Monday, March 3, 2008

When Mom challenges modesty

Today I will try to answer another question from dear Margaret. This young lady's mother insists that Margaret should wear a skirt which Margaret finds just a bit too short to feel entirely comfortable in. Margaret's mother isn't pleased with that at all, and it seems as though a conflict is about to arise. What should Margaret do?

Dear Margaret,

I have been in the same situation before - having a skirt which is lovely but a tad too short, and not knowing what to do with it. Normally I do one of the following:

1. Sew a small addition onto the bottom of the skirt, for example a wide strip of lace or another ornament which makes the skirt a bit longer, and adds a softer and more feminine look at the same time. Of course this option can work only if you have the skill, time and energy to do it, and if it doesn't clash with the style of your skirt.

2. I might also wear two skirts, one on top of another, for an interesting, hip look. Again, this doesn't work with every style of skirt, but mostly with flowing, feminine fabrics. Some wear pants underneath skirts, but this isn't my style.

3. Don't forget that modesty is also a matter of height and size. I have a friend who is shorter and thinner, and skirts that are too short and tight on me look very modest and pretty on her. If you have a friend who could "borrow" your skirt for an extended period of time and feel comfortable wearing it, it might be an option for you as well.

Whatever you decide, I think you shouldn't confront your mother directly. Be gentle and respectful, and know that what seems natural and right to you might seem strange and extreme to other people, even someone as close to you as your mother. I have experienced that, too (even with choosing the style for my wedding dress!). The solution here isn't found in arguing, but in a sweet, tender heart which is seeking to please the Lord in whatever you do.

Blessings to you, and the best of luck!


Terry said...

Good answer, Anna. I think you've covered all the bases so there's nothing for me to add!

Hil The Thrill said...

Anna, I so admire your grace and tact.
xoxo, hil

yoshi3329 said...

Laura said...

I hope that most parents would be reasonable and not make a child wear something they weren't comfortable in. If they still insist that they wear it, I would suggest wearing leggings under the skirt (like the women in the picture to the right ) Good luck to her.

Anonymous said...

You said it very well...I hope Margaret will find value in your advice, & especially where you mentioned not bucking her (the mother) outright.

I have not had a lot of clothing clashes with my own daughters...mostly matters of taste, color choices, etc. But overall modesty has not been a huge problem. What tends to be problematic is finding a good selection of modest clothes in the first place!


Rebekah S. said...

Oh, my heart goes out to Margaret. What a hard situation to find yourself in!!

Anna, you've given her some great tips, and I heartily agree with you!

Margaret, I believe that first, it's of utmost importance that you respect your mother's God-given authority over you. Throughout this situation, it's important that you don't show a rebellious spirit. Honor your mother, be polite, loving and kind, and show her humbly why it is that you feel it's wrong to wear that particular skirt. Show her in God's Word that modesty is extremely important in His sight. Be respectful, loving and compassionate when you speak with your mother on this issue, and show her your point of view.

There does come a time when we are called on to respectfully and politely disobey our parents. And that instance is when they're commands are contrary to the Lord's. Acts 5:29 shows us that we are called on to obey God and not man. If your mother requires you to wear that skirt(or any other article of clothing that you find immodest), then it's your responsibility to obey God and not your mother in that situation. But let me stress this: be respectful and polite and honoring to your mother! You may have to disobey her in this instance, but make sure that you do so out of a loving, Christ-like heart that's surrendered to God!

Above all, the most powerful and important thing you can do, Margaret, is pray!! Wholeheartedly ask the Father that He will change your mother's heart on this matter. Ask that He would reveal to your mother the truths found in His Word regarding the huge importance of modesty. With God, ALL things are indeed possible, and the Lord could easily change your mother's opinion regarding that skirt. Trust in Him! :)

May the Lord richly bless you as you strive to obey Him, Margaret! :)

In Him alone,

P.S. I've been conducting a devotional study on modesty(a devotional series on 1 Timothy 2:9-10) on my blog, and I encourage you to check that out! I pray that it will be a blessing to you! :)

Apple Cider Mama said...

"Loaning out" the skirt is a great suggestion. I gave away a jacket, which had been a rather expensive gift, to a friend who had a smaller bust than I do. It looked lovely on her, whereas it had made me look like a wannabe starlette.

Mrs.KAOS said...

One thing I have done is made a cotton "slip" with a pretty ruffle on the bottom that cane peak out from under the skirt, it extends the length. Also I have worn opaque leggings for a punkish look or a slim cut yoga pant for a more asian look. The pant idea works well if you have to be active, cleaning running after little ones or helping a friend move.

Emma said...

hello Anna,

Just wanted to tell you that you are such an inspiration! Reading your blog never fails to bring a smile to my face and it reminds me to be sincere and graceful in my approach. :)

Leah said...

Well said. I have been having that problem as well of trying to figure out what to do with some skirts that have just gotten to short but are ones that I love to death! Thanks for the tips, it helped a lot. And congratulations on your engagement!

~1 Timothy 2:9 That the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation.

USAincognito said...

The mothers I know would have no problem with their daughters dressing more modestly.