Friday, January 25, 2008

Is this what women want?

A couple of days ago, when I entered my favorite online forum, I was puzzled to see a topic headline that said literally: "Women, Don't Get Married!". What is this, I asked myself? I knew many of the ladies who participated in the forum were happily married, others were still in search… needless to say, I was surprised, but decided to see what it really was about.

The author of that topic (a young woman, by the way), started with a description of what – in her opinion – was a typical housewife: a tired, ill-dressed, frustrated, uninteresting woman. Having children, she argued, doesn't leave enough free time so that a woman can take proper care of herself – and that includes daily visits to beauty salons, restaurants and shopping centers (without which, of course, no happiness can exist!). Later, she referred to the well-known TV series "Sex and the City" as her ideal of a carefree, liberated lifestyle that suits a modern woman.

The rest of her arguments went like this –

1. If your career doesn't leave you quality time with your children, what's the point of having children (the assumption career is a top priority wasn't even discussed)?
2. A housewife suffers an inevitable process of mental and intellectual degradation.
3. Knowing only one man – one's husband – limits a woman's horizons. And anyway, since a woman can earn enough money to enjoy the previously mentioned lifestyle, a husband is nowadays useless.

I wasn't planning to enter the discussion at all, because that woman's post seemed so radical, so primitive and shallow, and I thought – why waste my breath? What stopped me from walking by was, sadly, the tremendous amount of positive feedback she received from other surfers ("Bravo!", "Every word is truth", "I just got a divorce and I'm so happy"). The last straw was a comment that said: "A woman should get married while she's young, have a baby, give the baby to her parents or in-laws, develop a career while being supported by her husband, and when he runs out of finances, divorce him. Then she can meet other men, enjoy life, and sometimes spend a vacation with her child. This way, a woman has EVERYTHING!". The forum exploded with cheers.

I decided to post a reply. I wrote about the true values that were going to stay with us for as long as we live, unlike momentary pleasures. I wrote about children, who needed a real, loving family to grow up in. About God's will, who chose to make us, women, loving and compassionate, so we can give love and care to our family. I said that the desire to take without giving anything in return, and objectifying men by looking at them as a source of cash was an insult to a woman's dignity. And good looks, I concluded, would count for nothing when a woman grows old and finds out she's all alone, unloved, unsatisfied, bitter.

The feeble voice of support I received was drowned in waves of replies that accused me of being old-fashioned, idealistic, unintelligent, "desperate to get married" and even "too young to understand what true happiness is about". Others called me to "taste the world's goods" before disregarding them.

This didn't make me angry, but I was bewildered. I went offline, but was left with a lot of questions – how could it happen that grown women, with a supposedly mature point of view, aspire for a lifetime of superficial pleasures, vanity, submitting to their bodies' desires and neglecting spiritual growth? How can a woman be so self-centered, instead of giving love and support to others? How can anybody substitute the true love, companionship and care that can be found in marriage, by simply using other people and moving on? Is this what women truly want?

I hope not. I hope I just came across a group of frustrated women who had unhappy personal lives. I chose not to say that in my opinion, it was them – not the previously mentioned housewives! -who suffered from degradation, emotional and spiritual. That it was them who had a distorted view on womanhood, family and happiness. But it still makes me sad that these days a young woman receives a wave of vehemence when she dares to declare family is her top priority. It is sad that wanting to give unconditional love makes people smirk and say – "you don't know what life is about".

(*Originally published on LAF)


Sammybunny said...

Oh my goodness....It is so sad to see women disregard things of family and home so flippantly. I'm glad that you stood up for truth. That kind of thing is hard to stomach...

maria said...

How deeply sad...

Andrea said...

Anna, what a saddening experience that must have been! I felt drawn to answer your question, although I'm certain it was rhetorical-- you asked "How can anybody substitute the true love, companionship and care that can be found in marriage, by simply using other people and moving on? Is this what women truly want?"

