'm praying for you..one thing to remember (as we have many back-to-back children) is that when we remember that it is GOD who blesses with a full womb, it is GOD who will care for us, we can focus more on the joy, and less on the fear.

Go forward knowing He will care for you-even your concerns!

God Bless!

Gothelittle Rose said...

Maybe you'll get lucky and the hospital will have put in LDAP in the meanwhile!

My mother and I both think that LDAP is the greatest thing to ever hit the maternity ward.

For those not in the know: An LDAP suite contains a hospital bed with removable parts, the baby weighing/warming/checkup station (removeable on wheels), a baby bassinet on wheels, a plush chair that opens up into a single bed, a small table with two chairs, a rocking chair, and a private attached bathroom. The woman does labor, delivery, and post-partum all in the same room (hence the name) and her husband never has to leave. He's even allowed to order from the hospital menu.

Neither of my babies ever went to the nursery.

My mother had her babies before LDAP, and she had the same feelings about it that you do.

Miriam said...

I completely understand. I live here too and hate the whole hospital birth experience-- it would be wonderful if you could have a home birth here without paying $1000 for it!

My last birth, I just stayed home and labored with my husband. I waited until the last minute to call an ambulance, and ended up delivering the baby myself-- which was exactly what I wanted-- while the paramedics where there-- and before they even realized what was happening!

We then all went to the hospital, and although the stay wasn't ideal, it wasn't horrible. I've had 4 babies here, and over time I realized that they really can't make me do anything I don't want to. What are they going to do, kick me out? I keep my baby in bed with me as much as I want, and if a nurse comes and says I have to send him back I do, but then I run back an hour later and fetch him and they usually sleep the whole night with me.

But the main thing is to pray. Since much of the entire birth experience is out of your hands, put it in God's hands and let Him take care of it. I pray for so many specifics each time I'm pregnant and my births have just gotten better and better-- and I'm so much more relaxed and less scared as well.

Mrs. Anna T said...

Lady Anne, I'm not sure how to answer your question. I'll just say that I'm prepared to welcome the blessing of children as they come, and certainly neither the size of my house nor a bad hospital experience will change my mind. For the record, my husband comes from a family of 5 children who all grew up in a 2.5 room apartment.

K, I have no real need for a doula, because my husband is so amazing as an advocate for natural birth. It was thanks to him that I avoided induction and artificial breaking of waters, during both births.

Rightthinker, home births are legal in Israel, but very uncommon. So far I don't even want to think about particulars. We'll see what the future brings.

Gothelittle Rose, this sounds wonderful, but I believe there's not a chance something like this will happen in Israel in the next decades.

Michelle Therese said...

Your fears are very understandable!

If I get pregnant again I will be forced to litearlly move to and live in the maternity hospital that is over 200 miles away ~ and we live on an island in a very remote part of Scotland. So I would be completely cut off from my husband, my three other children, my home, my church, my friends... everything! I wouldn't even have internet access or anything.

And it's awful there because they treat you like an unwanted intruder ~ they let you know how busy they are and how the hospital is full and you are taking up their time and being a bother whenever you have a legitimate need. And they don't feed you hardly at all. And I remember after I had had the twins and I was bleeding and bleeding I asked the night nurses for some pads and she gave me ONE and said, "Your husband can buy you some in the morning." Here it was only 10pm and visiting hours weren't until 9am and I had to wear that awful soaked pad for nearly 12 hours!! It was so dehumanizing and humiliating! (Well, I had to wear it longer because my husband had to go way out into the city to try an find a store...) Here I was being held like a prisoner and they couldn't even supply me with basic things like a maternity pad after having twins!!

It was bad enough having to live in that hospital last time, totally cut off from my precious first born and my husband for weeks!

How can this be within our human rights?? It's absolutely insane! And people wonder why women don't want to have more children... after the hell we are put through??

Pickle said...

Anna, I've been reading for just over a year now, and don't typically comment, but I understand your fears. I am lucky enough to have a midwife here for my second pregnancy as my first birth was not all I wanted. I was forced to have medical interventions during times that I was not able to have the strength to say NO. My baby was taken from me multiple times and I was in an "all in one" room. Everything that was done to me was for the sake of the Dr's time and not at all what was best for myself or my baby.


Stay strong and KNOW what you want. Make sure your husband knows and he can be your voice when you don't have the energy to have one.

I wish you luck in finding excellent care for your next pregnancy!

Nicole said...

Your feelings are totally understandable. My first experience (US) with maternity care was very patronizing, which led me to a birth center, which then led me to homebirth. (Something I did not think I would ever want.) God led me through a whole range of experiences and to an amazing midwife and my last two have been born at home.
Of course, I am not in Israel so have no idea what options you have, but it is something worth praying about. May God send you peace as you antipicate a coming pregnancy.

