Though I am content with my life as a homemaker and mother, I can't say there are no anxious moments. I keep in touch with some of my friends from university, mainly through the Facebook Israeli Nutritionist board, and I hear of my co-students treating patients, working in hospitals, doing research, writing articles that are widely published, receiving wide acclaim and growing as professionals. And I, though I do try to keep up to date with research, have seemingly achieved "nothing"; and there are sometimes these prickles of anxiety and worry: "oh no; I am doing nothing; time just keeps slipping by; what am I going to do later in life? What will I do if I need employment, pension programs, etc?"
Therefore, I think I can say that being a homemaker is not so much as a leap of faith, but more like constantly going upstream, in faith, battling doubts and fears.
I do, however, wish to stress that what I am dealing with is precisely this: doubts and fears. On the large scale, I am doing both what I feel I am most suited for - a quiet, very simple life - and what is best for my family, because I do believe life is far less stressful when there is somebody to manage the home and family affairs full-time, and the woman is singuarly suited for this task.
If I were to hop on the rush and stress bandwagon because:
- I am expected not to "waste myself";
- To have something to "fall back on";
- To have more money;
- To have all sorts of saving programs and funds that would "ensure" my future;
... It would mean that I am succumbing to fear; that I am letting go of my dream, my vision, out of fear of things that haven't happened yet and may never happen. And that, I believe, would be a pity.
Today I live in a community where most women are homemakers, and where children commonly stay home until they are at least 3. Still, I feel at times like I am going upstream. It's OK, however. Though I wish I always had perfect peace, I can deal with things as they are.