My short answer would be some women, yes. Some women who have been wounded by people they trust, women who have never had the chance to experience the heartening rewards of loving other people, of being there when they are needed and having in return, somebody be there for them . . . I can truly see how women with such scars and wounds would want to "take it back." Consider it a form of emotional self defence, if you will. To keep from getting hurt, they keep from making themselves vulnerable; it's a very human response, and I can certainly understand how it might come about.

Unfortunately, people who have been so wounded will never see that the things that make them vulnerable --a loving, open and supporting relationship, the experience of investing yourself in children who trust you to do what's best for them, a laying down of a part of yourself because other people need you-- is also what can make us so strong. I can see how they would fear erasure of self; it can happen to women who swing too far the other way, for sure, effecting an unhealthy erasure of self that can lead to serious problems once the children are grown and a part of their self-formed identity has been stripped away. But the first extreme is just as unhealthy as the other, and I am afraid your comments fell largely on deaf ears simply because the experiences of these women, or their knowledge of the experiences of others, have taught them that things simply "are" a certain way, and that people who say otherwise simply haven't seen this yet.

Just, no doubt, as we would be thinking the same of them :)

Adlyn said...

I have sisters you think the very same thing as these women in these forums do. They told me last night after dinner that if I become a homemaker my life would be miserable. My sisters told me that my husband was going to divorce me and that my husband was going to beat me because well, simply because I was a homemaker and didn't have a career. They also told me before telling me that no man would want a homemaker as a wife and that I should be INDEPENDENT; that their was no be no way that I would want to "pop out" 13 children and that after one I wouldn't want any more. I spent the whole night crying/praying so I'm not feeling very well. anyway great post anna! can't wait for the next... I least here I not belittled for wanting to become a homemaker:)


Kacie said...

Oh my goodness!

I wish you were joking about what the women said in the forum. Sadly, I know you're not.

These women must be craving love and happiness, but they're absolutely going about it in the wrong way.

I hope that your comment to them at least planted a seed in their minds.

I hope this isn't what feminism has become--a call for women to be selfish and use people to get ahead in their careers. How sad.

Let's keep them in our prayers.

Michelle said...

I'll stand up and applaude you! Thank you for standing up against the tide like that.
I completely agree with you. It strikes me as odd how young women like you and me can actually have more wisdom than older women who are still acting like 20 yr olds and pursuing fleshly desires. There's so much more to life!

Anonymous said...

Bravo to you for taking the time to respond and share the truth of what a loving home can and should be with God's help. I'm sure He will bless you for standing for Him.


Julia said...

I can't believe this is what most women feel. I thought perhaps the original post about giving the children to your parents and what not was written tongue in cheek. Like when I've had a frustrating day I might joke to a friend, "I'm giving them up for adoption."

Also, marriage and family is what I want. Sometimes selfishness creeps in. I don't want it to. In my ideal world I would never give into it. Every now and then I think I would be happier had I remained single and childless. I think a lot of honest women think that way sometimes. I think most humans wonder if they made the right choice no matter what life choice they have made. Perhaps this anonymous board is a place to vent those feelings that they may not have anyone to talk to about in real life. I hope they're not really a bunch of miserable women in real life!

The above thoughts come from a woman who is very, very happy being a full time wife and mother 99% of the time. I think it's fairly common even among women who really do love families. If this post is followed by a bunch of women that disagree and say no, they never second guess or regret their place in life and that they are never discontent with their lives then I will stand corrected.

closettherapist said...

Your post made me cry because you have spoken the truth. I was a huge fan of Sex and the City and these women really believe what they are saying is true. All the new man-eating characters on tv are further displaying this new fantasy of womanhood. (Cashmere Mafia, Lipstick Jungle) As I get closer to God, the realization of how impure it is to watch those shows is apparent to me, but yet there is still the allure of seeing the fashion and perfectly manicured and coifed women. Even among Christian women we are trying to hold the balance between Christian purity and materialism and marketing. The problem is that marketing is so effective that we don't even realize that we are making a choice. It amazes me that people who are financially struggling still manage to find the money for biweekly manicures, highlights in their hair, and expensive handbags. We are being lied to about this instant gratification, about having sex with many men, and about what our true desires as women should be.