Shara Harper said...

Hi Anna,

I completely understand your dilema. I have had 2 healthy pregnancies and 2 straightforward, natural labours. I feel blessed beyond words. However I will always remember during my first labour, the midwife telling me to shutup and push. 1 sentence can definitely put a black mark on your experience. And because of that I did not want to go near a hospital for my second. It was not possible for me to have a home birth (expense etc) so I just decided that I would not go to the hospital until I absolutley had to. I had only been in labour for 2 hours when we arrived but I "felt" it was time. The attending midwife on arrival was very rude to me twice and also insinuated that I had come to early and was way off giving birth. When she left the room, my husband (who is very supportive of natural birth, aren't we blessed wives!) and I decided we would request a different midwife. When she returned she announced her shift was over (thankyou GOD!)and the next midwife was amazing,and our 4.7kg baby boy was born 1 hour later!! I also put up a great fight after the birth and was eventually discharged the same day and allowed home....Hospital is not a prison and they can't force you to do anything they want. Women can and should stand up for their rights! Best wishes Anna and may GOD abundantly bless your family!

Shara (Australia)

Eileen said...

I just never had this experience emotionally. I was always looking forward to whom God would surround me with, as I could then be a witness of His love. I had a variety of personnel, not all warm either. However, I get the sense you've made up your mind to be miserable for the experience. While I agree that all the tests, talking, separation from our loved ones can be trying, I don't see a drop of thankfulness for those God has put or may put in your path, regardless of whether they know Him or not. Sorry, but I think you need to change your perspective here a bit. We have the power to make our experiences in life far worse or better than they are with our heart attitude. Will hope you consider this comment.

Lauren said...

Anna, I can definitely understand your fears. IMHO, the birthing process has been turned into something that is easier for medical professionals to "manage" but those changes have not all been for the better of the mother or child.

One thing that might help, depending upon how receptive your hospital is to the idea, is developing a written birth plan. Obviously it isn't legally binding, but if you have a written plan that you have discussed with your doctor prior to delivery, and also discussed with the hospital staff upon arrival, you might be able to better manage your birth.

lisa said...

I can relate! All of our births were in the hospital with a wonderful midwife (who is also a family friend), but
I would have much rather delivered at home. Sad to say, homebirths are illegal in our state.
((Hugs)),
Lisa

living from glory to glory said...

Oh I think I do remember having the feeling of the possability of another baby coming. Yet in it all, everything always worked out. Even if I cried and fell apart at times.

Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates. Pr 31:31

Shalom, Roxy

Anonymous said...

I think your fears are perfectly rational, and I'm so sorry you're faced with this. I would also encourage you to look into the doula option - I think I read that there are parts of labor or delivery or postpartum that your husband could not be present for - is that right? If so, having a woman with you the whole time to be your advocate and your fighter (not just for intervention-free labor and delivery, but also for no separation and so forth) would allow you to put down that part of the burden. And it does sound as well as if you'd be an excellent candidate for home birth, although again, if there are parts of it your husband isn't allowed to be present for, a woman with some experience would be an invaluable asset.
Perhaps more importantly, I believe, and I think you do to, that children are known to God, and for a child to be given to you is a blessing beyond measure. If He gives you more children, He will provide for them, and He will provide for you the grace and strength you need to meet whatever challenges arise.
Wishing you all the best!
Gracie

sibyl said...

So sorry that this anxiety is hanging over you right now. And for something that is one of the biggest blessings in a woman's life to become a source of dread is just terrible.

My one suggestion (and it's not great, just an idea) to relieve some of this dread, is to use visualization to keep yourself from getting too caught up in worry on this issue. When you put on your headscarf to go out, you might visualize it as the symbol of your heart's obedience to the Creator's plan. Every time worry and dread begin to bother you, let your head-covering be a reminder that the Almighty's way is the right way, the way of peace, even in a world that doesn't recognize this.

As a Christian I sometimes do this with certain outward signs of being religious; they serve as physical reminders to re-focus, and to not let fears of the future overwhelm me.

I hope this is not offensive to you; if so, please forgive me.

Mrs. Anna T said...

Michelle, when I mentioned people who had to go through worse, I thought of you, among others. You, after 2 c-sections, one of them with twins, and a host of pregnancy-related complications, you might think I might consider myself very lucky indeed! And I do. But as you rightly pointed out, it's the inhuman treatment. I can't believe they didn't supply you with such basics. In the hospital I gave birth in, they resolved it very simply. They told us, "here's a cabinet where you'll find pads, fresh linen and towels, help yourselves" and it was far easier than to have to ask for things all the time.

