I’ve always been skeptical about ecological breastfeeding, especially the part of it which involves co-sleeping, but this time ended up more or less doing it anyway – mostly because I feel I don’t have a lot of choice. The baby isn’t hungry, she isn’t uncomfortable – she just doesn’t want to be alone at night, and that’s it.
On nights when I didn’t give in, none of us got any sleep. Once I took the baby to bed with me, my husband is able to sleep and I can at least nap with the baby next to me. I can’t say I’m a big fan of it, though. I know some families say co-sleeping goes very well with them, but this isn’t the case with me. I miss the good deep refreshing sleep I’m not getting when I’m afraid to roll over the baby or when she looks for the breast all through the night. I miss the privacy of our bed.
I do realize this is a stage the baby will eventually grow out of, but I’m just so tired, all the time. Because I get so little sleep at night, I tend to get up very late the next day and then it simply feels as though there isn’t time for anything. I miss the days when I was able to get up before the rest of the family, spend some quiet time, be refreshed, and do a good portion of the chores before everyone else was up. I maintain that is definitely the way to go. But right now that is not what is happening around here.
I’ve had some suggestions that perhaps my baby would be better off with a pacifier, and perhaps we could all get more sleep. I’m not sure I exactly have a logical reason for why I haven’t given a pacifier to either of the children so far, except that I always simply disliked the way it looks, and also my feeling that it tends to be overused (I’ve seen 4-year-olds using it, and heard parents say they can’t get rid of it – and I don’t like the prospect).
I suppose I wish I had a bit more control over my life. But this just isn’t happening. So far, every day is a mad battle against tiredness and against time that is running out. I do keep up with the basics but that’s about it. I haven’t ironed a single item since Tehilla was born, although ironing is still on my to-do list – I’m not giving up. Not yet, at least.
Well, at least we have a happy healthy baby, and that’s what matters. Tehilla is growing very well, despite her tongue-tie. I suppose that is the most important thing for now, and the rest shall pass.