I could go on and on, but thank you for your message. You are a wonderful example of how God can use us in our own special way.

Mrs.B said...

I found the whole discussion revolting but this part was especially vile:

"A woman should get married while she's young, have a baby, give the baby to her parents or in-laws, develop a career while being supported by her husband, and when he runs out of finances, divorce him Then she can meet other men, enjoy life, and sometimes spend a vacation with her child. This way, a woman has EVERYTHING!"

I thought the party line regarding feminism was that it was for equality for everyone?! In reality it's about using whomever you can to claw and scratch to the top. Pathetic.


Anonymous said...

I don't know this for sure but I would be willing to place a large bet that those posts were intentionally made to be antagonistic. The troll syndrome; the drive by posts to get people riled. On any message board or forum or community, there is always going to be someone being contradictory and antagonistic. And then it opens the door for others to join in the "fun".

I am the administrator for a forum on Pomeranians. We promote spaying and neutering, regular and consistent medical care, non physical (ie no hitting, etc) training, are anti-back yard breeders, promote responsible breeding, and encourage the acquisition of shelter and rescue dogs before puppies. Among many other things. The point least once a week, if not more, we get someone come in and post ridiculous comments or asking ridiculous questions, intended to get the forum members riled. "My pom may be pregnant, what do I do"? "I just bought a Pom from my neighbor for $2,000, how do I get started in breeding her"? "I taught my dog not to bark by hitting him every time he did". You get my meaning, right?

Again, I don't know this forum, but I have an idea of the types of sites you would frequent and I would have no qualms in betting that these were antagonistic and intentionally created to get the members riled, since they are the polar opposite of what may normally be discussed there.

Alexandra said...

I think you are correct...sounds like a 'sour grapes' forum. My guess is that they are already bitter and looking for greener pastures.

Kristy said...

Oh my... I can hardly believe the perspective of women (young and old) these days on marriage, husbands, and children- all things that used to be considered a blessing not a hindrance.

I have come to the conclusion that young women of our culture are conditioned (by Hollywood, public education, and I don't know what else) to be self-centered, self-indulgent, and self-gratifying individuals. Yes, submitting to a man is a "pain" if all you're worried about is doing your on thing... raising children and keeping a home is "degrading" if all you want to do is party and run around in mini skirts and high heels.

But what kind of future do these women have? The same as the Hollywood stars they are modeling their lives after... a face caked with make up (to hide the deep lines their living has etched into their pampered skin), a history of divorces and countless one-night stands, and a bitter countenance that all the expensive perfume and cosmetics in the world can't hide.

Do I want that kind of life? No, ma'am. Give me a pretty apron, a kitchen table full of happy little children, and a contented man to spend my days with... I'll grow old with grace and enjoy the pleasure of living for something- and someone- other than myself.

Catherine said...

Hi Anna,

Sadly, the attitude that you describe in these women is what is now considered normal. I don't know what forum you were on but I have a forum that I participate in sometimes; it's a diet and nutrition type of website but the forums are very lively with a wide range of topics. Many of the topics are so unbelievably hostile to family, marriage, children, and any faith that has to do with the bible. It seems that those who are Christians like myself are either afraid of expressing their views or when they do they get attacked with the verbal viciousness of angry rabid dogs. I find that it is not acceptable to talk about God and family values in mainstream culture. And all this from a diet and nutrition website. Just goes to show you what the average modern woman thinks.

I am making efforts to cleanse myself of thinking the way these women that you described think; I used to be one of them, so I get it even though it's wrong. I thought that being a woman of faith, married, having children and committed to her home meant that you have no personality. Feminism and the general influence of the world (and Satan's influence in my opinion) have taken deep roots in people's minds and hearts. What is pleasing to God is now ugly foolishness to many women of the world. Sex in the City is the ultimate picture of happiness to today's woman. You live in fun and glamorous New York City, make buckets of money doing a job that makes you feel powerful, wear clothes that every other woman is jealous of and have sexual flings with boy toys as a hobby. Children are truly nothing but a buzz-kill to this mentality. The reality is that this picture of a woman is a painful emptiness inside.

