Sunday, May 26, 2013

Saying goodbye

When I wrote this post about my grandmother, I knew goodbye must be somewhere close, perhaps right around the corner... but I did not know how soon it would come. Last Wednesday my grandmother, Magdalina (Miryam), passed away. 

In my head I know there should be no regrets, for she had lived a very long and full life, and has gone to be with her parents and siblings, her husband and children and grandson who had already left this world, but somehow I can't wrap my mind around the fact that she is gone, because she had always been such a constant and steady presence in our lives. 

Once, many years ago, I asked her how long she wants to live (I was a child, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't ask such an awkward question). She told me she wants to stay alive just as long as she can still take care of herself, walk, talk, and lead a normal life. In the past year, her life had been anything but that, as she was losing her functions step by step, sinking into a helpless existence. I know that she had suffered a lot, and that I should probably rejoice in the fact that she is suffering no longer, but I just feel numb.

On the night of her passing, she came to me in a dream. She was like I remembered her from her good days, and we sat talking for a long time. I cannot remember what she said, but it was something important, and after we were done talking, I knew that all that mattered had been said and done and forgiven, and that she is at peace. When I woke, I already knew she was gone. 

And although I know she is gone, I can't help but wish she might visit me again. 

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

(((HUGS))) Anna. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story about seeing your grandmother in a dream made me smile though. The same happened to me once, but it was a couple of years after she died, so you never know what the future holds.

Jaime

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

Marie Claire

Anonymous said...

Oh Anna - my sympathies for your loss and my prayers for comfort at this time. Grandmothers can hold such a special part of our hearts and when they leave - even if they've been sick or were very old and frail - the loss is difficult. As the days go on may you find joy in your memories of her and in sharing stories about her with your girls so that they will know this beloved woman.
-- Catherine

Chava said...

Sorry for your loss :(

Anonymous said...

We rejoice at the end of suffering and reunion with family members gone before for those who passed on.

We know this, yet we also grieve for us who will miss them so much, especially when they were a big part of our lives and loved.

*Gentle Hugs* Anna.

THE Princess Bombshell* said...

*HUG*

Kathleen said...

Oh Anna, I'm so sorry.

Otter Mom said...

My mother had similar issues towards the end of her life. I was unable to get in touch with her on the phone, I live 500 miles away. I had been talking to my sister and my father, mom had few clear days but I still tried to call her. The night before she died, I dreamed about her and it was similar to your dream. I know it was truly a gift from God, that I was being graced with one last loving conversation with my mother. She died a few hours later, I wasn't able to get there but I know she came to me in spirit. It helped me to get through the experience of losing her.

Linda said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Grandmothers hold a very special place in our hearts.
Linda

Lady Anne said...

Anna, I am also very sorry to hear of your grandmother's passing. Grandparents are always special, I think. I know mine were!

Take the time to mourn her. That may sound obvious, but when my dad died, he had been desperately ill for a long time, so we were all just glad that he was a peace. My mom had to move within two weeks, and we were busy with that. Well, more stuff that doesn't matter. But I never did get the chance to throw myself across the bed and sob and beat on the pillow, and now I really wish I had. Let your husband take the girls for a walk, and really "let loose".

And remember that all of your readers are sending you hugs, and we will remember you and your grandmother in our prayers.

Bless you, my dear.

Thia said...

I'm sorry for your loss Anna. What a wonderful gift you were given, her visit to you. Hugs and prayers.

Matushka Anna said...

May her memory be eternal!

Rose said...

I am so sorry to hear this Anna, but I'm glad for you that you had this lovely lady in your life. You are in my thoughts dear friend.

Mrs. Anna T said...

Thank you, dear ladies. Your kind and thoughtful comments mean more than you can know.

K said...

Very sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Grandmothers are the foundation of our families. When they leave, it feels like the foundation has been shaken. Hang in there in time it will hurt less. Keeping you & your family in our prayers

Rose Burke said...

HUGS! I am so sorry for your loss!

Jimena said...

I'm sorry for your loss Anna, I've always enjoyed reading about her in your blog. May be comforted by the life, love and beauty that surrounds you each day. Blessings...

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Liz

Rosemary said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Anna. It is never easy, even if it is expected.

ELR said...

Sorry to hear about your Grandma. Mine died in February and I think about her a lot (and miss her).
Erica

living from glory to glory said...

Hello, I send my heart thoughts your way. I still miss my Grandmother and she has been gone over 40 years. Your a very special friend to me. I think of you often.
Blessings, Roxy

Kim said...

Oh Anna,
God Bless you and your family.
Hugs, love and prayers. Love her memory, let yourself grieve, it is okay to hurt. Again Hugs and much love.
Kim W

Anonymous said...

Dear Anya !
I couldn't held back my tiers, your grandmama was my dear aunt Duci and one of my father sisters. In short time we lost to many of our family members.Your tribute to your grand mama is beautiful.I am very sad too.
Wish you peace in your beautiful loving heart, love you very much, your aunt, Maricza

Mrs. Anna T said...

Dear Aunt Maricza, what a nice surprise to hear from you here. I can only assume you got the blog address from Mom. Thanks a lot.

Anonymous said...

I am late to read of your grandmother's passing...just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. May you all be comforted and strengthened.

~Lin