I would like to thank everyone who commented on my last post. It was largely a jotted-down brainwave, but apparently the feelings of guilt, of being overwhelmed, of fearing that perhaps we aren't as good as we are within our right to think, and certainly not nearly good enough - resonate with many people all around the world.
When I get these waves, I think the best thing for me, at least for a while, would be to stop reading books/blogs/websites, and talking to people, who are making me feel inadequate. Now, there's a very thin line between drawing inspiration from something, and feeling like you are absolutely worthless because of that very same something. The first is empowering, drawing us up. The second is debilitating, weakening us even further.
There are, for instance, books like Nourishing Traditions, which contains a wealth of information and so many wonderful ideas about improving our nutrition, but which often leaves me feeling like an absolutely flippant, thoughtless, careless person. I don't, after all, make sourdough bread or lacto-fermented beverages, and don't go out of my way to obtain fresh, unpasteurized milk from free-range cows or goats. But then I have to accept my limitations, too. I live in a small, isolated place; I'm not even the one who does the shopping around here, because I don't have a driver's license! So, I'm trying to make the best I can with what I have, limited as I am by accessibility, budget, time, energy and the wishes of my family.
Then there are all the people who know just the way to raise children, have solutions for every possible problem you might have with your children, and brag how their 3-year-old can read or point out you must be doing something wrong because your child can't do so-and-so by such-and-such age. You know I'm for the natural learning approach; but at times I felt that maybe I'm not doing enough - and I sat down with Shira to try and teach her something, and realized (with relief) that no, it was not neglect on my part - she simply just isn't developmentally ready for that something yet. Then weeks or months later, she'd learn that same something (like counting, or colors, or size comparison, or taking off her underwear) without any effort on my part whatsoever!
I am doing what I can, with my thoughts for the good of my family.
I am trying my best, though perhaps I will not be able to produce stunningly impressive results.
I am taking a path, sometimes through circumstances I wouldn't wish on anyone, and making my best effort to tread gently.
I am a mother whose children aren't perfectly-behaved, a homemaker whose home is often messy, a nutritionist who doesn't produce perfect nutritionally balanced food at every meal, a child of G-d who sometimes fails to keep faith... I am a human being who doesn't do anything perfectly.
I am still loved, and wanted, and sometimes able to extend a hand to others, and for that I am thankful.
I am thankful for you, too.
For your kindness and friendship, and your taking the time to stop by.