... A reminder to self as much as to anyone else...
1. Nag. Nag about whatever needs to be done around the house and requires your husband's cooperation, such as fixing a leaking sink, moving furniture, or digging in the garden. Just reminding your husband once or twice about whatever needs to be done cannot be considered proper nagging, so be sure to nag constantly and repeatedly, especially when you're supposed to be having fun (such as on your "eat out night" or "movie night" or just during a relaxing evening).
2. Moan. Moaning can be considered a variation of nagging, but comes with explaining just how miserable you are because the walls aren't painted yet, or you can't afford a vacation right now, or you don't have new furniture, or he didn't wash the dishes or whatever. Refuse to be fun and easy-going, and moan, moan, moan about... well, just about anything. The possibilities are endless.
3. Criticize. When you can no longer nag because your husband went out and did whatever you asked him to do, criticize the result. Did he move that sofa two inches left of the exact spot you wanted? Does it seem the walls are painted unevenly? Don't do anything to acknowledge his hard work; instead, criticize. Also criticize his salary, your lifestyle, his hobbies and habits (such as liking sports and leaving the toothpaste open), expressing your deepest dissatisfaction with him in general. Don't forget to compare him to other men you know, who are more successful/understanding/funny/intelligent.
4. Under-appreciate. In the rare cases you can't find anything to pick on, take it for granted. Never express your gratitude for what your husband does for you, from washing the dishes, to spending his only free morning during the week working in the garden, to buying you expensive gifts or taking you on vacation.
5. Neglect. Never ask your husband about how his day went; actually, even a simple "how are you?" is too much. Around the house, be as frumpy as possible. Wear shapeless, stained and torn clothes, and don't bother to brush your hair. When you go out, dress nicely and wear make-up, and make sure your husband knows you do it for other people and not for him.
6. Accuse. When you think about your husband's intentions, always assume the worst. For example, if he forgot to take out the trash, say "you don't care about me!". If he says you can't afford to buy new furniture right now, say, "you want me to be miserable, right?"; the basic principle is: whatever he forgot to do, he did it on purpose. Whatever he did that isn't to your taste, he had the specific goal of making you unhappy. No doubt about that. You are a poor, suffering martyr. Oh, and don't forget to make your accusations as broad as possible ("you always talk to me like that; you never take out the trash").
7. Suffocate. Foster your rightful indignation about the fact that your husband has hobbies, friends, a life. Does he like fishing, woodwork, tinkering with the computer, or playing sports? It's a waste of time which he could spend working around the house doing what you want. Resent him for spending time with friends once a month, surfing the net for twenty minutes, reading a book or even taking an afternoon nap during the weekend. If you are on vacation together and do some sightseeing, make sure you don't go to the places he wants to see. Take all fun out of his life. At first signs of protest, apply techniques of nagging, moaning and criticizing.
8. Suspect. Ask your husband to call you at the very minute he leaves work, and throw a jealousy scene if he's ten minutes late, according to your calculations. Every time he talks on the phone, demand to know who called him, and why. Allow a traffic jam, a delay at the doctor's office or a call from the secretary at work be a source of jealousy. Let your husband know you don't trust him one bit.
9. Be a kill-joy. Eliminate all your husband's attempts to get you two to have fun together. Don't allow a bit of spontaniety in your life, such as an unplanned dinner date. Stifle every ounce of romance, even some candles in your bedroom or wearing some perfume when you go to bed. Sigh when he tells jokes, cut across him when he tries to communicate with you, don't ever let him see you smile. Don't ever wear anything but thick and shapeless flannel pajamas when you go to bed.
10. Reject intimacy. During the week, always be too tired. On weekends, pretend to have a headache, or simply be grumpy and not in the mood. If you have a baby who wakes during the night, this is even easier. Don't be generous with hugging, kissing or holding hands, either. When there is absolutely no way you can avoid intimacy, make it as dull and technical as possible. Keep the room completely dark, keep your flannel pajamas on for as long as possible, and check the watch from time to time with an impatient sigh.