When I wrote this post about my grandmother, I knew goodbye must be somewhere close, perhaps right around the corner... but I did not know how soon it would come. Last Wednesday my grandmother, Magdalina (Miryam), passed away.
In my head I know there should be no regrets, for she had lived a very long and full life, and has gone to be with her parents and siblings, her husband and children and grandson who had already left this world, but somehow I can't wrap my mind around the fact that she is gone, because she had always been such a constant and steady presence in our lives.
Once, many years ago, I asked her how long she wants to live (I was a child, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't ask such an awkward question). She told me she wants to stay alive just as long as she can still take care of herself, walk, talk, and lead a normal life. In the past year, her life had been anything but that, as she was losing her functions step by step, sinking into a helpless existence. I know that she had suffered a lot, and that I should probably rejoice in the fact that she is suffering no longer, but I just feel numb.
On the night of her passing, she came to me in a dream. She was like I remembered her from her good days, and we sat talking for a long time. I cannot remember what she said, but it was something important, and after we were done talking, I knew that all that mattered had been said and done and forgiven, and that she is at peace. When I woke, I already knew she was gone.
And although I know she is gone, I can't help but wish she might visit me again.