Thursday, June 21, 2007

That's the spirit on our campus

A couple of days ago, we (me and several fellow students) had a conversation with one of our teachers. Since we're about to graduate (not long now! Hang in there!), most of the students are concerned about work opportunities, salary, connections, etc. Someone asked the teacher about evening shifts in a hospital – is there more or less work than during morning shifts?

The teacher, a young woman, embarrassedly admitted that she doesn't currently work during the evenings, as she has a husband and little children to care for; therefore, she only works a couple of hours in the mornings and then rushes home to her family.
'Otherwise, I just wouldn't have time to be there for my children,' – she said breathlessly. It was obvious she was feeling uncomfortable. You should have felt the silence in the room! It was icy, ladies. And there were raised eyebrows, oh yes. A whole lot of them.

I broke the silence by saying that in my opinion, children are far more important, especially at the moment (I tried to say that pleasantly and mildly, of course). Then someone mentioned fellow students who already become Moms. And so this moment was forgotten, but I continued to go back to it in my mind throughout the day.

I think it's very sad that a woman must actually justify herself for taking more time to spend with her family.


Lydia said...

The poor lady. It reminds me of when I mentioned to a family friend I'd ultimately like to be a wife and mother. "All your brains and THAT'S all you want to do?"

I can only shake my head. We're made to feel as though we're somehow betraying our gender when we chose a life of service.

Beautifuly Created said...

Thank you for coming by my blog! Don't worry you will master the sewing machine.

It amazes me how many women have said to me how they wish they would have had the option of staying home with their children when they were young. I rarely have to justify myself but hear how lucky I am to have the opprotunity to do so.

Anonymous said...

Go against the flow, ladies. Society has a Marxist/feminist belief/agenda. Go against the flow.

At one time I felt guilty for being a KAH, based on ill-thought comments made to me. Now I relish my role because it's precious and God honoring. The rewards are nothing the world comprehends. What they (including family) think of you is none of your concern. Remain fixed on Christ and what He desires for your life.

Mrs.B. said...

I think it's very sad that a woman must actually justify herself for taking more time to spend with her family.

I agree.

And it's even harder when you don't have children at home. When you're 'just a wife'.

If you're a SAHM they might think you're foolish for making the sacrifice but most can see the nobility in that. However if you're a SAHW--well, then you're just a lazy moocher who is betraying your gender.

I think it's really sad and wrong but it no longer bothers me like it used to. I think the SAHW/SAHM blogs have really helped my confidence in this area. (o:

Anonymous said...

HI Anna,

I'm not surprised at the icyness you felt in your classroom. Isn't it a double standard that a woman can even mention how God has "blessed" her career, but a woman is looked down upon if she mentions that a truer blessing would be a woman staying at home?

I believe our country not only pushed God out when prayer left school, but I believe God was also pushed out when mother's left the home.

Kaye :)

Mrs. U said...

Oh that IS sad! I am quite sure that your professor was happy that you spoke up.

Mrs. U

Lean Not said...

It really is terrible that she had to feel uncomfortable about fulfilling her role as a wife and mother.

At least it is nice to have the example of a teacher who cares so much about her family. You're not alone! Maybe you should talk to her about it sometime. She is probably feeling alone and could use some encouragement.

Anna S said...


I'm so happy I can read all your blogs for support in my convictions! I feel I'm not alone anymore!

Mrs. B,

Even though we want very much to become parents (either through birth or adoption), our current plan is for me to become a stay-at-home wife from the moment we get married, not from the moment we are blessed with children. There will probably be a period when I'm a stay-at-home wife with no children, and I know I'm going to receive plenty of incredulous looks. There's no choice but deal with it and move on.


I think I could have even phrased it better... it was not just icyness... it was hostility.

Lean Not,

I could really see this lady's pain. Even with all she was doing to juggle work and family, I could see her checking the time nervously; she later mentioned her daughter was sick that day. It was obvious that 'having it all together' is even hard when working part-time.

I don't know if I ever have the opportunity to have a real personal conversation with her, but if I do, I will certainly try to encourage her.

Mrs. Brigham said...

My heart goes out to that poor woman! We live in a sad world when women must make "excuses" to spend time with their husbands and/or children. Mrs. B makes a very important point when she brings up how much adversity SAHWs also face. The comments I received before we had a child were awful and much worse than what is said now. :o(