Eileen, I would have thought I expressed myself wrongly, but since everybody else seems to understand perfectly well what I'm saying, I guess you chose to misunderstand me.

Gracie, my husband can and was present at all parts of labor and delivery, although he did have to leave at night after the baby was born. No, in my case, really, with such a husband, I can need no other person for support. I know some women feel more comfortable with their mother, sister, a friend or doula, but I wouldn't want anyone but my husband.

CappuccinoLife said...

Anna, it sounds like you have some unique challenges, having babies in Israel.

I would like to encourage you though, not to take tomorrow's worries on yourself today. Your post reminds me of something I used to often do, which I call "horrible-izing". I would think and overthink and worry and make myself sick with fear over possibilities.

I too do not like delivering in a hospital, but it's where I end up every time, and there's nothing I can do about it. But I have found that many of my fears were unwarranted, and that standing up for myself made it a much pleasanter experience than it could have been. As unpleasant as your experience was last time, the worst of the worst didn't actually happen. Please don't let "what might have happened" or "what may happen next time" ruin your emotional life surrounding motherhood. :(

Meagan said...

Just wanted to say, remember it is in God's hands when He sends another child, and He who sustains you and the child in your womb through the process. Just because something happens that way once before doesn't mean to take it for granted that it will happen that way again. Ask any woman who has had a misscarriage after successful pregnancies.... It can not be assured that it will be that way again. So hold on to what is precious and deal with things as they come.

Anonymous said...

The hospital can be a difficult experience, but it is short lived and most of us deal with it then move on, grateful for a healthy baby. I don't meant to minimize your concerns, but there is a reason women started having babies in hospitals. That is because some were dying without them. It is not a perfect situation, far from it, but it does give the best opportunity to save mother and baby if something goes wrong.

Me and my firstborn survived a horrific complication (prolapsed cord) that could have left him severely brain damaged or worse, because we were in a hospital. In the case of such complications, there is not enough time to save a baby (and mother, if she is also in distress) in a home birth situation. It can happen to anyone, a baby with a complication. In my case, there was no indication of problems until I was fully dilated and pushing (with no pain medication) when that awful monitor everyone complains about suddenly showed my baby was not getting enough oxygen. Within minutes, I was in the OR, having a c-section while the resuscitation team rushed to save me and my baby if we stopped breathing. A perfectly "natural" birth turned out to require as much intervention as possible at the last minute.

You have two other children to consider and if something happens to you or if you have a handicapped infant, it is going to affect them for the rest of their lives as well. It is easy to sit on this side of the equation, with two great births and two healthy babies, but before you choose anything but a hospital, please consider what you really would do in the case of the worst possible outcome. These decisions need to be made with the worst possibilities in mind, not the best. I am sorry to sound harsh. I would hate to see a mother go through what I did at home. I would have bled to death and my baby would have died. Even in the hospital, my husband told me later, he did not know who was coming out alive. As for your fear, you can overcome it. I overcame the fear after my first and had more children. If I can do that, you can face a (hopefully) uncomplicated birth and a few days in the hospital afterwards.

It is not just first time mothers, either, who have problems. I know of a mother who had a uterine inversion with her third. She would have died at home, but in a hospital she was able to get life saving care, including blood transfusions. Like me, she was happy to just be alive with a healthy baby.

emily said...

Anna, I am really sorry that you are feeling this way.

A question on my mind is whether you have recently had your bloods tested for possible anaemia/thyroid issues? You seem to be chronically tired and overwhelmed, and I wonder if there may be something medical that could be treated, (as well as a much needed overhaul of the health system, of course!).

Hugs and best wishes xx

Marie-Eve said...

I am not married and do not have children. I do, however, understand (if only imperfectly) your fears.

What I want is to wish you the best. My dad says 'prepare for the worst', you have done that: your fears are proof of your experience and reflexions. Now, you can go on to the next step and 'hope for the best'.

I know I will be hoping that you have another great pregnancy, a better hospital experience, and another perfect baby really soon :)

Anonymous said...

Maybe you could get a heter?

Ronit said...

Anna, you're Jewish, not Catholic. And you can do something about preventing a pregnancy if the thought scares you. Physical health is one reason a heter is permitted for birth control, and mental health is another. If the thought of another pregnancy scares you, PLEASE speak to a rav about going on birth control. There is no mitzva to have as many kids as possible with no break. In fact, most rabbis will give you a heter, de facto, for two years after birth, because for the first two years after birth you're considered a meineket (nursing woman, even if you're not), and exempt from certain things halachically. Please, ask a rabbi for a heter for birth control. Your kids need an emotionally and physically healthy mother. And if you can't agree to use many of the halachically permitted birth controls (IUD, pill, diaphragm with spermicide, plain spermicide), at least read Taking Charge of your Fertility, know when you're ovulating, and abstain then. For your benefit and your children's benefit. Hashem doesn't ask you to be a martyr!

