Wednesday, April 3, 2013

How to make salted olives

1. Pick some olives from your local trees, around Rosh Ha-Shana.

2. Decide you are too busy preparing for the holiday to deal with them now; put the bag of olives in the fridge.

3. For the next couple of weeks, every time you open the fridge, sigh and say to yourself, "I really need to do something with those olives."

4. Forget about the olives.

5. Re-discover them months later, when you are arranging the fridge for Pesach. Tell yourself, "oh, cool, I had green olives and now I have black ones!" Throw away the olives that have spoiled. Congratulate yourself for saving more than half.

6. Decide that now you might as well make the olives kosher for Pesach. Remember you have no kosher for Pesach containers, and come up with the brilliant solution of disposable aluminium baking pans.

7. Soak the olives in water. Put them in your bedroom to make sure the kids don't touch them with chametz-filled hands.

8. Change water every day, to get the bitterness out of the olives. Oops, there's a leak in one of the aluminium pans. Mop up the spill.

9. After two weeks, drain the olives, put coarse salt on them and press them with something heavy. Every other day, dispose of the liquids that come out.

10. Once the olives are properly wrinkled and salty, serve. Smile as you are being told that the pickled olives you made two years ago (those which cost you much less effort) were a lot better tasting.

11. Prepare for the next olive harvest.

Illustration photo from


Goldnrod said...

Oh, my! You are so ambitious! I grew up in CA where a lot of olive orchards were being taken out & neighborhoods put in. A lot of people had olive trees in their yards, but nobody thought of doing anything with the olives.

I remember my mom said it was a long & complicated process, so it's wonderful to hear you're trying it successfully!

Mrs. Santos said...

This post made me smile and reminded me of last year's harvest of onions and carrots. I lost most of my carrots because I didn't know what to do with them.

This year, I know I will grow food, but I would rather grow flowers because the harvesting takes so much effort. But that's the whole point I guess...The HARVEST! God bless you and your family.

Rose said...

Most excellent instructions. :)