… And the plot He has in mind sometimes has nothing to do with what I would have written. His plans often disagree with mine, and sometimes leave me puzzled for a long time, wondering and asking: "what is it that You want me to do? What is the lesson You are trying to teach me?"
Sure, had I been given an author's license over my life, I probably would have made a completely different story of it. I would have had myself born into a big, warm, loving, strong-knit and deeply religious family, residing somewhere in the beautiful countryside. There would have been no core disagreements between myself and my parents and siblings.
Had I been able to write my own story, it would have included being faithfully guided and instructed by my parents from a young age, never lacking in feeling of security and abundance. At the age of 18, I would have planned meeting Prince Charming, courtship with the blessing of my family, marriage, and two sweet children – a boy and a girl – by the time I was 21.
I would not have chosen for myself a fatherless childhood, growing up with a mother who did her best – as the situation allowed – but was naturally tired and overwhelmed; many years of emotional and financial struggles; lack of instruction in the things most crucial and important for a young girl; rebellious years, which included every folly you can think of; pain and hardship, neglect and abuse, disappointment and sorrow, fear and despair. No, I would not have included all that in my story.
But He is the author – not me. And every day, he is writing another line, paragraph, chapter, making the story of my life unique and beautiful, and suited for His special plan. He includes darkness to accentuate light, and allows misery so that joy and hope can shine brighter. Like a painter, He chooses the loveliest colors; like a sculptor, He carves rough stone into a beautiful statue.
Sometimes, I involuntarily stop in my tracks, turn to Him and say: "You made a mistake. See, it was supposed to happen this or that way. And this wasn't even supposed to happen – what are You thinking?"
But today, I will try to find peace and put my life in His hands. I will try to enjoy the story He is writing, without forcing my own humble suggestions if I see they don't fit in His plan. I will try to let go of anxiety and frustration, bitterness and resentment, fretfulness and desire to be in control. Today, I will drop my pen and become a faithful reader, a reader who enjoys and delights in every word and every bend and turn in the story, not taken aback by the unexpected, not broken by the undesirable.
He is writing my story. And yours, too! Are you delighting in yours?