A couple of days ago, I ran across an article written by a woman who became involved with a man who was, to quote her own words, everything she was looking for in a husband - sweet, intelligent, responsible, handsome, and a good provider. Do you think she was praising the good man she found, and planning a happy future together with him? Think again.
That fine piece of work was dedicated, mostly, to criticizing her potential husband. For what? "Being too nice". More specific "crimes" included never raising his voice, refusing to drive over the speed limit, not being a sports fan, not getting drunk, and to sum it up, not being an impressive macho. Not being "a challenge". All these, according to her, implied that her man "doesn't have a backbone".
How old do you think she was? 18? 20? She didn't specify her age, but certain details implied that she's near or over 30.
I purposefully don't quote from the original article, because the language used there was offensive to me, and I know you ladies would have felt the same way if you read it. Instead, I would like to focus on the sad phenomenon of women being irresistibly attracted to men who treat them badly, while ignoring - or worse, despising - men who could have been wonderful husbands and fathers.
The big question is, why? Why do women fall at the feet of men who are clearly not good marriage partners - immature, irresponsible, rude, aggressive, often violent men? Why do women waste precious years and get deeply hurt while trying to tame those men and make them nicer, instead of turning their eyes towards men of a different kind? And why, why, why is this vicious cycle so often repeated by the same woman again and again?
When we look at herd animals, we often see that the leading male is the biggest, strongest, and most aggressive one. He is the one who usually gets most female attention, too. However, we aren't herd animals; most women realize they want a marriage with a man who is caring, understanding, supportive, loving and kind. A man who will, when needed, do the shopping, take out the trash and hold the baby. Muscle display has nothing to do with long-term happiness.
Do women really want to be treated badly? I doubt it. If a woman believes she deserves unfair treatment, there is something deeply wrong with her self-esteem. My guess is that there's some sort of a romantic fantasy - a tough and rough man who will go all nice and mellow when it concerns his wife. A macho who will give up his usual night of excessive alcohol to care for a sick baby. A man who emulates an aggressive leading male, but purrs and curls into a soft little ball like a kitten while he cuddles with her on the sofa to watch a girlish movie.
Only it doesn't work this way. A man who yells at the waiter, someone who is horrible to his co-workers and rude to his parents, will very likely behave in a similar way towards his wife. A man who has a terrible temper probably won't develop an angelic patience all of a sudden. A man who is used to driving over the speed limit won't stop when there's a baby at the back seat. To sum it up, look at how a man treats others - it's a pretty good indicator of how he will behave in everyday domestic life. Look at his habits - what looks "cool" (such as, supposedly, driving over the speed limit) often becomes disturbing, incompatible with day-to-day routine, and even outright dangerous once you start a family.
Think about what you really want your life to look like. And I don't mean that once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Himalaya. I mean what your life will inevitably, for the most part, consist of. Your home, your family, your day-to-day doings, spending time together. The sort of husband and father you would like to wake up with, for the rest of your life. Soon, you'll notice that the under-appreciated "too nice" qualities are precisely the ones that will ensure long-term happiness.