I sometimes feel that there is no point in adding my thoughts to a conversation like the one you described. Sometimes it just upsets me to go against the grain and get attacked for it, I'll be honest. However, I think it's worth contemplating the fact that some women don't think there's another option. Their mother's raised them on the Sex in the City attitude or worse. Our voices are important.

maria said...

Just another thing - people mentioning sex and the city are forgetting how the series ended.

Ahuva said...

I really don't think those people represent the majority of women. I have the career, the nice house, etc. Most of the unmarried women in my office are starting to fill their lives with puppies and pet cats because they're lonely. It's natural to want someone to love and provide some sense of emotional stability in your life. After a while, the sports car and the frequent trips to the salon start feeling really meaningless.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say that I think it is so sad, that homemakers are so frowned upon. What really saddens me, is that even many Christains are not understanding when you tell them you plan to be a homekeeper. How has the church gotten so far from God in matters such as a woman's place in the world, and modesty? My prayers are that God will open the eyes of the church to the truth.
In Christ,
"God's girl"

Betsy said...

In all honesty though, they are probably right . . . if they don't know Christ. It really doesn't matter if you're a stay at home mom or a 'highly successful' business woman with a different man in your bed each weekend if you don't have Christ. You're going to be selfish, discontented, and bitter no matter where you are and it's always going to seem like you're on the wrong side of the fence. Only God can bless us with the contentment and joy that will make life here on earth truly glorious. And, of course, those blessings will come to those who follow His commandments.

So yeah, without God, every woman will become "tired, ill-dressed, frustrated, and uninteresting", no matter how many beauty salons she visits or how many hours of the day she spends with her kids. But in Christ, nothing compares to the blessings of children, home, and a godly loving husband who sees the beauty of your role and work.

tales_from_the_crib said...

it is sad...but unfortunately common. remember, we are called to be a peculiar people...hence others might think us, well, frankly weird at times.
and prayers of course.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Anna! I fear this is rather prevalent in all societies these days. It seems that in order for a woman to be considered 'fulfilled' she must think of only herself. We have drifted so far from our Heavenly Father's plan that most women are in the dark. Most seem to revel in the darkness. I am glad to see that you did have courage to answer those women. There are many who are in the dark groping and seeking to find the light of truth. Maybe you will be able to help some of those women find the way.
I know that as a child and young woman, I really only wanted to take care of my family when I grew up. When I would tell people, they would instantly put down my vocation. I began to wonder if what I wanted was really worthwhile. Ultimately, I did decide to stay home with my husband and our three blessings. Now, at the ripe old age of 32, people are beginning to ask if I will return to school or a career now that the kids are grown! They are 7, 10, and 11! How can that be considered grown?! Eventually, they will ask when they are truly grown and out of the house, if I will start my career. I can already hear the waves of disapproval when I tell them my home is my career. I know that I am needed in my home. Even if it is just my husband and I, this work of mine is essential for the peace of our family and society as a whole.
Take heart, Anna. We are not alone. Jennifer in OK

Liedeke said...

Hi Anna,

Perhaps it was a virtual form of mass hysteria - a group of women getting each other all riled up and turning on 'dissenters'. Or perhaps it was indeed a relatively small group of frustrated women. Anyway, I honestly don't think that women in general view men as 'tools'.

Too bad this discussion isn't on line anymore.


Rebekah S. said...

Oh how tragic! That's just so sad. My heart goes out to these poor women. They just don't understand what they're missing! There is so so much joy, fulfillment, love and completeness to be found in following God's statutes, standards and commands. My heart truly goes out to these poor women, who have everything so backwards!

Thanks for this post, Anna! :)

Jennifer K said...

It would be interesting if you could provide a link to the forum mentioned in the article.

Kaye :) said...

Hi Anna,

The forum you mentioned is absolutely unbelievable! Those comments are actually scary and remind me of unthinking robots.