(For the record, I only went on birth control for the first time after I had 2 kids, and my second was a year, and the thought of another pregnancy scared me, as you are now. I'm not a pusher of birth control, just of mom sanity!)

Eileen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Katie V. said...

Anna, I'm sorry you are feeling afraid and dread. It can be so discouraging with all of the details and people that get us down. In each of ny three hospital stays I've had some awful experiences. The treatment of one nurse had me in tears and my husband drove back to the hospital to help deal with this. I am going to pray for you. Know that God will give you the strength to get through it all. Ask Him for the grace and the courage to do it. Satan always prowls around and tries to discourage us. Tell him to get lost! ;) A new little baby would be a big blessing. God will give you the strength! Trust. God bless, Katie

Katie V. said...

PS. Dear Anna, I just realized after posting my comment that the Jewish faith may view Satan somewhat differently than Christians, so I'm sorry if it came across the wrong way. In any case, G_d will take care of you!

Mrs. Anna T said...

To Ronit and others who have mentioned the possibility of simply refraining from having more children: regardless of whether it is allowed or not, it is not what *I* want. I long to have more children, and now I have seen what a blessing a close age gap between siblings can be, I'd love to have 2 under 2 again.

Telling someone who wants to have children but is worried about some aspects of it (such as hospital births), is like telling a single person who longs to get married but has some apprehensions about it, that he had better remain single. If the issue is temporary and cannot be avoided, in my opinion it's better to take the plunge.

If these were issues that could be resolved by delaying, I'd understand the reasoning. But this isn't the case. Whether I have another child within one, two or five years, it is very likely that Israeli hospitals will remain just the same, and I'll be in no way more prepared to meet rude doctors and uncaring nurses.

But again, I will stress that having more children is the deep desire of my heart. A hospital stay, however troublesome, is short-term, and in no way seems to outweigh the blessing of adding another baby.

Ann SM said...

if there is no feasible alternative to a hospital birth, can you try to view the hospital stay like labor pains? even welcome and embrace it...knowing you are that much closer to meeting your baby

Rebecca said...

When my son was born he was quickly whisked away to NICU being 6 weeks early. He was hooked up to all the machines and I was told for the first few hours to rest and not worry about him. I freaked out and the moment I was able to walk again jumped out of bed and went to him. I was told over and over again that they couldnt measure my breast milk so he couldn't leave without them knowing how much he was eating on top of that they tried to talk me out of circumsizing him. I told them it was OUR choice and to stop bothering us about it and I set up everything for it to be done in the hospital. They didnt wait for our Rabbi so that he could deal with them they just did it. -.- I was alone at home day after day but would try to spend as much time as I could with him. It was awful! I changed doctors and hospitals after that with my second. - but that didnt matter, I had her on the front seat of our car with my husband driving at a red light a block away from the hospital. Maybe it was an answered prayer for not as much pain from the hospital.. be careful what you ask for.

Sarah Vine said...

Hi, I'm a doula near Jerusalem and I was reading this (slightly old now) post, and so perhaps you've found some peace in the meantime. I've attended many births in the UK and in Israel, and I'm also American. I have to say, I'm glad to be giving birth in Israel. Just a small word in defense of the (nearly free!) system here, I have come across some beautiful midwives in our hospitals. Not always. I have run into those you mention in your post, and you're right, it's unethical and just wrong to submit a birthing and postbirth mother to rudeness and thoughtlessness. But I've also seen wonderful, wonderful treatment of women. ALWAYS ASK as soon as you arrive at kabala for the midwife on rotation who is in favor of natural birth! Even if your birth has complications or you decide on an epidural, she will be a woman who loves women and believes in birth, and will be more flexible in encouraging mobility and alternative birth positions, not to mention she will have a sweeter spirit. Bring your own pads and diapers, even pillows etc so you don't have to ask for supplies. (These can be kept in the car or brought by a family member to the hospital post-birth.) Bring an eye mask and earplugs, if the baby is in the nursery have them ring you if they cry and put your phone under your pillow or arm, on vibrate - you will SLEEP which helps your coping abilities but will still be awake in an instant to be there for your baby. Ask about rooming in, or the malonit. And as for homebirth, there are excellent midwives here who believe that no woman should be denied a homebirth due to finances, and they do not charge top dollar. May you have grace, and joy in birthing.x

Megan said...

I know of a website of doulas in Israel. I hope you can find something/someone to help you.