Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The courage in coming home

Hello there, dear ones. I hope you are all having a lovely day. Mine has been wonderful so far, even though my energy levels, it seems, reached an all-time low due to the heat. I only got out today once, to do some errands, and the waves of heat quickly shooed me back inside. I hope it will get cooler later in the day, as evening creeps nearer, and then maybe I will be able to take a walk along with my faithful little camera - and later share some part of the day's beauty with you (as soon as I get to upload the pictures to the computer).

I've been thinking today about how many women want nothing more than to come home and be with their families, but are stopped by the fears that have been so deeply ingrained in us; the fear of missing out on something important by not having a "real job" outside the home - a necessary condition to be happy and fulfilled, as we have been told; he fear of our husbands losing their job and being unable to provide for a while; the fear of feeling bored and unproductive since there is "nothing to do at home".

Yesterday I met a young woman who works 4 jobs part-time because she can't bear to spend even a couple of hours at home while she is awake. "There is nothing to do!" - she claims. Yet anyone who takes a productive part in a household knows there is much to do - and what about simply enjoying the beauty of life? If the entire family is constantly on the go, who will provide the refreshment our soul so badly needs?

Being a homemaker means you enjoy many more freedoms. You can take advantage of the lovely weather outside, and go for a walk in between household tasks, instead of being confined to a chair in an office. Your little realm, your home, is yours to rule.

It also means you can take things easy when you are ill or pregnant, without having to make excuses and without fearing you might lose your job. When you or your little ones (if you are a mother) aren't feeling well, you can spend the day relaxing and recuperating, reading a book to your children, or doing crafts.

When you need some rest, you don't have to try and prove to your boss that you have the right to feel weak and nauseated (and therefore less productive) while pregnant, or exhausted after getting up several times at night to nurse a baby, or simply tired and sick when you are tired or sick.

There are many more things I would like to say, but it's time to tend to the joys and tasks of this little particular household: there are dishes to be washed, shopping lists to be written, and errands to be done. Later I think I will take an advantage of being able to rest and relax, and I'll try to catch a nap so that I'm all rested and refreshed by the time my husband comes home.

"Talk" to you soon - warmly, your friend

Mrs. T


Anonymous said...

I think being a stay-at-home wife is the best option (at least for a lot of women and myself). Sometimes, though, I get worried that what if we won't have enough to live on? This is the response a lot of people say to my fiance and me because we're young and I'm not even done school until December.

On the other hand, I've read that two incomes does not make living 'easier' or less expensive. I can't imagine someone working 4 part time jobs! I can barely tolerate one! Sometimes when I'm at school or work, I think--I'd so much rather be able to fold laundry and cook and do dishes all day!

Diana said...

For me, that was all i've ever wanted to be. When i left School, i met my Husband and after a short romance we got married. That was 18years ago. I am raising 4 wonderful children and i have always done all i can to make sure my wonderful Husband has always been happy. Even after all of these years we are still very much in love. If i had, had the urge to go out to work rather than use my very important God given Role, Life would be very different, i'm sure.

Gothelittle Rose said...

This post is a good reminder for me. I'm feeling a bit tired and sick today. I'm so glad I don't have to justify being tired and sick to anybody.

On the other hand, I still plan to finish cleaning the kitchen, hang out the laundry, clean out the car, and weed the tomatoes. But ya know what? I'm going to take a nap after lunch.

Sammybunny said...

When my beau and I marry, I would love to eventually come home and be a SAHW but because he will be going to law school after we finish school, it will be up to me most likely to do most of the working outside of the home. Eventually though, we both want me to be at home, especially if and when little ones come along. I would love nothing more than making my home a beautiful, fun, restful, exciting haven for my family. I am so happy for you that you are blessed with that opportunity right after marriage!

lady jane said...

Yes to everything you described.

I've been experiencing exhaustion this week and have not apologized for it. I'm resting when I need to rest. My dear husband desires me to be whole and is supportive of my present need. He's a peach. ;o)

Kelly said...

Well said again Anna.

Anonymous said...

It's true, many women would love to be able to stay at home (not all, of course).

It's not for everyone though. You have to be super motivated. Because you don't have a boss standing over your head, and no real deadlines or projects to submit, it is very tempting to just let the days slide by. I know that personally I was much more productive when I used to work outside the home, than I am now at home.

Staying at home is like freelancing. Not for everyone. You need to be super organized and self-motivated if you want to actually be productive. Otherwise you're just enjoying a life of leisure, which is wonderful as far as I'm concerned, but probably not the goal of most of your readers.