I think it's great that you commented on the forum. Whether you received supportive comments or not, at least you gave those women something to think about.

Keep up your positive attitude with things of the home. You are a princess!

With Love,

Kaye :)

Lisa said...

I think a lot of it comes from how women were brought up and how we saw our moms and dads deal with everyday life. Did they work together, or was it always fighting and conflict. Or if it was just your mom or dad with you then how did that person deal with conflict? There is so much divorce these days it is unbelieveable but when you look at how many mothers have to be out of the house and work a full time job and then come home and still do a second job with all the house cleaning and taking care of the children those women end up wanting a way out because of no communication in the marriage or thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. We have been taught that we can have it all...job, marriage, kids, and a full life but that isnt how it is because when you try to be a "supermom" and do it all something or someone always suffers. If we are selfish and only think of ourselves then the family suffers and and so do all of our relationships. What a mother and wife does is so important as we are the ones who are raising the future generations and that isnt something that should be taking lightly.

K said...

I've been reading your blog for a while now, and while I don't necessarily agree with all your points of view - I respect your opinion, and I can certainly agree with you on this one. I think waaaay too many women out there have made bad choices and let themselves become bitter and resentful when it comes to men and a family life.
Honestly - as someone who watches Sex and the's pretty obvious that all the women on that show are searching for the one thing they don't have, a good relationship with a good man. So that theory of a "carefree, liberated lifestyle" is a bunch of baloney.

Terry said...

Bravo to you Anna for standing up and confronting the distorted view of wifehood and motherhood being spouted in that forum. One fact caught my attention: you noted that the woman you quoted at the start was a young woman. Everyone seemed to agree with her shallow views, but when you interjected a deeper, more thoughtful point of view, you were labeled "too young" to know what life's all about. I sense a double standard there, no?

Kitty said...

I just read this on LAF a couple days ago and also came acrossed an article from Wendy Shalit on Sex and the City about how that lifestyle really does not work out. Even in the fictional world of that t.v. show (which was supposed to be showing how great it was to be them) the women felt heartbroken, lonely, bitter, and used. They pretended to be living happy carefree lives when in reality they were desperate for a meaningful, committed relationship and something to live for. I can send you the article if u want.

I personally hated being a "carefree single." I thought it would bring me happiness but it never did until I started spending that time trying to do good works for the Lord.

I don't think most women really want that. They are just bitter because their own marriages did not bring them the happiness that only a relationship with G-d can provide.

oops my daughter is still logged in!

Anonymous said...

To make a long story short, I did have a career and different boyfriends before I had a major life change, became a born-again Christian, and met my husband.

As a married "housewife" (no children yet) who left her fast-paced, supposedly glamorous career, I have never felt more creative, fulfilled and alive.

Now I have the time and serenity to enjoy a relationship with God, write a novel, take walks, listen to music, do volunteer work and really enjoy my husband and friends.

And by the way...I have to let you in on something. Married sex is much better than single sex, which I did experience years ago, at college. (I hope that's not out of line to say.)

I had the "fun" boyfriends and the "creative" glamour career, and let me tell you, nothing is more fun and creative than being a stay-at-home wife.

What is so fun and fulfiling about working long hours for a company who will degrade your work, turning into something mediocre and sellable, and eliminate your job if profits are not high enough? (That didn't happen to me, but I saw it happen to coworkers.)

What's so exciting about being used sexually? It actually becomes monotonous. Not freeing at all.

I'm glad I am really free now. Thank you God!

Allison said...

Wow, that's sad to hear what those women considered "important". Your response was right on...

Apple Cider Mama said...

I would be bewildered, too. While I have rarely seen such a radical display of this kind, I think that a subtle undertone of the same thing is extremely prevalent in modern culture. I can only hope that the majority of women out there do not fall into this bitter, self-centered lie. We must continue to encourage each other as Godly wives and mothers.


