Friday, November 15, 2013

Going upstream

Though I am content with my life as a homemaker and mother, I can't say there are no anxious moments. I keep in touch with some of my friends from university, mainly through the Facebook Israeli Nutritionist board, and I hear of my co-students treating patients, working in hospitals, doing research, writing articles that are widely published, receiving wide acclaim and growing as professionals. And I, though I do try to keep up to date with research, have seemingly achieved "nothing"; and there are sometimes these prickles of anxiety and worry: "oh no; I am doing nothing; time just keeps slipping by; what am I going to do later in life? What will I do if I need employment, pension programs, etc?"

Therefore, I think I can say that being a homemaker is not so much as a leap of faith, but more like constantly going upstream, in faith, battling doubts and fears. 

I do, however, wish to stress that what I am dealing with is precisely this: doubts and fears. On the large scale, I am doing both what I feel I am most suited for - a quiet, very simple life - and what is best for my family, because I do believe life is far less stressful when there is somebody to manage the home and family affairs full-time, and the woman is singuarly suited for this task. 

If I were to hop on the rush and stress bandwagon because:
- I am expected not to "waste myself";
- To have something to "fall back on";
- To have more money;
- To have all sorts of saving programs and funds that would "ensure" my future;

... It would mean that I am succumbing to fear; that I am letting go of my dream, my vision, out of fear of things that haven't happened yet and may never happen. And that, I believe, would be a pity.

Today I live in a community where most women are homemakers, and where children commonly stay home until they are at least 3. Still, I feel at times like I am going upstream. It's OK, however. Though I wish I always had perfect peace, I can deal with things as they are. 

6 comments:

Chava said...

It is easy to plagued by the doubts and pressures put on us women by society today. Homemaking has and will always be a godly profession. That counters the mainstream "office life" that most women chase.

You are doing the most important job, raising your children! Finland is having to literally tell the parents in the news to keep their kids home, quit dumping them in the state daycares. I was dumbfounded that the news said that some months back because it's been that forever.

Just have to trust Hashem is leading you where you and yours are supposed to go. I always have faith in the statement "you're exactly where you're supposed to be in this moment".

Carrie Peterson said...

Thank you for your vulnerability. You give my permission to face my doubts and insecurities as well, but with great wisdom to guide me. Your words truly are a blessing.

becka said...

It is hard to stay home and go against the crowd, but it is so worth it for your peace of mind and the care of your family. In a very uncertain world it helps to remember that our hope is in God and we can trust Him.

Preoteasa Alexandra said...

This feeling must be very strong in every homemaker, we have to live with these fears and worries. But we should probably consider that at least we have peace and joy, while working wives have the same worries about future uncertainties with the only difference that they live with a psychological tranquility due to the main stream life which generates some security. But what it a working wife loses her job? He may not have the surviving techniques of a homemaker and then she might have to face a double burden. In any social tradition women are supposed to live with a risky situation as homemakers, because otherwise we undermine social order. Imagine life on a ship and Captain asking a sailor: what if I die during this voyage, please do my job instead of mine because I am afraid the ship might sink and we have to change our duties. This would probably ruin the ship although nothing wrong has happened. Marriage is like a ship floating on an uncertain ocean. But Captain has to do his job and sailor theirs in order to keep everybody safe on board.

Miriam said...

Keep on going, Anna! You are doing fine! :-)

Don't get me wrong but the symptoms are very similar than in 30's crisis... :-)

Mrs. Anna T said...

Miriam, I confess I've never heard of this crisis before! :o)