Friday, May 4, 2007

Reply to "Reclaiming the Gift of Chastity"

[published with permission. Not for very young readers.]

I received a wonderful reply via email to my previous post, "Reclaiming the Gift of Chastity". This was written by a young man, and I'm publishing part of it with his permission:

"... So, those myths... well, especially the scarcity of good men (and women), that is espoused by people who stay in bad situations is something that I think is partial reason for ease why people are being used. I mean, people are afraid about following things:

*That they will never find anyone and this is why they have to submit themselves to anything other person wants.
*That they will never find anyone better than the current one, if they have managed to get past the first fear due to having found the original jackass in the first place.
*That they are different from others and get ostracised because of that. They lose virginity to not get ridiculed. This fits especially well to men.
*That sex is like salary and one has to have a lot of it and early on to get ahead in life in order to not be loser.

...and many more. These are just ones I have heard or had, but there can be many more that I can't even imagine. Baseline is that most people go to bed out of fear. I originally planned to say that they do that for this reason only first time, but with more thinking I guess most people have sex out of fear, period. Many mask it well, failing to recognize it themselves even, but still they fall in for the pressure.

And I think it is sad.

I know I would have done it earlier... well, way earlier out of fear (first three, especially third), if not for my terminal shyness. It was only later, when all those fears had evaporated and the shyness too, that I had developed the desire to have sex only with dignity. That is, that I could look back on all my sexual decisions and be proud of them (but not brag - I believe in being discreet as well...).

Interestingly same thought processes erased the pedestal I had for virginity. What I mean, is that before that being virgin was on one hand pure curse for male and something that I would require for female. But as the fears subsided and the idea of dignity began to sink in (though not worded as such at the time), the virginity lost its importance as such. It became just side product of the dignified life (though sometimes it felt painful side product... I admit that).

So how does that fit with your text? Well, chaste life is dignified. To me at least. And to me the key to being dignified with the regards of sex is to recognize the simple truths of sexual life:

*I make my own decisions, no one else.
*I am unique and I have no obligations to emulate others.
*I owe nothing to people I date when it comes to sex.
and finally...
*People can say about anything in order to get to bed. If you are not married, and if you could not have sex with them with any one of the things they have said being untrue, then don't go to bed with them. If you have married, then you can trust (if you can't trust, then why did you marry in the first place?)."

... Thank you for taking the time to write this!


Emily said...

Very interesting reply - especially the part about fear. That is so true.

In His care, Emily

Anna S said...

Indeed. That is one extraordinary young man.