PS I'm a happy, healthy, interesting, college-educated 23-year old wife and mother who stays (contentedly) at home except for a couple months a year when I work nights as a professional actress (my husband stays home with our daughter). Now, does that sound like your stereotypical housewife? It takes all sorts.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I believe it. I am a happily married man of 25 years to the same wonderful woman but I must say I do not run across many ladies who are not self centered and willing to put themselves ahead of others most definitely men. I am a giving man who cherishes my wife but she knows that it is best for all that she feels the same way also about me and our two sons. Woman don't like much of anything these days and I find them very confused about what makes them tick and what they want in life and what gives true happiness. My wife is happy and so am I. She enjoys marriage and giving and she is good at it. I am a good provider and feel totally satisfied doing so. I see men so less confused about life and what is our job. Women are so confused. I like reading your blog. Thank you. Tom

ChRlswfe4Jesus said...

I so understand where these ladies are coming from. The world. I am in my second marriage and still fight the urge to be on my own, when I do not get my way. I know that being a single mom or divorced is against God's will. Last summer when I left my husband for a month I felt as those women described. Free, in control, happy to a point.

Praise God, He did not leave me the way I was. He showed me the ere of my ways. And blessed me as I returned to my husband. There are still stressful times.

All of this to say. Satan is at the root of the ladies emotions. The world has so influenced them they are totally deceived. I can say this because I have been there and by the grace of God my eyes have been opened.

I still struggle with the fact that I as a woman was created to be my husbands' help meet. Not him for me. The selfish desires, the I in a women, will lead one to believe that being on their own is good and right. If one spends to much time looking at the world and comparing one self to anything, or anyone else other than Jesus they will go astray and twist what is true. Dawn

misskassandra said...

Something interesting I thought about as I read this post...

In years past, I've been a fan of Sex & The City, and have watched almost all of the episodes. These women, wealthy, independent and carefree, spent most of the episodes talking about men and relationships. At the end of the show's run, all of the women ended up settling down- two married, and with the other two they implied that marriage was imminent.

So if one were to emulate a particular' independent' lifestyle, this would not be my first choice. To me its glaringly obvious, the entire show was based on the trials & tribulations of 4 women and their quest to find someone worth spending life with.

neuropoet3 said...

I suppose this doesn't really surprise me, but I find it extremely sad. They will be old and alone someday -- and not be able to re-do their lives. It's just very, very sad...

I have no idea why I am blessed with the life I have, and the ability to understand how rich it is - but I am very thankful - God has been good to me...

Jenny said...

LOL :roll: Sex and the City is NOT about glorifying a "carefree, liberated lifestyle"! It's about four desperate women who can't maintain satisfying, lasting relationships and resort to stupid antics in attempt to catch men. Not something that any "modern woman" would want, feminist or not.

Kate said...

It truly amazes me the outlook those women have!

Makes me wonder, how did it get like that!

Where did they lose sight of a truly fulfilling life as a wife and mother!?

lp said...

I am so proud of you! love your blog

Jennifer said...

Thank you Anna for standing up for those of us women who are striving to live Godly lives and lives of virtue. I felt sick to my stomach to read what they were deeply saddens my heart. It also helped me realize the urgency and importance of how we need to stay steadfast and firm in our pursuit to live according to God's Word. Thanks Anna for doing that!

Anna S said...

PS: I would have provided the link to the original discussion, but it was in Russian and thus, I think, irrelevant.

Michelle said...

I can't say I find this surprising at all. It's the attitude I find on almost every message board I visit. Recently I was reading over a forum for moms who love grammar, and I saw an off-topic post about a woman who has decided to go back to college. She was complaining because she'd received a poor response in a forum for stay-at-home-moms when she said how desperate she was to be somewhere that wasn't killing her intellectually. She knew we grammar lovers would "understand." The entire thread was full of agreement that staying home with the kids is dulling to the mind, and that "everyone knows" this is true.

I ventured to post that I have never had as much time or freedom for fulfilling intellectual pursuits as I have since I came home. Filling my days with boring work or paying someone to teach subjects that I may or may not find interesting is not my idea of a good time. At home I have had time to learn about anything I like -- and teach my children at the same time. (I love homeschooling!)

