This blog is a jumble of different things - recipes, religious experiences, crochet patterns, family celebrations, life in Israel and homemaking.
Whenever I venture into something personal here, I'm striving to find the balance between expressing what I feel and maintaining the privacy of our family. Several comments prompted me to write this, and since my thoughts aren't fully in order, I won't blame you if you find neither head nor tail in what I'm saying.
When I got married, I fully assumed I would be the mother of a very large family, with a child around every 18-24 months. Now, for various reasons, it looks like this isn't going to happen - and when I say for various reasons, it means there are reasons, beyond expecting to fall pregnant at a certain time and not being able to. As you can imagine, I'd rather not go into details here.
It's now over 4 years since I started blogging. In the beginning of my way here, I was still very hurt by my past life and, perhaps, trying too hard to walk in a straight line and fit everything into neat compartments. Now I embrace and rejoice in the diversity of destiny, thought, temperament, and family situations. I have been blessed beyond measure, and often overwhelmed with gratitude, by the friendship and kindness shown to me.
I'm very, very thankful for my two healthy, beautiful daughters. Whether or not I ever have more children, I rejoice in having Shira and Tehilla, who are the light of my life. Lately, I've been wondering what my life is going to be like if I only have them.
I assumed I would be busy taking care of babies well into my forties, but if my daughters are all I ever have, by the time I'm 30 I'll have two children well past the stage of toddlerhood, and no perspective of more. In such a case, I will reach earlier than expected that stage of life all mothers, hopefully, eventually reach - a time when the children are grown and not so very needy anymore.
I might have more leisure, but there's never such a thing as "too much" time, as there are so many things to do in the home and beyond. Among other things, I might prevent the accumulation of dust bunnies under the sofa, perfect my knitting, and reach out to help other women who are having babies, whether it is by cooking meals (like I'm doing now for my sister-in-law) or volunteering to babysit. The care for young children is so intense that in every community, a woman who has a bit more time on her hands can be a real blessing to others.
Of course, all this is speculation. I don't know what will really happen; whatever it is, I'm trying to learn to go with what G-d has in store, rather that what I had set my mind on. I know He can work wonders, as He already had, in my life and the lives of others.
The beautiful painting is "women washing clothes by a stream", by Daniel Ridgway Knight.