Catherine R. said...

I know how you feel about the heat. Where I live it is only hot for 3 months per year but our apartment becomes simply unbearable thus making cooking a downright health hazard and eating hot food extremely unpleasant.

Thank you for tirelessly encouraging homemakers as always. There are so many women who simply are not even aware that this is an option or are convinced it's not an option for them. I find it unfortunate that churches (at least one's I know of) are silent about lifestyle choices. Where are the brave pastors who encourage women to stay home? I have never seen one.

Melinda said...

Before we had children both my husband and I worked outside the home. Whenever I would feel a little bug coming on I would feel panic because I just couldn't be sick, I had to work! Now when I feel under the weather I know that I still have to care for the family, but no one is going to judge me for the way I feel.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. I came across your blog through another blog and today is first time I've read it. Your thoughts today were like a balm on my frazzled spirit.

I am a stay at home wife and mother. I have been for the past 10 1/2 years and I love it. However, some days, like today, I do feel frazzled and overwhelmed. Your thoughts, though, made me realize how blessed I am to be able to sit with a cup of coffee and watch a mama and daddy goose waddle up from our beach with their new babies.

I wouldn't be able to do that in an office, and I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world!

Catherine R. said...

I just wanted to add; thank you also for helping alleviate guilt. Like you discussed, being well-rested and refreshed is such an amazing benefit to being at home...and I think many women are coerced into feelings of guilt because they aren't toiling away at a "real job", frazzled and emotionally drained every day.

Like you brilliantly point out, I am so thankful I don't have to be made to feel the irritation of a boss who doesn't have time for my pregnancy ailments.

I know there are probably women who stay home who still feel pressured and brainwashed that their "productivity" must at it's highest at all times, else they are lazy.

Anonymous said...

Hello dear Anna!!
It feels like an age since I last commented!! But with pregnancy and all that goes with I am learning that life slows down!! I have been reading though, the photos of your wedding were lovely and reading about your frist weeks of marriage have reminded me of what it was like for me when Andrew and I were married, so wonderful new and exciting. I too loved having days at home in my castle doing all the small things!! I must say I loved what you mentioned about a rest before your husband comes home, here in the wet season I too make sure to do that, I like to be fresh and happy when my beloved comes home not worn and cranky!

Well the day is marching on and I have to tend to my castle!!
Many blessings

tales_from_the_crib said...

you have no idea :) as someone who is currently watching a one year old and is nauseated with my second pg, I continuously am surprised at the number of people who question my families choice for me to stay at home. I really wonder how on earth these people expect me to take care of my husband, baby and house while hardly being able to stomach food all the while, implying that it's wrong for me not to spend 10 hours a day outside my home...
have a blessed weekend.

S. Belle said...

I worked while I was pregnant with my first child, and I hated it. I wanted to sit down and relax when I felt tired or snack on food whenever I needed to. But, I was unable to. I hope I do not have to go through that situation again. It's such a blessing to be able to stay at home as a wife, then as a mother.

Shannon & Richard said...

One thing I've noticed about our current society is that all women are encouraged to have a career so that they won't depend on or 'need' a man to live or raise a family.

I am certainly supportive of supporting yourself if you never marry or have children, or of ending a marriage that is unjust, cruel, or poorly matched.

I often feel that the underlying theme preached in colleges and on TV is that if you are a woman, you have to be prepared for the man in your life to walk out and stop supporting you and your children.

This affects men too. If he's not needed - why stick around for the hard parts? We have stopped raising our boys to be fathers. Instead they never grow up, never use the money they earn for their families (it's his money after all)

I also find it weird that it is more acceptable in the US to hire a nanny, maids, meals to go, personal shoppers, daycare, etc. than it is to stay home and do it yourself.

The sanctity of the home has been lost to most families, and children do not come home to good food and a clean house. Most homes are, as you've said before in other posts, more like hotels than homes. Almost all activities for the family take place elsewhere.

I am hopeful that many of us who grew up longing for a secure place where someone was there to greet us when we got home from school will take the plunge and bring back our family

Karen said...

I think if some women want to work part-time while they are married, that is fine. But so many go overboard and there is just nothing left at the day to give husband and children. I'm very grateful especially now, having a complicated pregnancy, that I don't have to explain to my boss why uterine hematomas are dangerous. And I can use the bathroom as much as I need to!