I received a lukewarm response -- not hostile, but taking up the view that staying home was my choice and they weren't going to put me down. Just that, for them, staying home was making them stupid. Sigh.

Rebekah S. said...

Wow! I was perusing some of the comments here, and must say that I am SO encouraged!! My heart feels so light and happy right now! What a huge blessing it was to read these comments, and to know that there truly are likeminded women(both young and old) out there who love God's Word and His standards for the family. Praise God for you ladies!! You are all such an encouragement to me!

May the Lord richly bless each and every one of you!!


Jen said...

So true. I share your bewilderment and frustration. To be honest, I have a lot of trouble understanding how mothers don't want to stay at home with their children. I just don't get it. I just can't imagine leaving my child in the care of another.
Thank you for taking a stand even when it's an unpopular opinion. I honestly feel that someday these woman will look back and see how they have missed out on so much.
It's sad.

Anonymous said...

I perfectly understand. Keep to the path you are on - it is the only one which leads to real growth and development of character, also the only one which can fully educate one's child.

This sounds very wicked to say, but I feel the so-called liberated women who are consumers of things and users of people will never develop into whole people. They are usurping the mantle of former feminists who fought and sometimes died for the dignity and fair treatment of women worldwide. These women are like children, only understanding freedom and equality in terms of material gain, not in social responsibility, and they are afraid of sacrifice and are weaker for it.

I will also add that it's not only the very religious who are striving to keep valuable cultural ideas alive, but every woman with a mind and heart and memory of decades past who values art, learning, ethics, and compassion is right there behind you.

I am only 42 and I cringe at times when I have to hear and see what so-called liberated women think it is OK to do and say (especially to their own children). My Mother
(76) says she never in her life thought it would be so difficult for a woman of my generation to feed, educate and provide for her family while steering them safely through the cultural minefield that has been created for our children.

My home and family are my refuge. Make them yours also, but remember also not to completely divorce yourself from the outside - go out into the world and show by example what ethics, compassion, faith and a sense of responsibility can accomplish in society.

Sue said...

Thinking back to my college days (just after feminism had gotten a foothold in U.S. society) to my middle-aged present, I can only think of a few women who held the view proposed by those on Anna's blog. And a couple of those didn't have a heathly family life and a positive view of men to begin with.

I've known women who became SAWMs after having their first or second child, those who returned to work FT after their maternity leave and every other variation (working part-time, starting a home business, telecommuting, etc.). Nearly 100% of the women who worked outside the home in some way or another absolutely doted on their children and are great mothers -- and get more help from their husbands with the children than in the past. Nowadays, I see most single women definitely looking for Mr. Right; they just don't seem to look as early (during or not long after finishing their formal education) as my generation did. And some single and divorced women (especially the latter if their children are grown) are content in their current state.

But with rare exception, none of these women were the cut-throat careerist types. That could be the circles I have moved in. Most women (single or married) I've known from church, work, neighbors, etc. have about the same career level as I do. We are college-educated, some with post-grad degrees and hold "professional" jobs. But few of us have risen further than middle management. For the mothers, that very well might be because they realize that they can't have it all. Or maybe my friends and co-workers are like me -- enjoying our work but not making it the be-all or end-all of our lives. So if I moved in different circles (high-level managers, Ph.D., physicians, lawyers, investment bankers, etc.) I might know more of the type of women on that blog.

My .02,


Kacie said...

You speak Russian? Cool!

Rebekah S. said...

Anna, have you ever noticed that we younger women receive one of two responses to our views. From the opposing people, we hear :"Oh, you're just too young and are too much a child to understand anything. Wait until you get older and then you'll actually know what life is all about. Right now, you have no clue what you're talking about, because you're just too young." Yet, from ladies who agree with us, we receive:"Wow, you're so wise for your age! I wish I had had half as much wisdom when I was your age!"

Interesting, isn't it? :)

Anonymous said...

That's so sad. Does the young woman in question expect to raise her own daughter's children, while the daughter pursues a career?