Friday, April 27, 2007

Courtship vs. Dating - excellent post by Jordin

Jordin from "Paths of Peace" is making a series of posts explaining her view on the dangers of dating games and why courtship is preferable to dating. Take a peek at her excellent post here. I've just read it and it was... well, the very thing I needed to hear when I was 16 and no one ever told me.

We need to help young people understand that:
1) Dating leads to divorce.
Jordin mentions in her post that dating is like trying one outfit after another, and throwing it out when it doesn't fit. I brought up the same point in a post I made this month. Dating doesn't prepare us for marriage. Dating only prepares us for more dating, heartbreak, emotional and physical dangers.
2) If you want to be safe, avoid situations that lead you to temptation.
I would like to stand up and applaud Jordin for saying "If you want the best for your children, it's best they not be alone". When I bring up this point while talking to other young people, I get - how should I describe this? - sackfuls of rotten eggs: "What?! Are we animals? Can't we trust ourselves to control our impulses?!"
... well you know what, when you're on a diet, you don't keep a box of chocolates next to you to "test the strength of your self-control". I know it's a very crude comparison, but yes, we are humans and we are weak. Avoiding temptation is part of resisting it.

Yes, it may sound controversial, but I believe that ideally, courtship should proceed without touching at all (and that includes holding hands), and without being alone together. Even if young people are strong enough to resist temptation, physical contact clouds a person's mind and can only interfere with the main goal of courtship: finding out if the young man and woman are suitable for each other as potential spouses.

Thank you for bringing this up, Jordin. I will stay tuned for more eye-opening posts on this topic.


Jordin said...

Thank you, Anna. I'm so glad you found my post helpful, and I hope others do as well, :)

I completely agree with the "no touching" aspect of courtship. Sadly, when you tell people that, they look at you like you should be in a mental institution. But it makes so much sense. Thanks for your great thoughts on the topic!

Anna S said...

You and I don't need to be convinced; we already learned our lesson (and I learned mine the hard way!!). I do hope word can be spread to younger people, who are about to make a mistake which is, unfortunately, the norm in the world we live in.

Emily said...

Looks like a great series, thanks for posting Anna. I agree with you on the points you made about courtship, although I do believe as the courtship progresses and seems to be headed towards marriage, some time alone can and should be permitted - provided it is done in a sensible place and that the parents/accountability couple give it the go-ahead.

In His care, Emily

Anna S said...

When I said I think the courting couple shouldn't be left alone, I didn't mean it in the sense someone should watch them all the time and listen to all of their conversations. I meant that they shouldn't be alone in a place where they know for sure they will not be interrupted.

For example: I would agree to be alone with a young man in my room, while the door is unlocked and someone else is in the house. But I wouldn't invite him in if I know no one else is there. I also wouldn't go for a long walk on a secluded beach, for that matter.

Emily said...

Ah I see Anna, yes that makes sense! Thanks for clarifying.

In His care, Emily

Michael said...

Anna, are you the same Anna S. who's written for Ladies Against Feminism?

I agree with your post and Jordin's comment too. When I get an opportunity to court a lady, I would love to do it exactly as you described it.

Anna S said...

Yes, Michael. I am, indeed, the same Anna S (I even link to one piece I wrote for LAF in my very first post).