Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The most beautiful birth story I've ever read

Being just a few days before my due date, I'm of course busy with things like washing tiny clothes and packing my hospital bag, but if you ask what I've been doing most of all in the past month and a half, the answer would be, fretting and worrying about the upcoming birth. 

All sorts of crazy thoughts are swirling in my brain:

How on earth do babies come out of there? It doesn't make any sense! (Never mind that I've had two babies come out just that way, with no complications, very straightforward. I think I can have ten babies and never fully grasp the sheer miracle of it.)

Whatever made me think I can do this? I'm sure I can't. It will kill me. My body will fall apart. (Again, never mind I've already done this and was up and about the next day). 

I don't want to be there. It's not the pain I'm afraid of, it's the enormity of the act itself, it's just freaking scary. I don't want to be aware of what is happening to me. Someone please put me under general anesthesia and wake me up when the baby has arrived. 

I've been suffering from insomnia. I haven't been able to really focus on anything productive. I've been having heart palpitations and shortness of breath and panicky thoughts that can amount roughly to, SOMEONE STOP THIS TRAIN NOW, I WANT OFF!

My husband reminded me that I've had the same fears before, and that when I actually got into the last few days before labor, I experienced a feeling of calm, relaxation, faith and confidence. He's right - I guess it's part of the hormonal alchemy that indicates my readiness to go into labor. 

Last night, I came across the most beautiful, amazing, encouraging and peaceful birth story I've ever read. It was just incredible how something clicked into place once I've read it. For the first time in many weeks, I was able to go to sleep at night peacefully, without sitting up in bed for a long time, gasping for air and moaning, "I can't do this! I can't! Perhaps it's not too late to schedule a C-section?"

I invite you, too, to read and be inspired

11 comments: said...

Best of luck. You will do splendidly.
And yes, it is a true miracle, each and every time.

living from glory to glory said...

Looking forward to all the details of another special gift of life!
Happy New Year!

Kim said...

Trust God. He will see you through. Congratulations. Remember: a c-section is not the end of the world, and is sometimes medically necessary to save both child and mother. Once your baby is in your arms you will not care just so long as he/she is healthy. You and your husband CAN do this.
I will keep you in prayer.

Anonymous said...

I so very much know what you are feeling - I was having similar thoughts and fears just a few days ago - until our daughter was born on Tuesday! :). I will pray the Lord will give you peace as you approach your baby's birth!!

Miriam said...

Anna dear you are in my prayers :-)

Winkel's Crazy Ideas said...

The very best of luck, soon you will be holding someone lovely! I have four children from 6 - 18. I must admit that there is a part of me that is saddened by the fact that l shan't be doing it again. I do understand the fear though, very much. Blessings, Pam

Kinuko H said...

Dear Anna,I pray for your safe delivery. May G-D sustain you and give you strength.He is with you and we love you dearly.

Lady Anne said...

I think every single mother since Eve has had that "Um, Lord, I've changed my mind" feeling. "I think I'm going to go home and forget this whole business." And then, doggone it, we go and do it again.

Anonymous said...

Stories like that are so inspiring. I'm 13 weeks with my 4th and, while only my first was long and complicated, I haven't gone long enough between deliveries to forget the pain and effort of birth. All of your questions sound so familiar but I anticipate hearing that you have met your newest little one with joy.

Lena said...

You are too funny and dear. Don't worry it will all happen beautifully, God is in control! :)

Paulina said...

Thank you for sharing, sweet Anna. I have been following your blog since, well, forever.

I'm expecting our second child and finding myself experiencing the crippling anxiety and terrifying thoughts that you mentioned. But by God's grace, I have been moving past that and into greater peace.

Birthing truly is miraculous and beautiful and amazing!